Monday, October 12, 2009

He missed the memo

You know, the memo that every husband SHOULD receive that says:

Dear Husband,
When your wife spends more then her usual 30 seconds getting ready, slips in to a brand new (CUTE!) black dress and puts on her fuck me red heels, you should probably acknowledge it. Here are some replies, depending on the circumstances, that are acceptable:

"Wow honey, you look amazing"
"Have I told you how gorgeous (sexy, beautiful etc.) you are?"
"I am going to be the luckiest man at (insert location here)"
"Do we have to leave?" while leering (yes, in this case, leering is appropriate)
"I can't wait to get you home" Again, this is appropriate (depending on the occasion)

All of these things should be said before sex...compliments during sex do not count ...and for the record, same goes for those made during foreplay.

Things you should NOT say when your wife is standing in front of you looking hot:

"Are you wearing your girdle?" while caressing her backside.
"You're getting veins like your mom."
"Your toenail polish does look pink"
"How much did those shoes cost?"

Also, for such occasions as, oh I don't know, anniversaries...if she plans it, saves the money for it and makes the reservations, it is in your best interest to do something for her. A simple card, a Thank You maybe even a box of chocolates or just STFU about how much money is being spent for one (or 2) night/s.

The Happy Husband Help Team

When it says in your vows that you will buy your wife a white rose each year, on your anniversary, do not make her remind you 4 days later. Chances are good, it won't end well for you.

** I can not disclose if some or all of the above were mentioned at some point in the past 3 days, for fear that if I do, I will be forced to hurt someone**


*Noelle* said...

OMG!!!! He seriously did not acknowledge your hotness?? Men are LAME!! Brian has a habit of saying " You look NICE!" Grandma's look NICE! I told him he better come up with a MUCH BETTER word for our wedding day!!! Like SMOKIN', HOTTTTT, BANGIN', BREATH TAKING... yea, I know, I am dreaming!!!

♥ ya!!

natalie said...

If I just randomly smack him upside the head sometime in the future, you'll know why....