Friends

I'm trying really hard to concentrate on my friends that love me, warts and all. I have some friends that I truly love dearly and for some reason, they don't feel the same. I dwell on it, I wonder why, I want to know what happened or what went wrong. Part of me wants to ask what happened but the other part of me says that the people in my life that matter, are the ones that are here. The ones that want to know how I'm doing, what's going on in my life and take the time to check in.

We're all grown ups with our own real problems and our own not so real problems. We all lose track of what's important, we forget to return a text or a phone call, time goes by and we realize that we haven't had a good old fashion laugh until you cry night out with the girls in far too long. The friends that matter, the friends that are worth keeping around are the ones you can call and they'll be sitting next to you, laughing until you cry, as if no time has passed. Those are the people I want in my life. Those are the friends, the family, that matter. The rest? The rest are just filler on my facebook page.

My question is, what happens when someone goes from being the real friend to the filler friend? How do you accept that and move on? I don't like it, but at the same time, I don't think I have a choice in changing it.

Wine, maybe I should stop drinking it. It makes me sappy. I'll stick to margaritas, those make me feisty. ;)

I will not fall in to the Pinterest trap

I pinned all of these really cool ideas for Aiden's birthday party. Cakes, decorations, favors, games. That site is like crack, you just can't get enough. One.More.Pin. but OMGDIDYOUSEETHISINEEDITNOW

The fact is, his birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas and 1 week after New Years. I have a bridal show for work next week, I have decorations to take down and toys to find homes for. I'm in the middle of silent auction hell planning.I have an insane 3 year old that is home with me. I barely have time to throw chicken nuggets and smiley fries in the oven much less try to figure out how to bake and ice a cake in the shape of a football.

So, thank you Giant Eagle for having an overpriced cake with a Steelers magnet that made my 9 year old happy. My sanity is worth the $26 it's going to cost me for 8 boys to eat the icing.

I am going to do a few of the ideas I pinned, spy training exercises and popcorn container favors. I am not going to feel guilty that he's not getting a homemade cake and my house won't look like something out of a magazine. He's not going to remember that shit, he's going to remember his parents letting him invite 7 of his friends over to stay the night for his birthday...and chances are he's going to remember whatever it is they're going to break tomorrow night. They're boys, 8 of them, you know they're going to break something.

OMG do they like me?!

I read this post this morning, while watching a Casper Christmas movie with the boys and drinking coffee.

It hit me. The reason I don't always say what I want to say, why I don't always blog about the things I want to blog about. The reason I bite my tongue when sometimes I shouldn't or why I let things bottle up inside until I'm ready to explode.

I want people to like me. I enjoy being the best friend, the girl people go to for help, for advice or just to talk. At some point in my life I decided that I if I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing people wouldn't like me. I couldn't even begin to pin point when this happened. I have amazing friends and I'm pretty sure even if they disagreed with something I said, shared differing views on things of major importance, they'd still be my friends.

So the question is, why do I hold back? I'm not ever going to be the funny one, the controversial one, the life of the party or the girl that always has it together. I don't fit in to any of those categories. It's not me, it's not my personality. I'm never going to care about international news the way my husband does, I'm never going to be a tv junkie, follow celebrity gossip or have a strong opinion on color schemes and clothes.

At some point I need to get back to being just me and stop trying to be the person I think people will like. In the end it doesn't matter if everyone likes me as long as I like me.

First up on my list of ways to get back to just being me? Facebook friend purge. I have almost 300 Facebook friends. I'm sorry, but I don't think I know 300 people that really give a damn about what is going on in my life.

I'm going to have a NINE year old

Nine people, NINE!

that is one year away from TEN...which means I will have been a mom for a full decade.

That is just crazy. It is. I'm not sure I can wrap my tiny little brain around that. Let's not even talk about what happens in just a few short years. EEK!

I suppose we're not doing too bad of a job, he has manners and people seem to like him. He does okay in school, has friends, picks on his brother and at least once a day makes me want to pick him up and throw him. Of course he also makes me smile, laugh and want to just hug him tight and never let him grow up. It all works out.

I'm in birthday party planning mode. I'm going to have 7 of his friends staying the night at my house on Friday. Send wine. Send coffee. Send vodka.

It's going to be a Steelers party, much to my Browns loving husband's dismay. In true tween fashion, he loves to rebel against everything his parents like and in this case, he's taken it a step farther and has decided to cheer for the enemy. I may or may not encourage this nonsense just for sport and driving my husband crazy. ;)

So far for the party we'll have pizza, football shaped cake (yellow cake with chocolate frosting, of course), assorted popcorn flavors, training exercises, and movies. I need a good football themed kids movie.

Generally with his birthday being two weeks after Christmas he gets the shaft on the party planning, I'm trying not to suck this year by planning all of a week in advance. Go me.