Political Stance

No, not mine. This is straight from the 9 year old that knows it all.

Husband was showing the boys pictures of Mars, explaining to them how they managed to get said pictures and how cool it was. There were a lot of ohhs and ahhs even though I'm sure they didn't totally understand what he was talking about.

A: So it's a robot?!

H: Yea, just like you're building in Lego League

A: REALLY?!

H: Yea, it's the same basic concept.

A: We can't send OUR robot to MARS!!

H: Well, no.

A: Where are the aliens?

H: They haven't found aliens

A: I wish they would, that would be so cool

H: Me too

I: ALIENS!!!!!

A: Then we could send Mitt Romney

H: What? What does Romney have to do with aliens?

A: Then we could send him to mars so the aliens could eat him.

H: ::turning to me:: Are you hearing this?

I just pulled the covers back over my head and giggled. Ah, kids. Never a dull moment

Work From Home Mom

I'm pretty sure anyone reading this already knows that I work from home. I've been working from home since December of 2008. First for another company and now for my own company(ies). In so many ways it.is.awesome. I mean, who doesn't want to work with a glass of wine or be able to decide when everything gets done. I'm the only person I have to answer to. (Well, and my kick ass business partner...and my clients.)

The problem? I have myself to answer to. I'm really really hard on myself and it puts me in to this funk I struggle to get out of. Recently it's been over money the lack of it and it's made things worse. To the point that I just wasn't getting anything done because I had a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where things would all work out. They always work out, I know this, but for the last several weeks I couldn't SEE it.

Another big issues is that you can't leave your feelings, your mood, your bad day or whatever it is that's bothering you at the door and just work. The laundry is still there, the dishes need done, games of candy land need played and it's all pulling me in 1400 different directions. Days like that I wish I could get in my car at 8am and drive to an office and leave everything else behind and actually be forced to do ONLY work. I know, if you're sitting in an office reading this you're thinking I'm fucking crazy...but I'm not, I swear. I'm not saying I want to work a job with regular hours any time soon...I don't. I have zero desire to punch a time clock. I just sometimes miss the structure and as crazy as it sounds, the fear of letting someone else down. Okay, maybe I lied, maybe I am crazy.

I woke up today after a LOT of soul searching, thinking, talking and I'm feeling better. I've learned some things recently that I don't love but weighed against what I do love...and knowing where my heart is, I'm good. I'm confident in where I am...and now I just need to find a way to leave everything else at the door so I can enjoy the rewards of working from home. It's kind of an evil cycle.

Men are not children

Now stop rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself "who are you kidding, of course they are"

Please, please PLEASE stop acting as if men are infants and need us women to swoop in and save them from themselves. Just STOP.

I have two children that I'm responsible for. I make sure they eat their vegetables, have clean clothes, get enough sleep and are taken care of. I also have a husband. I cook meals, I wash clothes, I clean the house and I ask if he's okay or if he needs anything. I'm generally pretty considerate and thoughtful, it's in my nature. However, I do not baby him. I am NOT his mother, I am his wife. It's not up to me to determine if he's getting enough sleep, if he needs to change out of his work clothes before going to throw a football with the boys, if he's going to be late for work or if he needs a specific shirt clean for the next day.

Guess what? He's a grown up, just like me. I'm perfectly capable of getting up on my own, making sure my own clothes are clean and deciding what I'm going to eat for lunch. I don't need someone to remind me of these things. I can't handle when women act as if their husbands are helpless and can't do things for themselves. It drives me bat shit crazy and we all know I don't need any help in the crazy department. I've always been this way, I remember getting SO mad at my mom because everything seemed to revolve around my dad. Now, don't get me wrong, my parents have a marriage that works for them and I won't judge. Or, I'll try not to anyway, it's just not for ME and I have a hard time understanding why anyone that's been married in the last decade feels like they must baby the poor confused man in their life. He's not confused, he's just going to let you do everything for him because hey, why the hell not?!

So help me if my boys ever get to a point where they forget how to do dishes, wash clothes or pick up after themselves. You'd better believe I will march my ass over to their house and I will not be there to clean up after them. I'll be there to take their wives out for drinks while they figure out how to fend of themselves.

Ladies, please, stop acting as if these men need you to fix everything for them and make all of the decisions for them. They don't. You can be a good wife and a good mother but you need to find that middle ground in between the two.

Who am I?

You learn a lot of random things about yourself when people around you are asked to talk about you.

I've had a few home parties, both for my own Premier Designs business as well as other direct sales friends. I recently hosted a Thirty One Gifts party with the fabulous Charity Plaster and as with my Premier parties she asks everyone in the room to say their name, how they know the hostess (me!) and something they like about her (me!).

Here's a few things I've learned about myself since over the last few parties.

1. I don't mind being the center of attention. This is kind of a big one because at my baby shower and even my wedding shower, I hated it! I hated sitting there and opening gifts in front of everyone and being forced to make small talk with people. While I was grateful to my friends and family that put it together, I was SO happy when it was over. At one point my best friend laughed and made a comment about how I was hating this part of the party...but I wasn't. I really wasn't. I was laughing and enjoying myself...and I didn't turn 4 shades up pink. That's a pretty big deal in my world.

2. I have a unique laugh. I've had two people at two different parties say that I have the best laugh. I do? Really? I had NO idea. That's not something anyone has ever told me before. Ever. Crazy.

3. I am super lucky to have close friends that have known me forever and know the real me, warts and all. I've said that before but I guess sometimes I take for granted the fact that not everyone can say they've known their best friends since middle school. This is also why I think keeping my kids in the same school for as much of their school career as possible is so important to me. While I know it's rare, I'd love if they grew up and raised their families surrounded by the same people they knew in school. My parents did, so maybe it's in my genes.

4. Change is good and I'm not as scared of it as I used to be.

5. I like meeting new people! I like talking to people! I *gasp* like people. Mostly. There are still some that I'd prefer to not talk to and others that could fall off the planet and I'd be okay with that...but for the most part. People are fun.

Anyone out there?!

Helloooooo

Hi

How are ya?

I'm just checking, making sure you're there. I see that people click and hopefully read so I'm guessing somewhere in the internets you're maybe interested in what I have to say. Maybe? Just a little?

Where is the comment love? Come on. Comment, leave me a link to your blog so I can go read.
Leave me a link to your favorites. I need to update my blog roll.

Let's do this!

Going Public

My blog has always just been a place for me to put my random musings, usually about my kids, sometimes about my life. It could probably use a good dose of Zoloft with all of the ups and downs. What can I say? I'm moody.

Every once in awhile I toy with the idea of taking it public and actually linking it to my FB or twitter accounts. Only my "internet friends" would read it for awhile but as those friends become real friends and real friends drift apart...I don't know, it seems silly that I'm hiding it. There's really nothing on here that is offensive and I make no apologies for my thoughts. They're MY thoughts and anyone that knows me, knows that while I might be mad or sad about something, I'll snap out of it. I'll get over and move on b/c I don't have time or space in my life to focus on the negative. Okay, so there are a few posts that my family probably doesn't need to read. Like you know, that one about wrestling. Yea, I don't think anyone in my family needs to read that, maybe I could post a warning label: Sometimes I discuss inappropriate things on my blog, proceed with caution. I'm not sure my dad would ever look at my favorite red shoes the same again if he read this one.

Hmmm, on second thought. Maybe I'll just keep this between me and the anonymous internet world. You know...since the interwebs are private and all.

My Fourth Grader

Somtimes I feel like the 4 year old gets all the blog love. Probably because he's around me all.the.time and I just have more to say about him. That...and he's totally ridiculous.

Not to be left out is the FOURTH GRADER. People, let me just tell you, fourth grade sucks. It just does, as I mentioned before in my rant on homework. We'll survive. Thank goodness there is a liquor store nearby. I kid, I kid.

Fourth grade plus a new neighborhood and new friends? Well, that part is pretty awesome. I've talked about where we lived before, it was pretty ghetto fabulous. It wasn't HORRIBLE, I went for walks, took the kids to the park and felt fairly safe. It was just run down and dirty and depressed...and not getting any better. I couldn't wait to move even though I was a little stressed about all the changes that would mean for everyone.

I can't even begin to explain how awesome it is when your kid comes home from school and the firs thing he wants to do is run outside and play..and ride bikes...and just be a KID. It's awesome. It's something we just didn't have before and something I always wanted for my kids. In general, I think this is one of those things that we just take for granted. As a kid I was always outside running around and playing so the fact that my kids really couldn't do that ate at me.

Tonight he came home in time to eat dinner and do chores. It was 6:15 and he asked if he could go back out and come home by 7:30. I let him go even though he still has things to do. Our hours of daylight are dwindling and I can't help it...it makes me happy to see him so happy. He gave me a hug and ran out the door.

I love that kid.

Fourth Grade Homework

Anyone that has a child old enough to have homework knows that it's not just for the kids, it's for the parents as well. And it sucks for everyone! Aiden spent his early elementary days in a Montessori school. It was a great school that I truly do miss and a major perk (or so I thought...) was no homework. Well, very little homework, he did have spelling that we worked on each night.

The downside to no homework? We didn't really fully grasp what he was struggling in. He always made it seem that he was doing fine and while his teacher would say he needs to work on his math facts it was never made out to be something he was falling behind in, just something he could practice. So when we'd think about it or had time we'd run through some extra math games, we put a game on his DS to practice addition, etc. We went through 1st-3rd grade thinking that he was doing okay.

Now, here we are in a traditional public school with homework each night in math and spelling and he's behind. I feel like this is my fault and when I'm upset with myself I tend to take it out on other people. I try not to show him how frustrated I am because he's frustrated too...but o.m.g. I have a whole new appreciation for why my dad threw his hands up while trying to help me with geometry when I just didn't get it. It's painful to watch!! Every night it's a battle and I am just hoping that sometime soon that light will go on and all those little tricks that we learn while memorizing addition, subtraction, multiplication and division will just click.

Until then, send advil and wine. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Looking for the money tree

thank you google images!

As I mentioned before, we moved. The house we moved in to is considerably smaller and was built after 1930 so bonus. Although, I adore old houses. I'm so NOT a new construction person...but that's not my point. My point is that in the end this move was supposed to save us money...and I'm sure it will...at some point.

Right now, we're just struggling. I really truly can not complain, the house was a gift and it's amazing and I'm so so thankful but that doesn't make paying the bills any easier. They still have to get paid and in reality, we're just swapping paying a high gas bill for putting more gas in our cars because commutes are longer. Back to school shopping, doing things like building shelves in the garage and putting in a new bathroom floor. It's all things that we're happy and THRILLED to do, really, but omg, it's killing us.

We're not big spenders. I love to shop but I'm much more of a Target clearance girl then a Coach girl. We occasionally splurge on a night out but it's pretty rare. I love a cup of Starbucks but I try to keep it in check. I haven't even been to my all time favorite cupcake place (Main Street Cupcakes. You should go. mmm, cupcakes) because it's not in the budget.

Must.Stick.To.Budget.

It's just a rough week and I'm trying to find ways to make it better. Who out there in cyber world wants to host a Premier party? Anyone?? :) Catalog or in home, I'll travel! LOL No, seriously. Anyone? It's a kick ass good time with some fabulous jewelry. And me, I'm kind of a big deal you know. Just ask my 4 year old ;)

How about pictures? I work with an fabulous photographer. Mini sessions at the end of the month! Find us on Facebook ;) Love Knots Photography

How do you cut corners when you feel like you've already cut the paper in half?? Help me out. I coupon, I shop clearance and I love a good second hand store. I wait for sales. A friend of mine recently did a no spend month, has anyone tried this? I may need to look in to it for November, before the holidays hit. Today is budget day!

Waiting for the notes

I'm waiting for the notes to come home from school.

"Please talk to Ian about his use of potty words in the classroom. We do not find his chicken butt jokes funny." Who doesn't find chicken butts hilarious? He says the other kids laugh.

"We would appreciate it if Ian would stop asking everyone if they are eating a dead animal. It's rather distracting at the lunch table" Well, it *is* a turkey sandwich...

"Ian again asked Sally if she wanted him to shake his booty, she does not. Please talk to him about not shaking his booty at school. We appreciate his love of music but maybe some more 4 year old appropriate songs would be good?" Hey, he likes to dance.

"While we understand the Ian does not finish the sentence his use of 'What The' is not appropriate." hmmm, I got nothing.

I had to edit this to add the conversation from this morning:

M: Ian, you're going to use nice words at school today, right? No potty words?
I: Yep
M: And your manners? Please, May I, thank you...
I: Yep. And no D words.
M: No, no D words. We don't talk like that. We use nice words
I: Ok, no oh my dammit. I won't say dammit at school. And no oh my god.
M: Right, because we don't talk like that.

**we totally talk like that, I'm such a liar. dammit**

First Day of (Pre) School

My baby started preschool yesterday. Some people are all "OMG, it's mah bay-bee!!" and I'm all "OMG I GET TWO WHOLE DAYS TO MY SELF, SEE YA BYE"

This is how I celebrated:

 And then I took a nap. Okay, so I ran some errands but then for real, I took a long ass nap to recover from being sick all weekend and getting no sleep the night before due to cold meds that hate me. That nap was almost as amazing as that pumpkin spice latte!

I've never had any guilt over leaving my kids. I NEED a break, we all need a break. If you leave your child attached to you 24/7 and never let them stay with grandma to be spoiled rotten or hang out with your friends who will equally spoil them rotten...they're missing out. Seriously! Some of my favorite childhood memories aren't with my parents at all. They're spending weekends with my grandparents or having sleepovers with my friends. Even the crazy baby sitters that we had make for great stories. Like the evil wench that tried to make us go to bed before midnight on NYE. Um, who are you kidding?! We totally hid in my parents room while she talked on the phone and watched the ball drop.

Point is, kids need their parents to back the hell off once in awhile and let them be kids. Let them BREATH!

So here is my handsome guy. He picked out his backpack and his lunch box, I did not buy a special first day of school outfit, he picked his own. I did not make any pinterest projects or countdowns. This is how we roll, we keep it simple.

Before School! 

 After I picked him up and got the.biggest.hug.

What They Remember

Sometimes I have this vision of the family I feel like we should be. The one that wakes up smiling, eats breakfast together and talks about the day ahead before going our separate ways. The family that goes on grand adventures, big and small, on the weekends. Has huge weekend breakfasts and a house full of laughter.

Then I realize that I do not live inside a Pinterest board.

Our mornings are rushed no matter what time we wake up. The little one is crying because we have orange juice and not apple juice, the oldest is pouting over the lack of frozen waffles, HH can't find his keys and me? I'm just wishing the damn coffee maker would brew a little faster and that everyone would just get out so I can get 30 minutes of quiet.

Weekends are spent running errands, doing chores, schlepping the kids from place to place. Once in a great while we maybe squeeze a date night in there. This summer was particularly rough with the move mixed in and it caused a lot of mommy guilt. Guilt over not taking a real vacation, guilt over our lack of camping trips, guilt over just doing NOTHING and yet feeling like the summer disappeared in an instant.

My husband likes to remind me that sometimes (most of the time) the most memorable moments are the not so perfect ones. Like when it rained while on their boys camping trip. It's the trip that will be talked about over and over again, regardless of the other 15 camping trips with perfect weather. The summer we moved, it's not likely to be a summer they forget any time soon. I moved when I was 12 and I still remember like it was yesterday. I mean, watching your dad clean the upstairs by throwing stuff out of a second floor window is hard to forget :)

Sometimes I need to remember that it's not about being the family we think we should be...it's just about being a family. Embracing our good days and our bad days...our boring every day routines and our not so boring, not so every day adventures.

Opinions

We all know the saying about opinions, right? Yea, I thought so.

Love me some Wonka

Here's the thing, when and if I ask for your opinion, I hope you give me an honest one. Does this make me look fat, do you like this color on me, do you think I need to pluck my eyebrows? These things, please, be a friend and tell me the truth. Do not tell me what I want to hear to spare my feelings. I'm a big girl, I can take it. I have a few friends that I can always count on to tell me how it is, even when they disagree with me. These are the women we all need in our lives. Fact.

All of that aside, if I'm not asking for your opinion, I don't really need it. I mean if you want to tell me I look hot in that new dress or that I have mad crafting skills because of my kick ass birthday party planning skills...well then sure, bring it on. However, if it's just an every day conversation and you have something negative to say, please just keep it to yourself. I do not need or want negativity. There are plenty of things I see and hear every single day that I would love to comment on, but I don't. I sit politely and if I'm going to complain, I do it the way good girls were taught...on the phone with my friends in the privacy of my own home.

This is just a friendly PSA for everything, from parenting to clothes to decorating to car choices. If you don't like it, fine, but if you're not asked your opinion, please keep it to yourself.

Moving

We've been in the process of moving for what seems like forever. And Ever. And ever. Okay, so it's really only been a few months, but trust me, it feels like longer.
We've known since the beginning of the year that there was a chance we'd be moving this summer, we just didn't know when. We started trimming the fat, sorting stuff and getting rid of stuff we didn't need. It felt good. We were organized and we got rid of a ton of stuff. It was awesome, we were moving rockstars.

Then it came to actually move...as it turns out, we're not rockstars. We're more like groupies or maybe roadies. Roadies are the guys that just carry heavy shit and set stuff up, right? Yea, that's probably us...we're definitely not giving the real rockstars head in the back of tour buses.

The first weekend of August we loaded up all of our boxes and all of our furniture and moved it all in. It was great, everything fit where we wanted it to, we weren't totally over run with toys because we got rid of a ton months ago.

Then we went back for more boxes. And more boxes. And holy shit how in the hell did all of this fit in to one house?! Our old neighbors kept joking that we had to be done. Had to be.

It was like a damn clown car, I swear

After we had moved we took at least 3 more truck loads of stuff to Salvation Army. At least. It was just that crazy.

Then, THEN, there was the painting. Oh the painting. We painted two bedrooms, playroom and living room. Each required multiple coats. It was as much fun as it sounds. At least for me who is not all about this whole decorating thing.

But, we have the important thing

No, not the fancy TV mount the swivels and slides above the fire place, although my husband my disagree.

Happy Kids

This Crazy Beautiful Life

Who decides to start a second new business while in the process of moving and agrees to consider taking on a 3rd part time/work from home job? Oh wait, that would be this girl right here.

I've clearly lost my damn mind. Either that or I'm just really broke and trying to fix it. Yea, that's more likely.

Regardless, I am now the owner of not one but TWO new businesses. The first one is part owner of a photography company here in OH. We do everything but specialize in weddings. Callie, the creative genius behind the camera is pretty amazing. I can not wait until she gets to put her full heart in to what she loves. Baby steps, we're getting there! Check out: Love Knots Photography for more info. We're pretty fabulous, if I do say so myself.
Today we signed our first official wedding contract. You have no idea how HUGE this is. We're just babies starting out even though Callie has been doing this for 10 years now. For the two of us, this is a big deal. We're kind of a big deal!

My second new venture is all about sparkles! Back in March I hosted a jewelry party with a friend of mine (Andrea, you should check out her blog: Are You Listening? ) She sells Premier and I'd been looking for my yearly party. I've done Pure Romance a few times, Pampered Chef and I wanted something different. It was super fun and after I ran in to a slight issue with a pair of earrings and had a replacement in less then a week I decided it was a no brainer. This was a company I could get behind...plus, they have super cute jewelry and what girl doesn't love that?! So I emailed Andrea and here we are. I become an official Premier Designs Independent Distributor tomorrow after my training/kick off show. I'm SUPER excited about this. I've done direct sales before with Pampered Chef and Avon....and let me tell you, 7 years makes a huge difference. I was so awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin then. I was nervous I was going to do or say the wrong thing or somehow screw things up. Now? Eh, I've got this. I'm still nervous but I'm not that girl anymore. If it works? AWESOME!! If not? Well, then I'll know it's truly not for me. The best part of this though? The jewelry sells itself. It's beautiful, it's not outrageously priced and it's FUN. I gave up my accessorizing skills when I had kids...I just ran out of time and wore my wedding set and the same simple necklace every.single.day. Do you know what I've learned since March? If I'm wearing a kick ass necklace or fabulous earrings...nobody is paying attention to the fact that I'm rocking clearance Target tank tops and Old Navy Jeans. It's like using the kids as a distraction so people don't notice you skipped showering or putting make up on. It's great!

So, that's my update! We're in the process of moving which is a whole other post! What a whirlwind. Loving this crazy beautiful life though!

Shit My Kids Say

A friend of mine suggested I start a twitter account with "shit my kids say" similar to the popular twitter/book Shit My Dad Says. I haven't done it because I know I wouldn't keep up with posting...and I wouldn't use that name. I'd have to think of something way cooler.

Regardless, here are a few gems from my boys lately:

While playing Mario Kart

Aiden: Okay, this is going to be our last race so we'd better man up!

While sitting by the fire, hands behind head:

Ian: Ah, this is the life

Handing me a tangled slinky:

Ian: Mommy, can you fix this. Five got it all tangled up

M: I know sweetie but it's really tangled. I'm not sure I can fix it.

Ian: Well, that's five's problem.

Aiden: Mom what would you rather eat a cat or a dog?

M: Um, I don't want to eat either of those!

Aiden: Dad, what about you? Would you rather eat a cat or a dog?

HH: hmmm, a dog. They have more meat on them. Other countries eat dog no problem.

Aiden: Yea, like in Mexico.

HH: No, not Mexico.

Aiden: Yea, New Mexico.

M: laughing, I'll be sure to tell uncle Jose that one!

At dinner:

Ian: Can I pee outside?

HH: Well, yes.

Ian: Can mommy pee outside?

HH: She could but not as easily.

Ian: mommy pees outside!!

HH: No, no she doesn't

M: *glaring*

HH: She would have to squat, she can't stand up like you

M: *kicking HH under the table for encouraging the pee talk at the dinner table*

Ian: Like a dog? Mommy has to squat like a dog to pee outside? Mommy is like a dog!

**fits of laughter from all the boys at the table**

At school someone brought in cupcakes for their birthday and a little girl didn't like them. Aiden looked at her and said "Are they too sweet for your tastes?" ~ What 9 year old comes up with that?!

Sadly, there are so many more that I just can't remember. Maybe I should start a twitter. Hmmm

Boring Nonsense

I've realized more and more that this blog is for me, not so much for anyone else. Do I hope people read it? Sure. Do I hope they like it? Of course. But, it's not for you guys (SORRY!) it's for me. The thing is, we tend to enjoy reading 2 types of blogs: The funny ones like the Bloggess or People I Want to Punch in the Throat (I love both, btw) and the sad ones. The ones with stories of sick babies or tragedy. We have a kind of sick fascination with them, I think we enjoy the emotions it evokes in us, it makes us look at our own life and realize that maybe it's not so bad. Makes us appreciate what we have, if even for just that day.

We do not enjoy reading about people who are happy, who have nothing to complain about, who don't naturally write in one liners and make you spit coffee all over your keyboard on a regular basis. Those blogs...eh, they're boring.

I have a boring blog.
I enjoy my boring blog.
I enjoy writing for me, telling stories or just getting things out there. It's therapeutic for me. It helps me clear my head and often times I find myself writing a post and at the end realizing that I don't even agree with what I've written. It truly makes me stop and think about something when I see it reflected back at me in black and white.

So to my 39 followers, I'm happy you're still here and I'm happy that one or two of you might take the time to read my posts. I apologize that I'm not the funny girl or the sad girl. My life is pretty standard, my marriage is stable, my kids are cute. There are no giant secrets lurking behind my words, no tragedy to over come. It's just me and my computer...writing about the boring nonsense of a stay at home/work at home mom since 2007.

I hope you stick around.

Changes, they are a comin'

I admittedly don't like change. It makes me nervous and when I get nervous I tend to get bitchy. My husband just loves that about me. ;)

Oddly enough, even though I don't like change, every few years I tend to make some kind of major change in my life. Sometimes planned but most of the time not. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. It's like some kind of outside force realizes I'm getting just a little TOO comfortable in my daily life and throws me a curve ball. I've been lucky in the fact that the majority of the changes have been GOOD. Some even great.

Right now I'm taking a huge chance and I left the job I'd been at for the last 3 years. The job that helped pay the bills, gave me extra play money to do stuff on my own and with the kids, the job that let me stay home and not have to pay for daycare and babysitters. I truly liked my job but as it happens with most jobs, it was time to move on. It was time to do something for ME and to take a leap and hope it all works out. I'm now part owner of my own company. My.Own.Company. How crazy is that?! In a lot of ways I still feel like a kid just playing house, playing "work" and waiting for someone else to tell me what to do and how to do it so I don't mess it up. It's a hard habit to break but this is my baby (our baby!) and it has to be up to us to stop playing dress up and actually DO THIS. I'm super excited and scared as hell all at the same time. Oh, and really really bitchy nervous.

There's also talks of relocation this summer. No where crazy far away or anything but a good 40 minutes from where we live now. We'll be moving farther from a lot of my best friends but I have other really good friends that I'm excited to live closer to. The house is really small, which will be a big change and the kids will be in new schools. Oddly enough this change will be temporary, we'll live there for a year or two until we save enough to find out forever house. Again it all makes me really bitchy nervous.

Changes...they're definitely coming. Like it or not.
So, to keep with that theme, changes to this blog will be coming as well. It's time for a makeover!

I'm not a helicopter mom (or am I?)

My boys are getting older and the older they get the more and more independent they want/NEED to be. Especially the 9 year old. I've always been a pretty laid back mom. I didn't rush to rinse off every dropped toy, I didn't run in every time one of the made a peep and I wasn't always looking over their shoulders to make sure nothing bad happened. I let them do their thing, I wait for the tears or the blood when they fall before I run over with a bandaid. Mom's kisses and a distraction was usually all that was needed to forget about a scraped knee or bruised ego.
Helicopter parenting has been talked about a lot lately. It's not really a term I was even familiar with until recently and honestly, I kind of just shrugged it off as one of those things I didn't need to be worried about because obviously I don't fall in to that category.
Or do I?
I'm 31 years old. When I was a kid you played outside until the street lights came on, you roamed the neighborhood on your bike, you walked everywhere and anywhere and your parents kind of knew where you were. They knew you were usually somewhere in a 4 block radius and if they stood outside and yelled (as my mom frequently did) you'd better be able to hear them and you'd better get your ass home. Yet here I am with a 9 year old boy and I won't let him walk across the street with his almost 4 year old brother to play on the playground for half an hour. Why?
I tell myself it's because I don't trust the neighborhood, which is true. We don't live in a great area...but the middle of a Sunday afternoon? We tell ourselves that times are different, things have changed, strangers can't be trusted. This is likely all very true but my kids know not to go off with a stranger, they know to stay together and to watch out for each other. Why is it so hard to let them just go outside and be kids?! We talk about getting kids away from video games and tv and we want them to go enjoy being outside the way we did...and yet we don't want to give them the independence to go explore, to learn, to make new friends with the kids down the street without us on their heels trying to make sure nothing bad happens.
Today, I told my kids they could go to the park by themselves. I set the ground rules: hold hands crossing the street, look both ways, stay inside the fence at the playground and if there are older kids hanging around just come home (hey, I have limits!). Unfortunately the park was closed...but it was a big step for me.
We ended up at another park later in the day and instead of following Ian around to make sure he didn't run infront of swings, climb up slides or fall off the monkey bars I just sat down at a table, chatted with a friend and watched. Ya know what? Nothing bad happened. Sure, he fell and he climbed up the slide instead of going down it, he stood at the bottom of the slide and got knocked down, he ran and he played. He made other little friends and I didn't need to be on top of him (I will say, I'm usually not, but today I made an effort to just leave him alone). He found me when he needed something and that was that. It was nice!

So baby steps...finding the balance between being the helicopter mom and being the mom that people look at and go "omg, does she ever watch her own children?!"

Who? Me?

Not long ago I went on a bit of a rant about not being a runner and have no desire to be a runner.

Yea, I'm a liar.

Yesterday I signed up to do The Color Run. It's a 5k. A 5k where you get sprayed with colored powder, which looks pretty freakin' fabulous!

So the girl that couldn't run a mile when she was a tiny little highschooler is going to attempt running 3.1 miles as an overweight mom of 2. Yep. Seems perfectly logical.

In all honesty, I might be setting myself up to fail. I'm going to start Couch 2 5k and see how that goes. I don't know if I'll stick with it or if I'll do it for a week and then find excuses to avoid running. Maybe I'll still hate it as much as I did in high school or maybe something will happen and I'll enjoy it. (okay, stop laughing!)

Bottom line, I need to do SOMETHING and I need a goal. I need some kind of motivation to want to do it. It also helps that I have kick ass friends that I called and they jumped at the chance to join me in my crazy ass ideas. Okay, so maybe they laughed and double checked their caller ID and THEN agreed to go run a race where the goal is to come out looking like Willy Wonka.

Bring it on Color Run!

10 things, all about me

1. I'm quiet and shy in new situations and around new people. I tend to be self conscious and cautious. Give me a few drinks and that stands to change pretty quickly.

2. I'm loyal, sometimes to a fault, but I've been known to hold a grudge. I'll forgive but I just have really hard time forgetting. Sometimes when I'm not looking those old grudges creep back up.

3. I think everyone should be allowed to marry whoever the hell they want. I don't care if you are white, black, gay, straight, midget (sorry, little person) or a jolly green giant. You love who you love and you should have the right to stand in front of the people you care about, the god you believe in and make whatever promises you like. It should be legal in a court of law and it should be accepted and celebrated by your peers. Plain and simple. It's love, I believe in it and I always will.

4. I'm a hopeless romantic (in case you can't tell from #3) and I believe there is good in everyone. Being hopeless doesn't make me a fool, sometimes even though there is good in everyone, there's just too much bad to make it worth it.

5. I've never done an illegal drug in my life but I'm all for legalizing marijuana. Tax the hell out of it and make some cash just like cigarettes and alcohol. Let's face it, it's probably the healthier option anyway. No, I have no research to back me up and I'm not going to go find any. Legal or not, I'm not smoking it, but I'm not so concerned about you smoking it in your own home.

6. Sometimes when asked what my best trait is I reply with the fact that I am excellent at seeing both sides of an argument. This is very true and while it's one of my best qualities it's also one of my worst. It's hard to truly get passionate about an issue and feel 110% confident in your argument when you can totally understand where the other person is coming from. If I don't get involved in a debate, don't take it as me not having an opinion. I'd just rather sit back and listen.

7. I love to write. I'm not a particularly great writer, I'm probably never going to publish anything but I love to write. I used to write in journals and I feel like I need to get back to that. You'd think this blog would be updated more often, wouldn't you?

8. I like being happy, I like looking for what is good and focusing on what I have rather then what I don't. It's who I am, it's how I get through every day. There are about 300 things I wish I had or that I wish I could do differently but if I sit around and dwell on those I'm going to miss what is GOOD and what is going on right in front of me. On the days I really just don't see those things...on those days, I write. And I drink. A lot. Luckily those days are fairly few and far between.

9. If I had the motivation or the brain power I would go back to school to be some kind of counselor. I don't have that kind of motivation or brain power so I'll stick to just playing arm chair shrink to my friends.

10. I still don't know what I'm going to do when I grow up. I try to picture my life in 10 years...with teenagers in the house...and I can't imagine anything but my grocery bill (so clearly I will be working 3 jobs to feed 2 teenage boys)

I don't do mimi's or blog hops much anymore...but if you want to post your 10 things, let me know and I'll hop over and read.

Wish I could be blind

HH and I weren't teenagers when I got pregnant with Aiden but we weren't exactly in the prime spot to be having a baby either. I was 21, he was 23. We'd been together for 3 years and things were good but we were still just kids. We partied, we stayed up late, I worked 3 jobs and we just went along our merry way.

Aiden changed all of that. In a good way, in a HUGE way.

Through my pregnancy I just sort of did it. I didn't read books, I skipped the birthing classes, these online communities didn't exist the way they do today and the only people that I had to turn to was my mom, the girls I worked with and my 2 friends who were also pregnant/had just had babies. Of course they were as clueless as I was (if you're reading this, hi girls!) so it was the blind leading the blind. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to being blind.

I've said it before, there is such a thing as too much information.

With Aiden I didn't compare myself to other parents, I never worried that other moms would think I was doing something wrong. I just did it, I did whatever worked for us in that moment. There was no right or wrong in my world back then...it was all about survival and making the most of what we had. Sure, I doubted myself plenty of times. I cried, I yelled, I laughed and then I sucked it up and kept going. If something was wrong and I didn't know what to do I didn't run to the internet to find the answer. I got on the phone and I called my mom, my aunt or a friend. From there I decided what I thought would work or if it was something that required it, I called the Dr.

Guess what? Aiden made it through infancy and toddlerhood just fine and in one piece.

Now, bring on Ian and I'm immersed in a world of online communities, social media and GOOGLE. Oh, gotta love the internets. (or interwebs if you prefer) While I adore all of these sites I sometimes wish I could go back to the days when I just went on blindly. Ignorance is bliss sometimes. It really is. I wouldn't wonder if I made the right choice in not sending Ian to preschool this year, I wouldn't read posts from other moms about their kids reading and writing and doing math(!!!) and wonder why my kid wasn't there yet. In my blind little world there would be the occasional parenting magazines with tips on getting organized but there wouldn't be an entire website just asking to make me feel guilty for not giving a damn about crafts.

I don't think we intentionally set out to make another mom feel guilty or feel like she's doing less then a perfect job at raising her kids...but it happens. It's inevitable, especially when it's all just so accessible. Everyone wants validation that they're doing something right and so they post on a message board, update their facebook, create a blog...whatever...so that other mom's will ohhh and ahh and say "wow, you are doing a great job"

So, for all of those mom's out there that are just trying to figure it out one day at a time: You're doing a great job!! For all of those mom's out there that don't do crafts with their kids, skip the bedtime book b/c omg you just need them to sleep right now: You're doing a good job! For the parents who want to ship their kids off to grandma the second it hits 5pm on Friday b/c you NEED a night out: You're doing a good job!

Let's stop comparing ourselves to others, stop trying to measure up, stop trying to make sure we fit in to some kind of mold that WE think we should be in...and let's just start parenting, parenting in a way that works for us and screw everyone else.

Funny things kids say

Ian's current favorites:

My nose is melting! (said when he has a runny nose)
Awe, nuts!
What...The...!! (we can thank his older brother for this one)
I just LOVE it. I love green. Mommy, I don't love purple. But MOMMY, I LOVE it!! (you get the idea)

Generally, he's pretty freakin' cute.

Aiden's new ones:

I'm just being startastic (I don't bother correcting his pronunciation b/c I think it's cute)
Seriously MOM
Oh you think you're SO funny

Clearly we're getting in to the tweet attitude and away from the cute-ness, but I'll take it. I like that he gets me when I'm being "startastic".

Friends

I'm trying really hard to concentrate on my friends that love me, warts and all. I have some friends that I truly love dearly and for some reason, they don't feel the same. I dwell on it, I wonder why, I want to know what happened or what went wrong. Part of me wants to ask what happened but the other part of me says that the people in my life that matter, are the ones that are here. The ones that want to know how I'm doing, what's going on in my life and take the time to check in.

We're all grown ups with our own real problems and our own not so real problems. We all lose track of what's important, we forget to return a text or a phone call, time goes by and we realize that we haven't had a good old fashion laugh until you cry night out with the girls in far too long. The friends that matter, the friends that are worth keeping around are the ones you can call and they'll be sitting next to you, laughing until you cry, as if no time has passed. Those are the people I want in my life. Those are the friends, the family, that matter. The rest? The rest are just filler on my facebook page.

My question is, what happens when someone goes from being the real friend to the filler friend? How do you accept that and move on? I don't like it, but at the same time, I don't think I have a choice in changing it.

Wine, maybe I should stop drinking it. It makes me sappy. I'll stick to margaritas, those make me feisty. ;)

I will not fall in to the Pinterest trap

I pinned all of these really cool ideas for Aiden's birthday party. Cakes, decorations, favors, games. That site is like crack, you just can't get enough. One.More.Pin. but OMGDIDYOUSEETHISINEEDITNOW

The fact is, his birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas and 1 week after New Years. I have a bridal show for work next week, I have decorations to take down and toys to find homes for. I'm in the middle of silent auction hell planning.I have an insane 3 year old that is home with me. I barely have time to throw chicken nuggets and smiley fries in the oven much less try to figure out how to bake and ice a cake in the shape of a football.

So, thank you Giant Eagle for having an overpriced cake with a Steelers magnet that made my 9 year old happy. My sanity is worth the $26 it's going to cost me for 8 boys to eat the icing.

I am going to do a few of the ideas I pinned, spy training exercises and popcorn container favors. I am not going to feel guilty that he's not getting a homemade cake and my house won't look like something out of a magazine. He's not going to remember that shit, he's going to remember his parents letting him invite 7 of his friends over to stay the night for his birthday...and chances are he's going to remember whatever it is they're going to break tomorrow night. They're boys, 8 of them, you know they're going to break something.

OMG do they like me?!

I read this post this morning, while watching a Casper Christmas movie with the boys and drinking coffee.

It hit me. The reason I don't always say what I want to say, why I don't always blog about the things I want to blog about. The reason I bite my tongue when sometimes I shouldn't or why I let things bottle up inside until I'm ready to explode.

I want people to like me. I enjoy being the best friend, the girl people go to for help, for advice or just to talk. At some point in my life I decided that I if I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing people wouldn't like me. I couldn't even begin to pin point when this happened. I have amazing friends and I'm pretty sure even if they disagreed with something I said, shared differing views on things of major importance, they'd still be my friends.

So the question is, why do I hold back? I'm not ever going to be the funny one, the controversial one, the life of the party or the girl that always has it together. I don't fit in to any of those categories. It's not me, it's not my personality. I'm never going to care about international news the way my husband does, I'm never going to be a tv junkie, follow celebrity gossip or have a strong opinion on color schemes and clothes.

At some point I need to get back to being just me and stop trying to be the person I think people will like. In the end it doesn't matter if everyone likes me as long as I like me.

First up on my list of ways to get back to just being me? Facebook friend purge. I have almost 300 Facebook friends. I'm sorry, but I don't think I know 300 people that really give a damn about what is going on in my life.

I'm going to have a NINE year old

Nine people, NINE!

that is one year away from TEN...which means I will have been a mom for a full decade.

That is just crazy. It is. I'm not sure I can wrap my tiny little brain around that. Let's not even talk about what happens in just a few short years. EEK!

I suppose we're not doing too bad of a job, he has manners and people seem to like him. He does okay in school, has friends, picks on his brother and at least once a day makes me want to pick him up and throw him. Of course he also makes me smile, laugh and want to just hug him tight and never let him grow up. It all works out.

I'm in birthday party planning mode. I'm going to have 7 of his friends staying the night at my house on Friday. Send wine. Send coffee. Send vodka.

It's going to be a Steelers party, much to my Browns loving husband's dismay. In true tween fashion, he loves to rebel against everything his parents like and in this case, he's taken it a step farther and has decided to cheer for the enemy. I may or may not encourage this nonsense just for sport and driving my husband crazy. ;)

So far for the party we'll have pizza, football shaped cake (yellow cake with chocolate frosting, of course), assorted popcorn flavors, training exercises, and movies. I need a good football themed kids movie.

Generally with his birthday being two weeks after Christmas he gets the shaft on the party planning, I'm trying not to suck this year by planning all of a week in advance. Go me.