Work From Home Mom

I'm pretty sure anyone reading this already knows that I work from home. I've been working from home since December of 2008. First for another company and now for my own company(ies). In so many ways it.is.awesome. I mean, who doesn't want to work with a glass of wine or be able to decide when everything gets done. I'm the only person I have to answer to. (Well, and my kick ass business partner...and my clients.)

The problem? I have myself to answer to. I'm really really hard on myself and it puts me in to this funk I struggle to get out of. Recently it's been over money the lack of it and it's made things worse. To the point that I just wasn't getting anything done because I had a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where things would all work out. They always work out, I know this, but for the last several weeks I couldn't SEE it.

Another big issues is that you can't leave your feelings, your mood, your bad day or whatever it is that's bothering you at the door and just work. The laundry is still there, the dishes need done, games of candy land need played and it's all pulling me in 1400 different directions. Days like that I wish I could get in my car at 8am and drive to an office and leave everything else behind and actually be forced to do ONLY work. I know, if you're sitting in an office reading this you're thinking I'm fucking crazy...but I'm not, I swear. I'm not saying I want to work a job with regular hours any time soon...I don't. I have zero desire to punch a time clock. I just sometimes miss the structure and as crazy as it sounds, the fear of letting someone else down. Okay, maybe I lied, maybe I am crazy.

I woke up today after a LOT of soul searching, thinking, talking and I'm feeling better. I've learned some things recently that I don't love but weighed against what I do love...and knowing where my heart is, I'm good. I'm confident in where I am...and now I just need to find a way to leave everything else at the door so I can enjoy the rewards of working from home. It's kind of an evil cycle.

Who am I?

You learn a lot of random things about yourself when people around you are asked to talk about you.

I've had a few home parties, both for my own Premier Designs business as well as other direct sales friends. I recently hosted a Thirty One Gifts party with the fabulous Charity Plaster and as with my Premier parties she asks everyone in the room to say their name, how they know the hostess (me!) and something they like about her (me!).

Here's a few things I've learned about myself since over the last few parties.

1. I don't mind being the center of attention. This is kind of a big one because at my baby shower and even my wedding shower, I hated it! I hated sitting there and opening gifts in front of everyone and being forced to make small talk with people. While I was grateful to my friends and family that put it together, I was SO happy when it was over. At one point my best friend laughed and made a comment about how I was hating this part of the party...but I wasn't. I really wasn't. I was laughing and enjoying myself...and I didn't turn 4 shades up pink. That's a pretty big deal in my world.

2. I have a unique laugh. I've had two people at two different parties say that I have the best laugh. I do? Really? I had NO idea. That's not something anyone has ever told me before. Ever. Crazy.

3. I am super lucky to have close friends that have known me forever and know the real me, warts and all. I've said that before but I guess sometimes I take for granted the fact that not everyone can say they've known their best friends since middle school. This is also why I think keeping my kids in the same school for as much of their school career as possible is so important to me. While I know it's rare, I'd love if they grew up and raised their families surrounded by the same people they knew in school. My parents did, so maybe it's in my genes.

4. Change is good and I'm not as scared of it as I used to be.

5. I like meeting new people! I like talking to people! I *gasp* like people. Mostly. There are still some that I'd prefer to not talk to and others that could fall off the planet and I'd be okay with that...but for the most part. People are fun.

10 things, all about me

1. I'm quiet and shy in new situations and around new people. I tend to be self conscious and cautious. Give me a few drinks and that stands to change pretty quickly.

2. I'm loyal, sometimes to a fault, but I've been known to hold a grudge. I'll forgive but I just have really hard time forgetting. Sometimes when I'm not looking those old grudges creep back up.

3. I think everyone should be allowed to marry whoever the hell they want. I don't care if you are white, black, gay, straight, midget (sorry, little person) or a jolly green giant. You love who you love and you should have the right to stand in front of the people you care about, the god you believe in and make whatever promises you like. It should be legal in a court of law and it should be accepted and celebrated by your peers. Plain and simple. It's love, I believe in it and I always will.

4. I'm a hopeless romantic (in case you can't tell from #3) and I believe there is good in everyone. Being hopeless doesn't make me a fool, sometimes even though there is good in everyone, there's just too much bad to make it worth it.

5. I've never done an illegal drug in my life but I'm all for legalizing marijuana. Tax the hell out of it and make some cash just like cigarettes and alcohol. Let's face it, it's probably the healthier option anyway. No, I have no research to back me up and I'm not going to go find any. Legal or not, I'm not smoking it, but I'm not so concerned about you smoking it in your own home.

6. Sometimes when asked what my best trait is I reply with the fact that I am excellent at seeing both sides of an argument. This is very true and while it's one of my best qualities it's also one of my worst. It's hard to truly get passionate about an issue and feel 110% confident in your argument when you can totally understand where the other person is coming from. If I don't get involved in a debate, don't take it as me not having an opinion. I'd just rather sit back and listen.

7. I love to write. I'm not a particularly great writer, I'm probably never going to publish anything but I love to write. I used to write in journals and I feel like I need to get back to that. You'd think this blog would be updated more often, wouldn't you?

8. I like being happy, I like looking for what is good and focusing on what I have rather then what I don't. It's who I am, it's how I get through every day. There are about 300 things I wish I had or that I wish I could do differently but if I sit around and dwell on those I'm going to miss what is GOOD and what is going on right in front of me. On the days I really just don't see those things...on those days, I write. And I drink. A lot. Luckily those days are fairly few and far between.

9. If I had the motivation or the brain power I would go back to school to be some kind of counselor. I don't have that kind of motivation or brain power so I'll stick to just playing arm chair shrink to my friends.

10. I still don't know what I'm going to do when I grow up. I try to picture my life in 10 years...with teenagers in the house...and I can't imagine anything but my grocery bill (so clearly I will be working 3 jobs to feed 2 teenage boys)

I don't do mimi's or blog hops much anymore...but if you want to post your 10 things, let me know and I'll hop over and read.