16 Years

It's April Fools Day, while most are playing jokes on coworkers or family members and others are just going about their daily lives without a second glance...I am left to my own thoughts and memories.

It's been 16 years today since my Grandma passed away. It was pretty appropriate that it was April Fools Day b/c that is just the kind of woman she was. We laughed at her funeral saying she would send us a sign and it would probably be a random puff of smoke in the air.

I was 11, I was in the 5th grade and even though she battled cancer and we knew it was coming, I can't say it was much easier. I was with her nearly every day of my childhood up until that point. Even when she was sick our whole family would stay at her house to help take care of her. She made me lunch everyday until she got sick and I would walk across the street instead of eating in the lunch room and going out for recess. This would have bothered some kids but for me, I loved it. She made me waffles or grilled cheese or egg salad...served with milk shakes and rootbeer floats or small bowls of pudding. I watched game shows, we talked, we played cards, she taught me to play solitaire, showed me how to make candy and let me help bake cookies.

She was possibly the most wonderful woman I've met in my life. She was strong and had this amazing way of giving you unconditional love. She was the one that we all listened to, she was the one we all went to...she was always there.
Even years later I have very real, very vivid memories of her and I am grateful for the fact that I had her in my life for those 11 years...but on days like today, I miss her dearly. I wish she would have been here when her great grandsons were/are born, I wish she could have kissed my cheek on my wedding day...I wish my boys and my husband could have met her and loved her the way I did...the way everyone did and still does.
She was the glue that held our family together...she's the kind of woman I can only hope to be...I can only hope to be 1/10th of the mother and grandmother that she was.

However, she wouldn't want me to be sad...she wouldn't want to see the tears in my eyes. She would want me to be enjoying every minute of every day. I'm sure she's watching me from somewhere, a cigarette in one hand, looking for her teeth or her glasses, which she always managed to lose, telling me to stop being silly and get out there and live life.

RIP Grandma Jane, I miss you and love you.