Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I understand remembering the good

What I don't understand is why death makes people want to rewrite history.

My grandmother passed away last night. It's sad, I'm not denying that. She was in her 80's and had some pretty serious health issues. Recently she caught a virus that they simply couldn't fight off.

I loved my grandma, I did. I spent many weekends with her as a child, I was thrilled when she and my grandpa surprised me on my wedding day. They are my grandparents and I love them.

That being sad, my grandmother was not the nicest person. She was funny and sarcastic but she was also down right cruel and hurtful. The older I get, the more I try to understand what makes me the way I am (the good and the bad) more and more goes back to my mom, and with that comes understanding what made her the way she is. Aside from some pretty tragic events in her childhood, a lot of it comes down to the way my grandma has treated her.

Now, I'm not going to speak ill of the dead...but I'm not going to be all rainbows and sunshine about her either. I have a lot of really fond memories of her. She taught me to play Rummy, she used to cut HUGE pieces of watermelon for me and we'd sit in her living room and eat while we played. She let me stay up late to watch movies. In the one bedroom of their house they had at least 10 layers of paint, you could see all the many colors in places where it had chipped. There are a lot of very good memories...but why is it that when someone passes, those people who know better want to suddenly make everyone believe that they were some kind of saint? She wasn't, and I don't think she'd want people to rewrite history to turn her in to one. I'm not saying now is the time to air all of our dirty laundry...but let's at least keep it real. Remember her for the good things that really were good and let go of the rest. She's at peace now, probably yelling at some poor kid for not wearing an undershirt and slippers and stocking up on Vernors.

Oh, and as a side note. I was 30 seconds from finding out that she passed away via Facebook. So, for anyone reading this, if you have news (good or bad) do not post all over Facebook at 4am before you've notified the important people in your life (immediate family in this case). It's wrong. Facebook status updates are a great way to get info to a lot of people at once...but there is a thing called tact...and consideration of others feelings. Luckily, my dad called to tell me the news just as I was sitting down to log in....I'm not sure the rest of the family was so lucky. :/

1 comment:

Fire Wife said...

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss.

I wanted to write something really clever & relatable here, but nothing comes to mind, so I'll simply say:

I agree with your post. 100%.