It's not about him

My darling, fabulous, handsome husband is being incredibly supportive of me while I get a grip on my issues and figure out this whole new and improved me. He's been telling me for years to just tell him what I'm thinking, when I'm thinking it, rather then stewing over it for days/weeks.
Unfortunately for him, this means dealing with my random melt downs/drama queen behavior at times. Like yesterday. Oh, yesterday.

It started with me getting in line at Starbucks only to realize my wallet was on my desk, which is obviously not in my car, and thus I had no money. Lucky for me I realized this before I ordered and was able to get out of line and head home....without be beloved white mocha. *sigh*

I had a bunch of work issues come up that put me way behind on getting out the door to run my child-free errands. Once I finally did get out the door, with my wallet this time, I ran around and managed to accomplish most of what was on my to-do list, which included a stop to look at lingerie.

Time for the rant:
Why don't they make cute/sexy lingerie for REAL women that you can actually buy in the store?! First store had nothing and the second had a whole line of cute matching sets and they were even on sale. Except those cute little thongs, even in the largest size they came in, would still get lost under the spare tire around my middle. And the bras? Really? Ugh. I noticed that they were labeled "juniors" which I found a bit disturbing, a sure sign I'm getting old. All I know is that when I was in HS and shopping in the juniors department, I sure as hell was not wearing stuff like THAT! I can't imagine explaining those to my mother!
Anyway, after leaving that section (and I totally kept typing sex instead of sec right there.) I wandered the entire area and couldn't find anything remotely sexy made to fit someone with, oh I don't know, curves!
I didn't bother with Victoria's secret because I rarely have luck there and am way too cheap anyway. Ambiance has some pretty dirty stuff but I wasn't really going for the naughty nurse or sexy cop look. I just wanted simple & sexy. I've found stuff online but I prefer to buy in store so I can see the quality. I don't care that it only gets worn for 30 seconds before it's in a pile on the floor, if I'm spending the money to buy it I don't want it to feel like sandpaper!

Here's the thing though, I'm not buying this stuff because I think HH wants me to wear it, I wanted to buy it because it makes ME feel sexy. I'm sick of wearing the mom PJ's every night. After I left the store empty handed I sent HH a text and told him what happened and that I was going to start weight watchers again, and maybe when I'm 20lbs lighter I will try again. This turned in to a whole back and forth me being a drama queen text-fest. He said if I lost weight then he'd start working out and tone up so he'd be "ripped". He thought it would be motivation, except I really don't care about muscled or him being ripped. I've never been a body girl, I'm definitely a personality/eyes/smile girl, always have been. I don't want to get skinny for him, I want to do it for me...and I don't want to wear cute lingerie for him, I want to wear it for ME. Of course all of these things also make him happy...and I like making him happy. I like doing things for him that make him happy, but right now...it's about me.