Stop fighting who you are

In this land of pinterest and facebook I feel like everyone is driven to be "that" mom or wife or daughter. The one that remembers every holiday or special event and has a card ready to go, the one that has adorable little treats all made up for every kid in the class, the one that has a perfectly organized home office, regular office, kitchen and playroom.

I'm so NOT that girl.

I'm the one that didn't even get Christmas cards in the mail this year, still has gifts for friends that aren't.even.wrapped! I have cards that rarely make it in to the mail. My desk has shit all over it, all.the.time. It just does. Papers, pictures, toys, the kids school stuff, coupons. It's all here. It's chaos.

It's MY chaos.

Here's where I stop trying to fight who I am. Stop trying to fit in to some little box that Pinterest and Facebook say I should fit in to. First of all, I'd like to see you try to find a box for my ass, it's not happening. Second and more importantly, why should I beat myself up over the fact that my desk is a mess, my playroom looks *gasp* like it's been played in or that the boys bathroom always *ALWAYS* has toys in the bathtub. Here's the thing about me, I'm very VERY much out of sight, out of mind. If I neatly file a bill away in my "to pay later" file, I don't get it out until it's way past due. (are you shaking your head yes yet? I'll bet you are!) If my kids bring home a paper that needs signed I must sign it right then and there or else I will totally forget. As soon as I clean off my desk and make it all organized and pretty and "presentable" I can't find something I need and I have to dig through all that organized nonsense to find it.
I recently cleaned out my disaster area of a pantry, when we first moved in I had it all organized and everything had a home. It was fabulous. Until it wasn't.

Yikes!

So I emptied it out and started over. I found all kinds of random crap I bought for recipes and then promptly forgot all about. The key? I must be able to see everything, at all times. So while there appears to be a lot of wasted space, it works b/c it's organized AND I can see where everything is. I kind of love it. Probably more then I should.

It's organized chaos which is exactly what I need to function on a day to day basis. Cute little storage boxes and places to hide things away b/c ohmahgawd people might SEE, it doesn't work for me. I will forget what is in those cute little boxes and then really? What's the point.

And for the record, I have nothing against those that are supremely organized and everything has it's place tucked away inside some perfectly matched little storage cube. I'm just not going to fight myself to be that person.

Get Dressed!

As most of you know I'm a WAHM...which really, is such a stupid term. All moms work at home even if it's not where they collect their paycheck. Anyway, point being is that I run two businesses. I'm a Premier Designs jewelry lady and part owner of the amazing and fabulous Love Knots Photography.

Now before you get all ohhh ahhh over the fact that I can set my hours, work when I want to and when I don't want to, sleep until 12pm and work until 3am...let's be realistic. I have 2 kids, 2 cats and a husband. I fit work in between laundry, dishes, carting kids from one friends house or activity to another and playing peace keeper. Is this still a pretty sweet deal? Of course it is but it's HARD. It's hard to keep the distractions to a minimum when I have things to do. It's hard to force myself to work on marketing research, catalog labels and customer calls rather then sitting around with a cup of coffee and chatting with my friends abut couponing (which is pretty awesome, btw) and Game of Thrones (also awesome).

So for those of you that might read this and are thinking I'm crazy and I should just shut my fat face for complaining about the fact that I don't have to report to a shitty office 8 hours a day. I get it, I do. I'm super lucky in that I have the opportunities I do and that my husband 100% supports me even though it's putting a serious crimp in his beer brewing hobby (hello budget 2013!). HOWEVER, there are plenty of times that I wish I had the structure of working hours.

Which brings me to the point of this (so far) pointless post! Yep, I do have a point, I swear. Here are a few things that work for me but I've been seriously slacking on in the working at home arena:

1. Set work hours. Don't make them ridiculous, be realistic. On Tuesday and Thursdays I have no kids from 9am-3pm (so really 9:30-2:30 with drop off/pick up). Am I going to sit down and work for those 6 hours? Um, probably not. I'm realistic and I know I'm going to catch up with friends, have coffee, play on Facebook and maybe throw a load of laundry in. Instead my goal is to make a list of what needs accomplished in those hours and DO IT (no, blogging was not on the list for today, but whatever)

2. Get dressed. It's hard to feel like a professional while sitting at your desk or on your couch in PJ's. Don't do that. In my case I need to shower, get dressed, put some make up on and put my jewelry on. How we feel about ourselves reflects in how we talk to people. I hate the phone, I hate calling people more then anything else and it's 100x worse if I'm in lazy mode. This also means I appreciate those lazy days when I don't have to be dressed even more.

3. Put the phone away. If you are constantly attached to your phone (GUILTY!!!) I've found that you're more likely to put things off. How many times have you read an email when you're in the middle of something else and then you forget to reply? Come on, you know you have. I do it all.the.time. It's not at all intentional, I'm better off if I wait for my work hours to sit down and read my work emails and then reply to them all at once.

4. We're not that busy. Everyone has their own definition of "busy" and we all get so caught up in what we have going on but the fact is...we're not that busy. Stop playing the busy card, stop acting like nobody else can possibly understand what is going on with your life b/c it's SOOOO busy. It's life. Make the time for work, make the time for FUN, make the time to visit with friends, sip a cup of coffee or set up that playdate your kid has been begging for.

Like I said, these are ALL things I need to work on but I figure if I need to work on them someone else out there may need to as well.

Now I shall return to my regularly scheduled work hours!

It's not about a number

It's a new year which means RESOLUTIONS!

No, not really. Not for this girl.

That being said the husband and I are trying to curb our weight gain. It's getting out of control and the fact is we are the only ones that have control over it. I like food so I'm not dieting, I'm not giving up my coffee or my chocolate. I'm not going to start some kind of crazy diet like I thought I was going to. I'm just going to try to get my shit together, stop shoving my face with crap whenever it's near me and get active.

I spent this morning writing goals on post it notes and putting them around my monitor to remind myself why I need to work hard and to not let the little things get me down. If I eat chocolate that doesn't mean I should follow it up with ice cream for dinner and a cheeseburger for dessert. It means I ate chocolate and damn was it good. If I mess up a customer order it doesn't mean I suck as a jewelry lady and should throw in the towel. It means I apologize and I work harder next time to make things right. I am my own worst enemy and it needs to stop at some point.

I was going through old pictures, trying to find one that would be a good goal. One where I remember feeling awesome about myself. One where I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I looked hot. One where I wasn't scrutinizing the picture for every out of place roll.

I couldn't find one. Not ONE!

I went back to before Ian was born, I didn't gain a ton with Aiden and I was back in my size 6-8 dress pants by the time I went back to work 6 weeks after he was born. I was the girl everyone hates. I was also 22. I'm not 22 now, I'm 32 and I'm pushing a size 16. I'm heavier then I have ever been in my entire life INCLUDING pregnancy. That's a scary and sobering thought for me....BUT I'm realizing that it's not about what size pants I fit in to. Even looking back at those pictures when I was rolling around on a beach and drinking margaritas on a girls trip...I still distinctly remember hating how I looked in a swim suit, hating that my clothes felt just a little too tight. Today? Today I would LOVE to fit in to that same swim suit. It's not about what size is on the back of my pants, it's about my mental state of mind. It's about how I FEEL when I look in the mirror. At some point I have to start loving the woman I've become, embracing the rolls my children (and my addiction to chocolate and peanut butter anything...and wine...and margaritas) have given me and do my best to just be healthy, be happy and rock my curves.