Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Freaking out

I'm pregnant...again.
I'm excited and scared and thrilled and nervous...and I'm driving myself a bit crazy.

I'm worried if I tell people, I'll jinx it...and I'm worried if I don't tell people, I'll jinx it. I've told my girls online and my best friend, but that's it. I'm scared to call the Dr. to make my appointment and I know it's ridiculous but I keep thinking that if I call I'm going to miscarry again. I know, ridiculous.

I feel bad b/c there are girls on my message board going through IF and trying so hard to get pregnant and they deserve to have babies. They're wonderful people. I feel guilty that I've got a healthy son and I'm pregnant for the second time in a 2 months...not that I would ever wish a miscarriage on anyone, at any point in a pregnancy...but still, I feel guilty.

I feel different this time...I have all the symptoms and I keep telling myself over and over again that it's going to be fine this time and come June we'll have a healthy baby. That's all I can do, right?