Monday, January 31, 2011

Bad advice gone right

Everyone has an opinion on EVERYTHING, especially once you decide to grow a human being inside your uterus. Some of it is well meaning and good, some of it is not. Like the time it was suggested that we give Aiden up for adoption. I mean, I'm all for adoption but it wasn't an option for us. Young or not, we lived together, we'd been dating for 3 wasn't like we weren't planning on having a family at some point anyway. It just happened a bit earlier then we thought it would. That advice was well meaning, it was just really bad advice for us at the time.

This is my first post for the ADM blog hop. It's the advice you never thought you'd use, but did.

I had to really think hard about this because most of the time I either take whatever nugget of knowledge is passed my way and ignore it or use it. I couldn't think of a time that I ignored it, only to come back later and realize it made perfect sense...until I realized it's something so simple, something I use frequently and have to remind myself to just LISTEN. And it's advice I've given out, that I'm sure is ignored...until it's not.

So what is the gem of great importance?

"You'll just know"

When I was changing boyfriends the way some girls change shoes I kept hearing that I'd just know when he was the right one. Um, that was just plain crazy because clearly the male species SUCKS and I want nothing to do with them. Until that is, my best friend introduced me to the cute guy she worked with. And that was it, I knew. I knew he was different even though I didn't know exactly why. He was only a few years older then us, which on the maturity curve meant he was about a year younger...but he was different. He could carry on a conversation, an intelligent conversation. He was all wrong in a lot of ways, starting with the fact that my best friend had a crush on him...but from the first night, sitting on my bedroom floor while my best friend and his best friend were passed out...I knew.

5 years later when we were planning our wedding I knew I wanted an outdoor ceremony. That, there was no question about. What I wasn't so sure about was the dress. When we got engaged I had 17 months to plan. Of course that meant I needed to start dress shopping. Clearly it would take at least 6 months of trying on dresses, comparing train lengths and deciding between sleeveless, cap sleeves or halter. Of course, again, I started to hear "you'll just know". What? Are you crazy...this is a DRESS. This is THE dress. I'll just know, phu-leez. Except, when I put the dress on, it was THE dress. I convinced myself that couldn't be right, I mean I still have 15 very long months before the wedding. I couldn't have possibly already found the dress. I had the crazy nice lady at the bridal shop write it down on the list of ones I liked and I carried on. 3 days later I got a phone call saying the dress was on sale. I figured I should go try it on again, assuming that I was just crazy and now that I'm out of my "OMG I'M SHOPPING FOR MY WEDDING DRESS" bubble I'd have a bit more focus and could think with a clear head. Except when I put the dress was THE dress. I bought it that day...and I knew it was the dress I wanted to get married in.
And, it's a damn good thing I did because not long after I bought that dress my engagement time went from being 15 months to FOUR. Yep! No, not b/c I was knocked up again...just because we didn't want to wait and my grandparents weren't doing well and well...we just knew. It was time and we didn't need to wait another year.

So sometimes, you really do just's just hard to realize that when you are in the middle of it all.

So...what's been some of the best bad advice you've received? Feel free to link up!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

A Happy House

We had HH's family over yesterday. His aunt, uncle, cousin and 90+ year old grandmother. I love them just as much as my own family. They are the one thing in HH's life that has been a constant and it's probably because of them that he is who he is. They're just good people.

They're also very well off...they like nice things, his aunt is an absolutely AMAZING cook and one guess who she learned from? Yep, grandma. So, even though it's an informal evening of playing games and hanging out there is pressure. Pressure to make sure the house is presentable and that the food is good. We have 2 kids and it was New Years the presentable part was a bit of a challenge. Imagine my delight when she came in and exclaimed that she just loved my house and it was such a "happy house" while looking at the piles of random toys on the entertainment center. Cousin is now 17, and she looked at all of the new toys piled with the much loved toys with a bit of sadness. She missed those piles.

You know what? She's right. It is a happy house. There are toys in pretty much every nook and cranny, crumbs under the couch cushions and marker all over the table. We eat in the living room if we feel like it, we use finger paints on the kitchen floor, the bathtub always has toys in it that just never seem to dry and the boys almost always have marker on their hands. It's a happy house, it's a lived in house. The beds aren't made, the "throw" blankets are rarely folded and you will always find a stray matchbox car or lego stuck under a chair.

I enjoy that my house is comfortable and lived in. It doesn't bother me that not everything matches, I don't mind that you can see the toys...yet I spend so much time trying to "fix" it when company comes over. Why? Why is it that I think I need to turn in to someone I'm not. I'm not super organized, I don't care about matching everything right down to the pillows. It doesn't bother me that the kids managed to draw on the table with a sharpie. I have pictures scotch taped to the fridge and the walls. The boys don't have themes in their rooms, they have toys and books and beds. Do you think they care that the bedding doesn't match the wall? Nope. They don't why should I?! They care that mommy and daddy will go play legos or help them play on the rocking horse.

I live in a house where you don't have to take yours shoes off to come in and have a seat...but if you want to, by all means feel free. And put your feet on my coffee table while you are at it.