Sunday, February 5, 2012

Wish I could be blind

HH and I weren't teenagers when I got pregnant with Aiden but we weren't exactly in the prime spot to be having a baby either. I was 21, he was 23. We'd been together for 3 years and things were good but we were still just kids. We partied, we stayed up late, I worked 3 jobs and we just went along our merry way.

Aiden changed all of that. In a good way, in a HUGE way.

Through my pregnancy I just sort of did it. I didn't read books, I skipped the birthing classes, these online communities didn't exist the way they do today and the only people that I had to turn to was my mom, the girls I worked with and my 2 friends who were also pregnant/had just had babies. Of course they were as clueless as I was (if you're reading this, hi girls!) so it was the blind leading the blind. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to being blind.

I've said it before, there is such a thing as too much information.

With Aiden I didn't compare myself to other parents, I never worried that other moms would think I was doing something wrong. I just did it, I did whatever worked for us in that moment. There was no right or wrong in my world back was all about survival and making the most of what we had. Sure, I doubted myself plenty of times. I cried, I yelled, I laughed and then I sucked it up and kept going. If something was wrong and I didn't know what to do I didn't run to the internet to find the answer. I got on the phone and I called my mom, my aunt or a friend. From there I decided what I thought would work or if it was something that required it, I called the Dr.

Guess what? Aiden made it through infancy and toddlerhood just fine and in one piece.

Now, bring on Ian and I'm immersed in a world of online communities, social media and GOOGLE. Oh, gotta love the internets. (or interwebs if you prefer) While I adore all of these sites I sometimes wish I could go back to the days when I just went on blindly. Ignorance is bliss sometimes. It really is. I wouldn't wonder if I made the right choice in not sending Ian to preschool this year, I wouldn't read posts from other moms about their kids reading and writing and doing math(!!!) and wonder why my kid wasn't there yet. In my blind little world there would be the occasional parenting magazines with tips on getting organized but there wouldn't be an entire website just asking to make me feel guilty for not giving a damn about crafts.

I don't think we intentionally set out to make another mom feel guilty or feel like she's doing less then a perfect job at raising her kids...but it happens. It's inevitable, especially when it's all just so accessible. Everyone wants validation that they're doing something right and so they post on a message board, update their facebook, create a that other mom's will ohhh and ahh and say "wow, you are doing a great job"

So, for all of those mom's out there that are just trying to figure it out one day at a time: You're doing a great job!! For all of those mom's out there that don't do crafts with their kids, skip the bedtime book b/c omg you just need them to sleep right now: You're doing a good job! For the parents who want to ship their kids off to grandma the second it hits 5pm on Friday b/c you NEED a night out: You're doing a good job!

Let's stop comparing ourselves to others, stop trying to measure up, stop trying to make sure we fit in to some kind of mold that WE think we should be in...and let's just start parenting, parenting in a way that works for us and screw everyone else.

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