It's getting to be that time of year

You know, the time that everyone says "This year will be different!"

Ya know what...this year won't be different. My kids will still drive me crazy, I'll still snap too fast, I'll still do something that I'm sure they'll talk about in therapy later and I'll continue to move forward. We'll have some really awesome days and we'll have some days that suck. Hopefully we'll pay off some bills, put some money in the bank and work on getting in to a better house.

If I have to set a goal for 2012, it's to make it the year I don't have to apologize.

I'm a people pleaser by nature, I like to make people happy and sometimes in doing so, I apologize even when I really don't have anything to be sorry about. It's a guilt issue...I have serious guilt issues. I'd like to let those go, not just for this year but for good.

I'm not sorry I had to throw away the toy you bought my kids, they're kids and the toy was broken...it was played with and now it's time for it to go. I'm not sorry that I don't feel like meeting you tonight because I'd rather sit on my ass and watch Netflix. Sometimes, I'd just rather sit on my ass and watch Netflix. I'm not sorry that I'm not available every.single.time you need me to be. I'm not sorry that my kids, my husband and my marriage come first. I'm not sorry that my parenting isn't the same as yours. I'm not sorry that my house is a mess, I have Netflix to watch and games of candyland to play. I'm not sorry that you are an idiot and I can't be bothered to deal with you anymore. I'm just not.
On the flip side, I'd like to improve so that I don't *have* to say I'm sorry. This mostly applies to work.

So while no, I'm not making resolutions for the year here is my list of things I will not be doing this year (in no particular order)

*picking up running. I don't run...unless someone is trying to snag the last bottle of Mascato at the grocery store. Then, maybe.
*taking a picture every day
*blogging on a regular basis
*keeping my house company ready every day
*

A product review? Me? REALLY?

So the folks over at Pictures on Canvas contacted me about doing a product review. I'm sure you are wondering why on earth they would choose a blog such as mine, that gets updated once in a blue moon. Trust me, I wondered too. My friend Andrea posted a blog hop awhile back about siblings. It's actually one of my personal favorite posts here on the ol' blog. It apparently caught the attention of this company and they asked if I'd review their product.

Well, of course I will. Am easy.

After taking forever to order, totally my own slacker-ness, I chose an image that I just love. It reminds me that this is my life and that THIS is what it's all about. It's not about matching clothes and smiling for the camera. You don't need to have a perfect setting and lighting that is just right to have an image that makes you smile.
Oh wait, you guys probably recognize it from up at the top. Yep.

Now, you'll have to excuse the crappy picture. My camera is dead and the charger is MIA. This is as good as it gets right now. The canvas (that was FREE!) is an 8x10. I probably should have upgraded to the 11x14 but regardless, I love it. Good quality and it came ready to hang on the wall (with super fast shipping to boot)

BTW, we've been busy around here. I promise there are updates to come and pictures to show off.

In case you were wondering

I don't have baby fever.

At. All.

Ian is 3 now, he's fun and crazy and adorable and I am actually loving the stage we're in right now. I hate the fighting with his brother, the constant screaming over toys makes me want to walk out and just hide on a daily basis but 90% of the time...we're good. Am I bummed he's getting SO big, SO fast? Of course....but I have zero desire to have another baby in the house. I like cuddling other newborns for short periods of time, but then I'm good. I like handing them back and going back to my 2 kids that can talk to me, climb in their own seats, choose their bedtime books, play in the bath tub and run around the park without mommy being on their heels every second.

Why am I telling you this? Well, it's simple, for whatever reason there are people that just can't seem to figure this out. My mother, for one.

Also...while we're at it, we did not decide to stop at 2 because Ian is insane. Yes, he is going to be my wild child but we were 98% sure we were done while I was pregnant. I was the hold out on that 2% and it was just the hormones. Hubby had the ol' snip snip...we are not having another baby. So please PLEASE stop asking. Stop making comments about trying for a girl and on the flip side don't act like my 3 year old is such a terror that we couldn't possibly want to do it again. Both scenarios are wrong. We decided to stop at 2 because our family is complete. I know my limits, I know what I can handle and this is it. HH feels the same...

That's my rant for today. Pictures and updates on my crazy kids soon. We're having a whole lot of fun in the sun this summer!!

Super quick and pointless update.

First:
I big puffy heart Old Navy...and THIS is just one more reason why you should too!


Second:
My life is stupid crazy busy right now. As in my to-do list is pages long and every time I cross something off I have 14 things to add. I'm kind of stressed, kind of excited, kind of just...yea...crazy. Good thing I generally enjoy crazy!

Third (and really, most important)
Check out Andrea's Blog HERE
Read about this amazing fundraiser for an even more amazing family. Do you know Jen? I'll be you do...Jen kind of rocks.

Okay...yep, that's it from me for now.

Marching for Babies

When I had Aiden I was pretty oblivious to anything pregnancy related. I didn't know a damn thing about infertility, I didn't know anything about pre-mature births, NICU or really...anything. I mean I figured out how to deal with MY baby...but babies in general? I was clueless. It's not true what they say, just because you spend your tween & teenage years babysitting does not mean you'll just know how to be a mom. Babysitting of any kind does NOT make you a mother...or give you any kind of clue as to what it's like to have and raise a child of your own. The people that say that...they're full of crap.

As Aiden got older I figured stuff out, he's an 8 year old who is pretty well mannered and generally well behaved. We haven't totally screwed him up, which is good. It wasn't until I was trying to get pregnant with Ian that I really had any idea of what people go through to have a baby. Or what parents go through when they lose a baby. Losing a baby is what prompted me to start this blog, but even then I don't think I totally "got it".

As I was planning my wedding and walking down the aisle my cousin was suffering through the loss of her son. At the time I was in my own little bubble and I only heard bits and pieces of what happened through the family grape vine. I wish I could go back and change that, to be there for her, but I can't. She went on to have my little cousin, and then after that went on to lose triplets...and then to have my other little cousin who actually made it PAST his due date.

This is the second year that we've marched in honor/celebration and memory of those babies. I look at her, her husband and her boys and I'm in awe. I'm in awe of her strength and her courage and her love for her children.

I have a friend with a little girl fighting daily in the NICU, constantly fighting an uphill battle that most grown adults wouldn't be able to handle. She's amazing, as are her parents and her big sister. This and all of the other babies born too early that spend too long in the NICU or never get to go home with their parents are the reasons we march.

March for Babies 2011

A post once a month?

So yea, I haven't posted in a month...shocking, right?? I figured it was time to give you a recap of the lovely dinner we had this evening.

We had my parents over for their anniversary. On the menu? Stuffed clams, blackened scallops on a bed of smoked gouda risotto, a salad of mixed greens, green beans and cookies with vanilla ice cream for dessert. We're fancy around here...just ignore the fact that we use paper towels instead of napkins and our dinner table has a lot of toddler art work on it.

So we're all sitting down to eat and by eat I mean the adults are eating, Aiden is pushing his risotto around and Ian is climbing under the table and biting his brother's leg. Yep, just your average dinner around here. We're laughing because my parents were originally going out to dinner and invited us but I knew better then to take the demon spawn
Ian out in public so late in the evening.

At some point Aiden mentions being hit in the balls.
HH: Aiden, really?
A: What?
HH: Balls? How about nuts?
M: Guys! We're at the dinner table!
A: What mommy? You don't even have balls.
**at this point my dad is trying really hard to hide the smirk on his face**
A: Fine, privates. Is that better?
M: Will you please just eat your dinner?

A little while later Aiden is telling some story, the child does.not.stop.talking these days and I'm not going to lie, I only listen to about 45% of it. Have you seen the Louis CK skit about ignoring what his daughter says b/c nothing she says matters? I think of that every time I zone out and just nod and smile while he talks. It's not that I don't enjoy his stories, I do, but sometimes he just goes on and on and on....and really, I have a lot of stuff on my mind. Like vacation and dieting and how long until bedtime. See? Busy girl.

Anyway, totally off topic. As he's telling his story he says something is stupid and then follows it up with a rather large burp. HH chimes in to help.
HH: Aiden!!
A: What? I said excuse me.
HH: You said stupid and then burped.
A: I can't help it.
HH: You need to watch your mouth.
A: But stupid isn't a bad word.
M: (chiming in b/c HH seems to be missing a major point)
You know you don't talk like that and please do not burp at the dinner table, it's rude.
A: Well just because girls don't burp mommy **hysterical laughter**
M: Aiden...
HH: Yea, they don't fart either
A: hahahah, I know. Only boys do
M: Really guys???
A: OUCH, MOMMY IAN BIT MY LEG AGAIN!

**I'm surprised my parents didn't decide to take their food to go at this point, but they survived dinner. They even survived HH's song and dance about the fact that he's getting the big V next week. And Aiden made a comment that mommy isn't having any more babies because she's scared. Oh, if he only knew...**

When did that happen??

Growing up I watched my mom get ready every day. She did her hair, she applied her make up and she never left the house without lipstick. It's who she was. I grew up always wanting makeup and playing dress up. It's who I was.

As a teenager I had more makeup then most adults I knew. I had painted nails and full make up on all the time. I didn't leave the house without, which at times drove my best friend nuts. The thing was, I didn't do it to impress the boys or get attention, I did it because it was the only way I felt like "me". I felt uncomfortable in my own skin if I didn't have it on...and yes as an adult I realize that is pretty ridiculous but hey, I was a kid. And if I'm being perfectly honest even as an adult I feel better when I'm made up and looking pretty.

That being said, I've been slacking. I have no problem leaving the house with a messy pony tail and no make up on. (well except lip gloss. I always have lip gloss). So much so that when I showed up at the school's silent auction last night one of the committee members went "whoa, look at you".

Um, yes, this is what I look like with hair and make up on...wearing something other then a t-shirt/sweatshirt. Clearly, it doesn't happen often. It's a downward spiral and I'm 1 set of dentures away from turning in to my mother who has been known to walk around in PJ pants, a cicra 1998 mickey mouse tshirt, crocs and no teeth.

My goal is to actually do my hair and make up 4x a week. Something other then a pony and lip gloss.

Blog Hop - Sibling Style

I've been incredibly remiss in posting my weekly ADM blog hop posts, obviously, since my last post was Jan 31. I could give you all the crazy reason as to WHY I haven't posted...but I'll spare you because in reality, my life isn't so super busy and glamorous that I don't have time for blogging...I just tend to spend my free time doing things like playing of Facebook, watching Weeds or drinking wine. Or, on a really rockin' night, all three.

So, here we go with this weeks topic (Thank You Andrea):
Sibling relationships.
Yours, theirs, your life without siblings, your children's lives with siblings.
However you want to interpret it.

Let's start with me....after all, it is all about me. At least, that is what my brother always told me. I'm 4 years younger and I'm pretty sure I've blogged about my brother before. We are polar opposites. I'm the quiet, reserved rule follower. He...he is not. We'll just leave it at that.
We never got along, my parents used to leave us home together and I remember him beating me up during commercials while watching the Simpson's or whatever other show we stayed up "late" to watch. I don't know why I didn't just leave the room, but I didn't. I never really looked up to my brother the way my friends did theirs. I didn't want to be like him, if anything watching him made me want to run in the opposite direction.

We're adults, mostly, and while we don't see eye to eye on things we're still family. We've got each others back when it's important and he loves my kids. In the end, even if we're not close, that's good enough for me.

My boys though. Oh, my boys. Right now they go from screaming at each other to being best friends. I can honestly say though, Aiden loves his little brother...he didn't want to throw him out the window on day one like another big brother I know. He's also never intentionally given him small toys to possibly choke on. Not that I know *anyone* that would do a thing like that.

We debated for a long time on having another child. We had Aiden pretty early in life and timing wise it just never seemed like it was going to work out to have another. Of course now, I can't imagine not having Ian around. I hope they grow up to be good friends, I hope they spend weekends with each other when they're older and have kids that play together. Of course, if that doesn't happen, I hope at the end of the day they have each others backs, regardless of the differences they may have.

Bad advice gone right

Everyone has an opinion on EVERYTHING, especially once you decide to grow a human being inside your uterus. Some of it is well meaning and good, some of it is not. Like the time it was suggested that we give Aiden up for adoption. I mean, I'm all for adoption but it wasn't an option for us. Young or not, we lived together, we'd been dating for 3 years...it wasn't like we weren't planning on having a family at some point anyway. It just happened a bit earlier then we thought it would. That advice was well meaning, it was just really bad advice for us at the time.

This is my first post for the ADM blog hop. It's the advice you never thought you'd use, but did.

I had to really think hard about this because most of the time I either take whatever nugget of knowledge is passed my way and ignore it or use it. I couldn't think of a time that I ignored it, only to come back later and realize it made perfect sense...until I realized it's something so simple, something I use frequently and have to remind myself to just LISTEN. And it's advice I've given out, that I'm sure is ignored...until it's not.

So what is the gem of great importance?

"You'll just know"

When I was changing boyfriends the way some girls change shoes I kept hearing that I'd just know when he was the right one. Um, that was just plain crazy because clearly the male species SUCKS and I want nothing to do with them. Until that is, my best friend introduced me to the cute guy she worked with. And that was it, I knew. I knew he was different even though I didn't know exactly why. He was only a few years older then us, which on the maturity curve meant he was about a year younger...but he was different. He could carry on a conversation, an intelligent conversation. He was all wrong in a lot of ways, starting with the fact that my best friend had a crush on him...but from the first night, sitting on my bedroom floor while my best friend and his best friend were passed out...I knew.

5 years later when we were planning our wedding I knew I wanted an outdoor ceremony. That, there was no question about. What I wasn't so sure about was the dress. When we got engaged I had 17 months to plan. Of course that meant I needed to start dress shopping. Clearly it would take at least 6 months of trying on dresses, comparing train lengths and deciding between sleeveless, cap sleeves or halter. Of course, again, I started to hear "you'll just know". What? Are you crazy...this is a DRESS. This is THE dress. I'll just know, phu-leez. Except, when I put the dress on, it was THE dress. I convinced myself that couldn't be right, I mean I still have 15 very long months before the wedding. I couldn't have possibly already found the dress. I had the crazy nice lady at the bridal shop write it down on the list of ones I liked and I carried on. 3 days later I got a phone call saying the dress was on sale. I figured I should go try it on again, assuming that I was just crazy and now that I'm out of my "OMG I'M SHOPPING FOR MY WEDDING DRESS" bubble I'd have a bit more focus and could think with a clear head. Except when I put the dress on...it was THE dress. I bought it that day...and I knew it was the dress I wanted to get married in.
And, it's a damn good thing I did because not long after I bought that dress my engagement time went from being 15 months to FOUR. Yep! No, not b/c I was knocked up again...just because we didn't want to wait and my grandparents weren't doing well and well...we just knew. It was time and we didn't need to wait another year.

So sometimes, you really do just know...it's just hard to realize that when you are in the middle of it all.

So...what's been some of the best bad advice you've received? Feel free to link up!

A Happy House

We had HH's family over yesterday. His aunt, uncle, cousin and 90+ year old grandmother. I love them just as much as my own family. They are the one thing in HH's life that has been a constant and it's probably because of them that he is who he is. They're just good people.

They're also very well off...they like nice things, his aunt is an absolutely AMAZING cook and one guess who she learned from? Yep, grandma. So, even though it's an informal evening of playing games and hanging out there is pressure. Pressure to make sure the house is presentable and that the food is good. We have 2 kids and it was New Years Day...so the presentable part was a bit of a challenge. Imagine my delight when she came in and exclaimed that she just loved my house and it was such a "happy house" while looking at the piles of random toys on the entertainment center. Cousin is now 17, and she looked at all of the new toys piled with the much loved toys with a bit of sadness. She missed those piles.

You know what? She's right. It is a happy house. There are toys in pretty much every nook and cranny, crumbs under the couch cushions and marker all over the table. We eat in the living room if we feel like it, we use finger paints on the kitchen floor, the bathtub always has toys in it that just never seem to dry and the boys almost always have marker on their hands. It's a happy house, it's a lived in house. The beds aren't made, the "throw" blankets are rarely folded and you will always find a stray matchbox car or lego stuck under a chair.

I enjoy that my house is comfortable and lived in. It doesn't bother me that not everything matches, I don't mind that you can see the toys...yet I spend so much time trying to "fix" it when company comes over. Why? Why is it that I think I need to turn in to someone I'm not. I'm not super organized, I don't care about matching everything right down to the pillows. It doesn't bother me that the kids managed to draw on the table with a sharpie. I have pictures scotch taped to the fridge and the walls. The boys don't have themes in their rooms, they have toys and books and beds. Do you think they care that the bedding doesn't match the wall? Nope. They don't care...so why should I?! They care that mommy and daddy will go play legos or help them play on the rocking horse.

I live in a house where you don't have to take yours shoes off to come in and have a seat...but if you want to, by all means feel free. And put your feet on my coffee table while you are at it.