If you don't have anything nice to say, don't blog

I've started several different blogs over the past week and they're all just...not right.

I'm angry, I'm bitter, I'm crabby...and I'm just off. If I didn't know better I'd think I was pregnant (which, before you suggest it...I am NOT) There is a lot I want to say and no way to say it. I sometimes wish I was one of those people who just said what they thought, all the time, and were respected for it. But, I'm not.

So, I'm sorry for my hiatus. I'll try to be back soon...with something at least sarcastic for you to enjoy, if not funny.

I will leave you with this though:

T1: This place is a dump
T1's Friend (T1F): What's a dump
T1: you know, when you dump your girlfriend *whispering so I won't hear*
T1F: WHAT?
T1: Shh, don't tell my mommy. When you dump your girlfriend you take her heart out of her body and throw it.
T1F: Ohhhhh

I think he's been watching too much Drake and Josh

The post I almost forgot about

One of the many sitting in my "draft" folder just waiting to be posted. Poor poor neglected posts. They're the red headed step children of the blog. *sigh*



My parents went out of town for a few days. I decided to spend that time cleaning out their living room. You see, we had a yard sale and all of my stuff was sitting in boxes and rubbermaid just waiting to be put on ebay, taken to goodwill or just tossed. Except, well, the yard sale was back in July and that pile o' crap was still there. Over 2 days I loaded it all up and brought it home, where it is now piled in my kitchen. Hey, it's out of their living room!! I hit Goodwill and found them coffee table for $15 with cubbies to put the kids toys. I cleaned/organized the closet to put the kids books and toys they don't play with as much so they're out of site. I think it was a vast improvement to an otherwise (IMO) ugly room. (sorry mom!...not that she reads, but you know, just in case)

I forgot to take a before, but this is what it was when I did remember...after I had started sorting. The boxes/containers were all piled as neatly as you could pile junk before I started.







**this was almost 2 weeks ago. Yes, I'm a bit behind. sue me**

Bags Bags Bags

Have I mentioned that I love bags? Or purses...or handbags...or whatever you want to call them. I love them...I walk through the store and run my hand across the fine (or sometimes not so) leather. I marvel at the color combination and contemplate what it would and wouldn't match.

And then I leave.

With nothing.

Because I"m cheap and I use the same purse until it dies. *sigh* Unless of course I find a killer deal on clearance. :)

Seven Clown Circus is doing a seriously kick ass giveaway right now.

Here is a preview and a few of my favorites:



So, head on over to Seven Clown Circus and check the rest of what Native Honey has to offer. You won't be disappointed!

Out of the mouth of a 6 year old

**picking up HH's paycheck, kissing him goodbye**

M: Love you, baby
HH: Love you too
T1: He's not a baby, he's a maaaaaan

**in the car, getting ready to head to the grocery store**

T1: Are we going yet?!
M: Turning around to look him in the eye That is what I am always telling you about. You don't need to say things with the attitude. It's not what you say, it's HOW you say it. All you had to say was "mommy, are we going to leave? or Mommy are you ready?"
T1: I can't see your eyes, all I can see is my leg
staring at my sunglasses and lifting his knee to see the reflection
M: mumbling, Good conversation, kid. Glad we had that talk

**picking up eggs at the grocery store**

T1: Mommy mommy, they're hatching!!
pointing frantically at a flat of eggs, one is cracked
M: No sweetie, they're not hatching one is just cracked.
T1: No mommy, for real, it's hatching.
M: Alrighty kid, whatever you say

**in Walmart**

Strange old lady: looking at T2 Oh, I love your shoes. Aren't you a cutie
M: pushing cart away so strange old lady doesn't rub T2's head like a watermelon
T1: He's my baby brother. He came out of my mommy's belly
poking belly for emphasis

I can't make this stuff up

Let's start with the toad.
The toad that is missing. In my house.

Now, you'd probably assume this was the fault of one of my children...but no. It's all HH and I. We're talented like that.
My brother bought T1 a Firebelly Toad and sent it home in a small little tank. While trying to figure out when to feed it (T1 was insisting every day...that seemed like a lot for such a little toad) HH found out they're supposed to be in a 10 gallon tank. The logical chain of events would be to go to the pet store the following day and purchase a new tank. Oh no, not in this house. HH comes down with a rubbermaid container, it's one of the small tall one used to hold 8x10 scrapbook paper...which he emptied. He filled it with water, got sticks and rocks and put it on the table. Toad's new home. Except he couldn't put the lid on all the way and the little sucker got on the rock, dried out and the climbed up the edge and hopped out. I found him on the edge once and got him back in...I thought I moved the lid enough so that he still had air but couldn't get out...I was wrong. The next morning, no toad. Yesterday...no toad. Today...no toad. So I probably have a decaying toad somewhere in my house, most likely in a vent. Lovely, isn't it? And I can't even blame the kids.

Oh, it gets better folks!

Last friday I stopped at a local bakery and picked up a few goodies for a playdate, except I didn't have enough cash...Klassy...after digging through my purse I was still 45 cents short and he said I could bring it in next time. Nice guy. In my defense, who doesn't take credit these days?! Anyway I stopped in yesterday morning, I bought a few brownies for my parents and headed out to drop T1 at school and T2 with grandma. I ate a chocolate brownie with peanut butter icing, in the car, for breakfast. After, I met a group of moms from T2's school for coffee and ate an apple turnover. Jared and I then decided that night to go out for Mexican, where I had enchiladas and followed it up with fried ice cream. Can you say heffer?
This morning I woke up late, probably b/c I was in a food induced coma and coming down off all the sugar from yesterday. Trying to leave the house, already 5 mins later then I needed to be out of the house, I couldn't find my keys. I searched...no keys. I tell HH he needs to take T1 to school and of course just as he's finally dressed I find them. On the entertainment center in the play room, exactly where I put them when we walked in last night and I put T2 down and started a movie for him while we did T1's spelling words.

Yes, it would be nice to blame the kids for missing keys...but again, I can't.
And yes, I put my 15 month old in front of the tv.

So....
I finally ran out of the house in paint covered yoga pants that I slept in, that have a hole at the seam a little too close to my lady business...a tshirt with with a sweatershirt over it and flip flops. No bra...hair in ponytail. I was Klassy with a capital K, let me tell ya. Except, oh wait...we're late for school. I have to WALK HIM IN, sign in and walk him up to his class. Oh yea...and the new director that I haven't officially met yet, is in the office...and there are assorted teachers...and did I mention I'm a new board member?! My only saving grace is that T2 was on my hip, hopefully covering the bouncing girls and distracting everyone by being cute. I took tiny steps, keeping my thighs together for fear that some preschooler would ask me why I had a hole in my pants.

Needless to say...I went straight to Starbucks after.

And you'd think the story stops there...but no. I order my coffee, go to pay and realize that HH must have put my card back in his wallet at dinner last night. So I paid for my $4.05 Grande White Mocha with $2.10 in change. I'm super cool like that!
OH WAIT!! HH just sent me a text and says he did put the card in my purse. ahhhhh!!!

I'm not proof reading...I'm sure there are mistakes but I just don't have the energy.

1 year giveaway!

No, not mine. I would have to be organized in order to even know when my 1 year blogiversary happened...and I am not.

Stacy is having a super delicious giveaway to celebrate 1 year. And holy crap does she have a lot of followers for 1 year. I have to say, I'm a bit jealous.

You can enter if you'd like...or not...but if you do, and you know me IRL, I expect you to share...mmmkay? Thanks :)


So go HERE and enter to win.

I was going to post a 9/11 blog

But I'm being rebellious and not doing it. Not that I don't remember exactly where I was (work) and what I was doing (laughing at one of our crazy salesmen only he wasn't kidding about planes flying in to buildings) but I just don't think the blogsphere wants to read another "Where were you 8 years ago" post. I'm pretty sure there is some kind of limit on those. So instead I am going to post randomness and hopefully it'll make you laugh...at least a little. (btw, I'm not unAmerican or evil, I swear...I just prefer to remember quietly)

Last night I had to tell T1, again, not to come to the dinner table naked. I don't know what it is about that kid but he would run around naked all day if I'd let him.

Earlier today, I had to tell T2 not to put the drum sticks in the toilet...which he proceeded to do anyway, before I could stop him. He laughed in glee and was so damn proud of himself.

T1's teacher kept saying "but he's so cute" while telling us how much he talks in class. I have a feeling this is what will get my son in...and out of...lots of trouble in years to come.

T2 has a new favorite "word", it's nigga nigga nigga. over and over and over...which is fine at 15 months (tomorrow) but when his almost 7 (!!!!) year old brother starts saying it in the grocery store you get some funny looks.

Our 5 year wedding anniversary is coming up next month. I looked up the traditional gifts and it's wood. I don't even want to tell HH, he's going to have an effing field day with that one. I can hear the jokes now!

Go back in time?

It's a common question, if you could go back in time and change something would you? If so, what? Usually you get the generic answer of "oh, no. Everything has made me who I am today" Okay, yea that is true. There are a few small things here and there that I may change but nothing major...so I'm not going to ask that question.
My question is, if you could go back to a time in your life and relive it, exactly as it happened when would you choose? It can be a week, a year, a summer...etc.

For me, I think I would go back to 8th grade. It was a time of being old enough to feel like I was "mature" yet young enough to still not have a care in the world. My life consisted of school, friends and saving enough lunch money for my football or movie ticket.
I had my first real boyfriend and my first real kiss. We made out in the woods by the football field. We were oh so sneaky. My friend and I would giggle afterward, feeling so grown up in our short shorts and body suits (okay, maybe I'd like to skip the body suits...). That boyfriend was short lived and yet probably the most memorable, funny how that works...although, he did reappear later in my HS years. I distinctly remember him breaking up with me, being crushed and sobbing to my friends. I also remember going to the dance that night and one of the hottest boys asking me to dance. He didn't go to our school but everyone knew him, I had moved there the year before so I had no idea who he was. Even now...way too many years to count later...if I hear "I'll Make Love To You" by Boyz II Men I can remember that night. I quickly forgot about my 13 year old broken heart. A week later I went on my first date...a double date to see Forrest Gump. We made out through almost the entire movie...which is quite the feat, I must say.
Again, the "relationship" was short lived...and followed by several more "boyfriends". It was a time of fun, a time of no worries. I became so close to my best friends that year...friends I still talk to, friends I don't know what I would do without.

Yes, if I could go back, I'd relive Sept 1994-Aug 1995. Bad clothes and worse hair be damned. I'd go back to just being a kid before the drama of HS, before having to get a job and pay for a car...before I had any real responsibility.

What if I squeeze them?

T1: Mommy, where is that toy I borrowed?
M: I don't know glancing over T1 go put some clothes on and dry your hair! You are not playing toys until you are dressed.
T1: *sigh* where are my pajamas?
M: Look in your room. Why are you grabbing yourself, are you okay?
HH: (chiming in) Gotta go pee?
T1: NO! I just don't know what these big ol' ball things are. They're huge
M: Trying really hard not to laugh. Daddy?
HH: Those are testicles*
T1: What happens if I squeeze them?
HH: It'll hurt, I don't recommend doing that. Now please, go get dressed
T1: Okay!

M: still laughing
HH: What was that "Daddy"?
M: Well, you're the one with the matching parts
HH: Maybe we should have had that girl

*I can only imagine that internet searches that will now bring people to my blog.

MWW...Family Fun Day

I do manage to do this on most Wednesdays...but usually b/c it's an easy post and doesn't require me to write much :)

HH took Friday off work and we took the boys to play! First, T1's first ride on the Go Karts!


Then the rock climbing wall, he did really well!


The park and a bike ride. (I pushed T2 in the stroller)

Breaking more of the rules

I've never been very good at "Not Me Monday" or "Blog Fart Friday". I have a bit of blogger ADD, I simply can not manage to blog about a certain topic on a specific day. So, I'm throwing those rules out the window.
If you'd like to post your own rule breaker post, go for it! It doesn't matter if it's today, tomorrow...whatever. Once a week I will post about breaking the rules...and feel free to come visit and link up. (Mr. Linky isn't working for me...so just post the link to your blog in the comments section and I'll list them at the bottom) Nothing makes you feel better about yourself then reading about what someone else did so we can all laugh and say "oh, I am so glad I'm not alone!" So come on, let's play...or not, I will post anyway.

You know "they" say you should let your child start experimenting with utensils as early as 7-8 months. Well, yea...I guess if you call grabbing the spoon from my hand experimenting we did that.
Yesterday I decided to let T1 feed himself. I'm sure starting with oatmeal or something similar would have been best...but I like to jump in feet first. He woke up from his nap around 4 and, of course, was starving. Dinner was going to be ready about 6:30 so I made him a hot dog and a bit of left over chili to hold him over. I stripped him, plopped him in his chair and let him have at it..and boy did he ever!





And yes...he has a spoon AND a fork...that are metal. :)


****************************************************
And our first player:
Mommy of M's

Sometimes you gotta suck it up

Got a call last night from an old friend’s wife
Said I hate to bother you
Johnny Ray fell off the wagon
He’s been gone all afternoon
I know my buddy so I drove to Skully’s
And found him at the bar
I say hey man, what’s going on
He said I don’t know where to start

Sarah’s old car’s about to fall apart
And the washer quit last week
We had to put momma in the nursing home
And the baby’s cutting teeth
I didn’t get much work this week
And I got bills to pay
I said I know this ain’t what you wanna hear
But it’s what I’m gonna say

(Chorus)
Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me

Well his face turned red and he shook his head
He said you don’t understand
Three kids and a wife depend on me
And I’m just one man
To top it off I just found out
That Sarah’s 2 months late
I said hey bartender set us up a round
We need to celebrate

(Chorus)
Sounds like life to me plain old destiny
Yeah the only thing for certain is uncertainty
You gotta hold on tight just enjoy the ride
Get used to all this unpredictability
Sounds like life

Man I know its tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
Sounds like life to me
Sounds like life

The "Rules"

My friend Brooke posted about letting her son break the rules.

It got me thinking...who makes the rules?

I mean, who says it's bad to let my kids eat bread for dinner and ice cream for breakfast? Who says that letting them stay up until 10 so they'll sleep until 9 is wrong? What holier then thou man or woman deemed it unacceptable to bribe your children with candy and treats so that you can get just 5 minutes of quiet while walking through the store? Why is it wrong that I don't have covers on my light sockets or latches on my cupboards...both kids are alive without incident (well, accept that time T1 pulled a bookshelf on top of himself, but yea...that was a fluke)
I may or may not have done all of the above at some point in time.

See, when T1 was born and up until he was probably 4, I didn't know many of these rules existed. I was winging it and making it up as I went along. He turned out okay, so far. With T2, I know so much more then I knew before. I have so many more resources then I had before, which I love, but it also puts pressure to be that perfect mom. Kids should have bed times, kids should eat three balanced meals a day, they should not have ice cream for breakfast, you should not plop them in front of the tv so that you can sit and check your email...the list goes on. I'm sure we all do things that we would die if some of our other mommy friends found out about because of guilt.

Well, ya know what? Starting now...damn the rules! Whoever it is that created them doesn't live in my house, they don't have my kids and if they want to tell me that they could raise them better then I can...I'd like to see them try!

When did we decide that living by the rules was more important then living in the moment?

I lost a follower

What's next? Anonymous comments?

What is the world coming to? Well, my tiny part of the world anyway!

I, quite possibly, offended someone with my post on the Duggars. Ah well, life goes on.

I will, most certainly, offend someone else. What's a girl to do?!

When I get bored (MWW)

Things like this happen:




HH doesn't like it...he wants to know why I went from being a real redhead to a fake one. Well, whatever. I was bored and wanted something different. It's my hair after all. :)

Okay, really?! I mean, REALLY?!

Michelle Duggar is knocked up once again.

I'm sure everyone is going to be blogging about this today...but whatever. Call me a follower.

I just don't get it, I really don't. If someone cares to explain it, go for it.

19 KIDS?!?!?! NINETEEN?!
Once this one is born:
That is 171 months that this woman has spent being pregnant
14.25 YEARS of her life have been spent knocked up
5021.25 DAYS of her life, she's another human taking over body

I'm sorry, I get that some people enjoy being pregnant but that just does not sound like a good time to me.

Also, this quote from People is about the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my entire life:

"I was in Weight Watchers with Jim Bob and I wasn't losing any weight," she said. "I couldn't figure it out. I was doing what I should. And the baby, who was nursing, was fussy. I kept thinking, 'This isn't right. She isn't teething, she doesn't have an ear infection. I'm not cheating on my diet, I should be losing weight.' Then, I put two and two together and wondered if I could possibly be pregnant."

Um, lady, you have had EIGHTEEN children. 18!!!!! HOW...HOW can you not know you are pregnant?! Come on now. Someone needs to send this chick a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility and teach her the signs to look out for.
I get that they're against birth control and it's gods will and blah blah blah...but you don't need to be a rocket scientist to have an idea of when you are fertile and I don't know...maybe just skip the horizontal mambo for a few days.

And speaking of...how in the hell do you even have the energy to HAVE sex with 18 kids?! I barely have time and energy with TWO!!!