Guilt

HH tells me I'd make a great Catholic. I have guilt issues.
Basically, I feel guilty about pretty much everything, all the time.
House is a mess? I feel guilty.
Spend all day cleaning? I feel guilty because I should be working...or doing something with the kids.
Working? Oh yea, guilt. Should be doing something else.
If something doesn't get done, if I don't cook dinner, if I forget a birthday...I feel guilty. The problem is that with the guilt is a feeling of being completely and totally overwhelmed by everything.
It also means when I do accomplish something, if it's not perfect, I get really upset. If I make a new recipe and HH doens't like it...I take it personally.
I HATE this...because I know this is where it started with me and I do NOT want my boys to end up feeling this way. If I didn't LOVE something my mom did/bought me, she'd feel bad. She'd blame herself...and thus, no matter what it was, I always pretended to love it. I could never really be open with her because her feelings were hurt so easily. I'm hoping that knowing this, will help me avoid creating the same cycle with my boys. I want them to feel like they can tell me what they are thinking, I want them to feel comfortable in their own opinions and not feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me for fear that I'll breakdown.

I want to be better, I want to let go of the guilt and just accept that life isn't perfect. Sometimes the house will be messy, the kids will act out in public, work will be put off to do something fun and sometimes I'll have to tell the boys no so that I can get something else accomplished.

In my head, I know all of this...I just need to figure out the best way to let go. It's hard to break old habits.

We really should learn to check the stairs

M: Go brush your teeth, it's bed time.

A: but I'm playing my game

M: I don't care, don't make me get up

A: *sigh* ugh.

M: Kid, you'd better get up there and brush your teeth

A: FINE! but you need to come up with me and tuck me in.

M: Just go upstairs, I'll tuck you in when you finish brushing

A: UGH! I don't want to have to come back down

M: *deep breath* GO!

A: *stomping up the stairs*

HH: You're such a mean mommy

M: Yep, just sign me up for mommy dearest

HH: Just wait until he's 16 and calling you a bitch

M: I'll still..

A: DADDY! What the...I heard that!

HH: *sigh* Go upstairs!!

M: Thanks daddy

HH: Well I didn't know he was there

M: As I was saying, I will STILL wash his mouth out with soap!

Yep...we really need to start checking the stairs.

Weekend Randomness

What a weekend!!

Saturday morning I got up and took the boys to a Dr Seuss storytime at Borders. It was a really cute way to kill an hour with the kids. They read a story, decorated bookmarks, handed out coloring pages and then gave all the kids small milkshakes (cake batter flavored...fabulous!). Both boys had fun, then we checked out the clearance books, mommy got coffee and we headed home for naptime.

That evening we had a BBQ to go to, it was absolutely beautiful out and the kids had a blast. It was at this BBQ that I was introduced to Caribou Lou. Have you heard of this? It's a deceptively delicious beverage consisting of 151, Malibu and Pineapple juice. I am a sucker for malibu and this tastes like malibu and pineapple...but oh my dear lord, that 151 knocked me on my ass!! I didn't drink at the BBQ b/c I was meeting the girls out for drinks after. My wonderful husband was nice enough to drop me off while he went home and put the kids to bed. (yea, he's a keeper)

I started the evening off with my drink of choice, a blue margarita. My friend Karol makes fabulous blue margaritas and I can't go visit her when she's behind the bar without having one. Once the other girls showed up, I decided to have her make us some Caribou Lou's.

2.5 drinks later...(and let's not forget the margarita) it was time to head home. Luckily I had a DD and while I was fine the whole way home, got in the door and checked my FB/email, brushed my teeth and changed my clothes...I was still feeling pretty good. Of course I also decided to jump my husband. It wasn't until after the big O, that the 151 decided to sneak up on me and knock my on my ass, literally. So while hubby was waiting for his grand finale, I was on the bathroom floor wishing I would just get sick already....but, I didn't. He eventually realized it so wasn't happening for him and went to sleep. I, being the oh so klassy girl that I am, decided the cool tile floor on the bathroom felt nice...and once my head stopped spinning I passed out right there, with a my head in the hall and a towel for a pillow. Good thing that kids didn't wake up!

I was in some pain today, I so didn't feel like doing anything but since hubby would be watching football it was either leave the house or deal with 2 kids while wishing I could sleep. I decided it would be a good day to take Ian to his first movie. I took Grandma for backup.
We saw Despicable Me. It was cute...and Ian did really well. He got antsy towards the end and I had to go let him run the halls a bit, but considering it was nap time...I'd say it was a win. Unlike me partying like a rockstar...FAIL.

Over all, it was a great weekend!

That time my husband was hanging out with hookers

Friday night my husband was hanging out with hookers. Yep, hookers. Honest to goodness ladies of the night. I'm not sure if there was a red light involved, but possibly. There was some screaming, one girl getting put in to a cab, a guy running a poker game where he thought he would have a bunch of guys in suits and girls serving drinks (and other services) while he took a cut of everything.
It resulted in one pissed off guy because apparently the girl didn't get the memo on what services a hooker was supposed to supply (and I ain't talkin' no kissing on the lips either), a bunch of liquored up cable techs and the "house" paying people to just shut the fuck up.

Oh yea, only around here.

Now rest assured, my darling husband was just hanging out watching all of the drama unfold while eating some chicken and drinking a beer (or 5). He just happened to be in the wrong place at the right time for all of this. I was at home sleeping, although I did get woken up by the screaming when they had to put the first girl in a cab. I just figured it was another domestic dispute. For some reason people around here like to go out in to the middle of the road to fight, making sure to stand at least 2 driveways apart, so that everyone on the street can hear them.

Have I mentioned that I need to move?

In other news...things I didn't think I'd have to say.

"Aiden, please put your brothers balls away"
"Keep your hands on your own slinkies!"
"Stop dippin' in our conversation"

Wish I had the rack to go with the weight

I've been putting off the whole diet and exercise thing for WAY too long.

I NEED to get my ass in gear.

I occurred to me yesterday though, that I could be happy at the size I am now if I had the rack to go with it. Seriously. While the girls have grown, they're not nearly proportional enough to my tummy (tummy, that makes it sound so cute.) and thighs. It makes it really difficult to find clothes that fit right. If it fits up top, it's too tight around my middle and vice versa. But rather then get a boob job to fix the girls, I guess I'll have to just start trying to deflate the inflatable tube that resides around my middle section.

Right after I finish my white mocha that is.

The kinky tooth fairy

First of all. My oldest son is 7, his name is Aiden. My younger son is 2, his name is Ian. There, now it's out there for all of the internets :)

On the way to school the other day Aiden decides to start questioning the Tooth Fairy. Some of the kids at school told him it's really just your mom and dad that take your teeth and leave you money. Apparently 2 of the kids in his class found their teeth in their parents room. Can you imagine? I mean, before the lightbulb goes on as to WHY they have a ziplock bag full of tiny teeth....can you imagine trying to figure out what in the hell your parent are doing with...TEETH!? Anyway, I ask him what he thinks and at first he agrees with the kids at school but then he remembers that the tooth fairy left him money and took his most recent tooth when nobody was even home. You know, b/c that dumb fairy "was sick" the night before and didn't make it. So, he's still on the fence.

Why didn't I just tell him the truth? Well, here's the thing for those of you with small children that don't yet question the ways of the universe and everything else in between. They like to ask the hard questions while you are driving...and usually before you've had your coffee. This way, they catch you off guard while you are rocking out to a little Daughtry and trying to wake up. They don't have to look you in the eye either, major plus when they are confessing to something they think they'll get in trouble for. Problem is? They never ask when hubby and I are both in the car...just me, and just me when I am barely functional. So, we sort of left the topic of the tooth fairy unresolved.

Fast forward to this evening.
Hubby is in the living room talking to the U-Verse guy (Buh Bye TWC!) and Aiden comes downstairs and says, not very quietly "Mommy, why do you have handcuffs in your room?" I look to see if the guy noticed, but they seem pretty engrossed in their conversation so I try to quietly ask Aiden what he is talking about. He proceeds to tell me that he found handcuffs in our room "you know, in that drawer by your bed". And asks again, not catching the hint that I am using a very quiet tone and trying to move to another room, "Mommy, why are there handcuffs in your room?!"
At this point, I'm pretty sure the technical conversation stopped and the U-Verse guy was politely trying to ignore us. I eventually told Aiden to just go upstairs and play legos.

It turns out, he wasn't in "that drawer", he was in our cedar chest...and he did find handcuffs, actual metal ones that I think we left behind at a halloween party at some point. Or maybe I bought them as a gift for Jared many many childless moons ago. I'm not really sure...not that we have other handcuffs or anything that he could have stumbled upon.

At any rate, I am fairly certain that he was looking for teeth...and now he will probably have a whole other set of questions for me on the drive to school tomorrow. Maybe I should get coffee before instead of after...