Thursday, July 31, 2008


Just after I posted that last blog, I went to my google home page. I don't normally read my horoscope, even though it's there every day, but for some reason tonight, I did.

"When you look back into your childhood today, don't focus on the difficult memories. Instead, think about the most pleasant events -- the ones that make you smile. Although you can be quite realistic about your life, a little nostalgia can be soothing, even if you must use your imagination to alter what happened in your past. As Tom Robbins wrote, "It's never too late to have a happy childhood."

Fat and Beauty

Let me start this by saying how much I hate the word fat and all the things associated with it. Yes, I've called myself a fat ass...and I probably will again. Do I really think I have a fat ass? I guess it depends on the angle...or the jeans.

No, seriously. Am I overweight? Yes...for my height and build I weigh more then I should. Probably more then is healthy. Okay, for full disclosure, at the doctor's office today I weighed in at 177lbs. Fully clothed with flip flops on.
What is the 'magic' number for my height and age?

135lbs. Yep, really. (according to the weight watchers website)

Some people would consider 135 to be fat and others, like me, are thinking that is crazy!

The term fat, in regards to the human body, is probably one of the most hurtful words in the English language. It's one of the few words that can take someone from feeling great about themselves to wanting to dive in to a gallon of ice cream, in 2.5 seconds. And it's not even doing it directly...obviously I would never tell anyone 'oh, you're fat'...and I don't think I have ever had anyone say that to me, directly. Of course there was the time I asked Jared if I looked fat or pregnant in a certain shirt, to which he replied "You don't look pregnant" Nice. What can I say, he is honest to a fault.

A friends blog made me think about how parents have a huge influence on the way we see ourselves and how it's part of our lives we don't talk about. I refuse to discuss my weight with my mother. Not because she is hurtful or mean but because while she means well, she stirs up a lot of insecurities for me. I never told her how much I gained while I was pregnant and I won't tell her I'm doing Weight Watchers. Before I was pregnant she said to me "We need to go walking and lose weight". Like I said, I never once mentioned weight to her...and yet, indirectly, she made me feel like a heifer. Was she just trying to help? Of course, but she wasn't. She made indirect comments like that throughout my childhood, I can remember being in 1st grade and refusing to wear jeans because, and I quote, they made me look fat. Yep, 7 years old and I thought I was fat. I didn't put on a pair of jeans until I was 12. My mom didn't tell me I was fat, but I watched her put so much work in to how she looked that I thought I had to live up to that.
Those of you who know my mom are probably laughing b/c you've seen her with no bra, no teeth, no growing up (before we moved), the woman didn't leave the house without her hair done and her makeup on. It took me until last year to go to the grocery store without make up. I always told myself it was b/c I felt better if I looked nice, which is true to an extent. What I didn't realize was that I didn't have to always look perfect to be considered beautiful.


It's not about what size clothes we wear or if we can show off our bodies in a bikini. It's about what makes us happy and makes us feel good about ourselves. I'm not sure what that is for me yet. I know I don't like not being able to fit in to my clothes, I know I would like to be able to go shopping without wanting to throw my shoe at the dressing room mirror. I don't have a magic number for myself...I am hoping that when I get there, I'll know it.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Let's make it offical

So I haven't made an official announcement...but starting Aug 1st I'll be doing Weight Watchers. I figure if I announce it to the internet world I have no choice but to be held accountable. I need to do something...I wasn't thrilled with my weight before I got pregnant and it's certainly not going to come off with the way I've been eating. I'm not doing the meetings, at least not to start, I am going to do the online program.

I go for my 6 week check up on Thursday and will find out exactly what I weigh (scary thought) and then on! I'll try to post weekly updates with my progress, if for no other reason then to have someone to answer to.

Of course I am going to have lunch at the most unhealthy place on Friday afternoon. No, not Chipotle...Mike's Place. Yea, not exactly the best place to go on day one...but hey, I like a challenge!

Next step...get my chubby ass to the gym. I am work out stupid, seriously. I don't have a clue how to use the machines and frankly, they scare me. I'm pretty sure I'll be the girl that falls off the treadmill or gets her shoe lace stuck in the stair master.

Go head, stop laughing...since I'm sure you just envisioned me flat on my face in the middle of the gym.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Awesome Mom Monday

I am declaring Mondays to be Awesome Mom day.

As moms we don't hear 'good job' or 'nice work' very often. Even though it's a full time job, there are no raises and rewards come in the form of silly smiles, wet hugs and sticky kisses. So pick a mom to shout out to, it can be your own mom, a friend, a family member or even someone you've never met in real life.

My awesome mom for today: Karol

She has two of the cutest boys ever, she works as a full time bartender/server and yet still manages to keep it together. She keeps it real and knows her boys aren't perfect, she manages to keep them and her husband in line and yet still has time for her friends and family. She's amazing, she's the girl you can call if you need bailed out, the girl that will literally give you the shirt off her back if you truly needed it and the girl you know you can call when you just need to bitch. She'd do anything for those boys, even take them to the park when it's hot as hell and she'd rather be at home with her feet up.

I am lucky to call her my friend and even more lucky to have our boys grow up together!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

You know there's an open bar when...

We attended a wedding on Saturday with Jared's co-workers. It was actually his boss getting married. His boss reminds me of Robert DeNiro in Analyze This, with a much larger belly. Imagine DiNiro 9 months pregnant...that is what his boss looks like. The rest of his body is not fat, just his belly....and he has a hard core NY accent and refers to people as 'kid'. His bride? Old enough to be his daughter...:shrugs:
My husband is not good with details, it took me weeks to find out what time the wedding started and where it was...and asking him for help on what to wear was nearly impossible. I'm not sure why it was so difficult for him to find out something as simple as formal or informal. I saw the actual invite on the day of the wedding...only to find out, it's just the wedding reception.

The wedding was definitely formal and I am so glad I ended up wearing black! The place was DECKED OUT! There was more food at this wedding then I have ever seen. Tables of meats, cheeses, veggies, fruits, cookies, chocolate fountain. Not to mention the top shelf bar. Absolute and 3 Olives were my friends...and the bartenders, knew how to make a drink. My first one, I'm pretty sure was just colored with food coloring rather then cranberry.
We made it through dinner without incident...which consisted of 4 different stations.
1.Chicken Marsala, carrots, 2 different pastas that were to die for
2.Prime Rib, Fish, Manicotti, Gnocchi, rolls
3.Potatoes, green beans...and honestly I'm not sure what else b/c I was so full from 1 and 2
4. Salad...and again, not sure what else. This probably should have been 1, but we went straight for the good stuff.

Now, I wish I would have taken my camera just to get pictures of people I don't know. There were more 'money' relationships there then I have ever seen in one room! Come on, you know what I'm talking about...old, not so good looking man with his cute young wife decked out head to toe. Yea...maybe it's true love...sure.
There were also so many interesting dresses, some really beautiful...and some, not so much. Like 'Dress Girl'. She was probably 40ish in this low cut dress 2 sizes too small with so much jewelry, I don't know how she kept her head up. Good thing she had that not so good looking older man to help her ;)

A few signs of an open bar:

~Not only are the girls taking off their shoes, so are the guys. Yes one of the guys took his 'square' shoes off at some point and was walking around, outside, in his socks.
~Bets are being taken to see which girl is going to fall out of her dress first. All the guys had their cameras ready.
~The person you thought would be obnoxious is looking pretty tame compared to that other guy. Yep, shoe guy made everyone look tame.
~You've lost count of just how many drinks you've had. Guilty! I think it was 6ish...
~The girl behind the bar has your drink ready before you get there b/c she could hear you coming. Nope, not me...this would be car guy.
~You take a cab to the wedding...and then to the bar afterwards. Klassy, I know
~There is a guy outside yelling 'hey pussy, come here pussy' a cat and it is seriously, the funniest thing ever. Shoe guy strikes again!
~You find yourself having a deep and meaningful conversation about music with a 15 year old. I'm pretty sure Jared wanted to adopt this kid
~You leave to get your wife a drink and disappear for 20 mins...and she doesn't kill you. Yes, Jared did a wedding where I knew nobody.

All in was a good time. We met friends at a bar after where I had a few more drinks. I have come to realize I am too old and have been out of practice for too long to drink like that. Boy oh boy was I tired today.
Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog...'You know you're too old to party like a rock star when...'

Man boards

So it's pretty well known that I am a message board addict. I have two boards that I check religiously.
This is a conversation between Jared and I the other night, while he's trying to talk me in to nookie. I was

J: Come on...
S: You realize you've got one shot, we should just wait until this weekend when I'm cute
J: You're cute right now
S: laughing Yea, okay (was NOT looking cute)
J: What, I only get nookie once a week?
S: You're luck you get that at this point
J: You know, this is what the man boards say will happen
S: Man boards?
J: Yea, man boards...reciting a fictitious chat
MB: How long have you been married?
J: 3 years
MB: and how many kids do you have?
J: 2
MB: oh yea, all goes down hill now. You'll never get any
J: damn
S: laughing
J: Come on...
S: Not happening, I'm going to's past your bedtime

**baby woke up about 10 mins later**

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

My 15...I'm sorry, 5 year old

5 weeks...5 weeks of bliss and then BAM, back to reality.

If I have to say 'you don't talk to me like that' one more time, I may lock him in his room until he's 18 and can move out.
Just a glimpse of what he said to me today

~You don't talk to ME like that
~I'm not talking to you
~Just get me whatever you want
~no, no, no, no...etc
~I don't have an attitude
~I can just do whatever I want

How is it that he is still alive? I don't know...he's cute?

He went to bed at 7:30, without dinner...maybe that will help.

Friday, July 18, 2008

1 month stats and update

Before you say it, I know this needs pictures. I have them, I'm just far too tired to get them off the camera and edit right now. I will later, promise!

Ian is 1 month old, actually he's 5 weeks and 1 day but who's counting, right?

He had his check up yesterday and he is weighing in at 9lbs 11oz!! Almost a full 2lbs up from birth! He's 21 1/4 inches long...he is getting so big!!

In other news, Aiden went camping with my parents and came home with an ear infection. Poor guy has been running a fever since yesterday and just watching tv.

Mommy? She's tired and wants both boys to nap so she can SLEEP! She is also in need of an adult beverage, but it's a little early for all that.

I promise a better blog at a later time.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Confessions of the day

1. I am a closeted control freak.
I like things done my way and it secretly annoys me when they don't get done like that. I generally don't say anything but I have come to realize that I'm more of a control freak then I ever even realized, which brings me to my second confession

2. I am a poor communicator.
I'm a bottler...I let things simmer and stew around in my head until I either freak out or cry. The melt down usually starts with me being quiet and not looking Jared in the usually ends with me crying and him apologizing for whatever it is that he's done, or hasn't done, to irritate me. God am I lucky to have a man that knows how to apologize.

3. I am not good at being wrong.
I can admit fault to some people...but I have a really hard time admitting it to other people who share this same flaw. It's like a power struggle.

4. I have authority issues.
I've always been a rule follower but when it came to people close to me, if they told me I couldn't do something...I immediately had to do it. Typical? Yes, for a high schooler...but I'm still the same way. If Jared ever had the audacity to tell me I couldn't do something or go somewhere I'd probably do it out of spite. Of course, he knows better...he's much better at appealing to my rational side and making me decide to not do whatever dumb thing I'm considering.

5. I am a horrid housekeeper
Seriously...horrible. I hate everything about cleaning...there is not one single chore that I consider tolerable. It's all torture if you ask me. I do enjoy the way the house looks on the rare occasion that it is clean but I hate getting it to be that way.

6. I procrastinate on everything.
I must do everything at the last minute, I work well under pressure. I once had to go to walmart at 7am, missing my first class, to by ink for my printer b/c I stayed up all night finishing my English paper...a paper that I had at least 3 weeks to work on and counted for a good chunk of my final grade. I'm the girl that makes lists but doesn't cross anything off those lists until the day/hour before absolutely necessary. Jared is the same way...and yet this trait annoys me in him.

7. I am a hypocrite
**see #6**

Friday, July 11, 2008

I want to quit

Breastfeeding that is.

I know the reasons for keeping at it and they are all very good reasons, but I'm *this* close to quitting. No, not b/c it hurts, it actually doesn't really hurt at all anymore. Thank goodness! I survived the poor latch and the tongue tied issue, I made it through that first week...and then the first week do-over after his tongue got clipped. It should be easy...and I guess if I'm being honest, it is.

However...I still want to quit.

It's not magical or beautiful or some grand bonding experience for me. He nurses and nurses and nurses all while I'm telling my 5 year old 'sorry, I can't do that right now' and by the time he's finished eating and I get whatever it is that Aiden needed, go pee and MAYBE get something to eat...he's hungry again. For me, it's just annoying. I'd rather be able to give him a bottle and let Jared feed him or even let Aiden feed him so I can get a break, even a short one. I'm doing the pumping thing but really? It's a pain too.
Part of me knows this is the hormones talking...and part of me knows that I will be shocked and amazed if I make it another month.

I guess this post is to remind all the new moms and soon to be moms out there that there is nothing wrong with you if you don't want to breastfeed...if you are like me, and you just don't like it, it doesn't make you a bad mom. Heck, if you decide you don't even want to try...that's fine too and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Yes, the first few weeks SUCK but we're all strong women, we are perfectly capable of handling it but if you decide you just don't want to handle it there is no shame in that. Your baby, your boobs, your choice!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Karol, you ask, I answer

Karol asked me how Jared and I met (even though she already knows the story) and b/c she asked...I shall answer.

My senior year of HS my best friend worked in a restaurant, she was constantly telling me stories of all the cute boys at work. It was spring break and we both had the night off with nothing to do. She decided we should go see what one of the guys at work was doing, so we did. Jared was a cook at the time and had just turned 21. I'd seen him before since I frequently went to visit her at work but this was the first time we'd actually met.
It was decided that he and his roommate would come to my house, with beer, when he got off work.
They showed up and we drank Woodchuck. I drank one b/c I'm not a beer friend on the other hand, drank way too many. Which at that time, was probably 3. Anyway, the whole night I was trying to hook my friend and Jared up. I tried to arrange the seats so they were next to each other, showed him pictures of her in my photo albums. Anything I could think of.

After a little while she wasn't feeling so hot and ended up puking in my bathroom. She was also calling for Jared to come hold her hair, and being the nice guy that he is...he did it. His poor roommate probably didn't know what to think at this point. My mom woke up and wanted to know what on earth was going on. I told her (she wasn't mad, if you know my mom you'd understand) and she told us to quiet down. It was probably 2am at this point. She decided that the boys had drank way too much and that they weren't leaving. They went out and parked their car down the street so my dad wouldn't see it when he left for work. The four of us were sent to my room until my dad left (7-7:30am but he wakes up around 4-5)
My friend and Jared's roommate both passed out leaving Jared and I to entertain ourselves.
We ended up talking all night, literally. We never went to sleep and we talked about anything and everything. I had to take my mom somewhere that morning and I even had him kill a spider in the bathroom for me when I went to shower...little did he know that 9 years later he would still be killing spiders for me.

The boys left and my friend wanted to know if I thought Jared liked me. Honestly, I didn't. I mean the whole evening was about fixing them up.

As it turns out, he thought the whole night was about him getting fixed up with ME.
After a whole lot of high school girl drama, Jared and I ended up together...and yes, she and I are still friends.

Monday, July 7, 2008

My sweet boy...

Jared put Aiden to bed around 9 tonight. About an hour later I go upstairs to change and he's sitting up in his bed. Thinking something might be wrong I turn the light on and ask him what he's doing.

"They need a pillow"
"Aiden, what?" a little annoyed that he's still awake knowing he'll still be up at 7am.
"I got up and turned the fan off. They need a pillow to be comfortable but they can't have mine" looking around to see if he can find another pillow, completely perplexed as to what he should do.
"Who needs a pillow?"
"Froggie and shark" points to his floor "I covered them up but they need a pillow"
"Well sweetie, shark in on your shirt, they can use that as a pillow. Get back to bed"
"OH OKAY" hops out of bed, moves shark and froggie so they are laying on the shirt and covers them up with the sheet from his bed.

I will update tomorrow with pictures of shark and froggie, no they are not stuffed animals. Froggie is from the Jumping Frog game. It's a tiny rubber frog. Shark is a plastic shark that opens it's mouth...and he eats froggie. Nice, I know.

Aiden's first word(s)

JenM asked me what Aiden's first word I shall answer. (Karol, I didn't skip you, just haven't had time to finish that story yet ;) )

Aiden said the usual sounds/words...mama & dada. His first real word? Tickle. Not.even.kidding. Most kids say dog or ball, not mine...he said tickle. Okay, so maybe it was my fault b/c I loved tickling the poor child and listening to him giggle.

His second real word, Stacy *rolls eyes*

He was a late talker, he would babble non stop and carry on conversations that nobody else could understand, but didn't actually start speaking in English for quite some time. We even thought something might be wrong.

Of course once he started, he hasn't stopped. Go figure

Sunday, July 6, 2008


Who doesn't want a $100 Target gift card!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The Question Game

You ask, I answer...that's it.

Pretty easy stuff, right?

Come on, it'll give me something to do at 3am when Ian wants to eat and I can't get back to sleep....or at 11pm when I don't want to sleep yet b/c I know he'll be up soon to eat again.

So, help a girl out...leave me a comment asking me whatever you want and I'll blog the answer. Fun times, I know!

BTW: stole this idea from Jill :)