Another year

So it's been almost another year since my last post. It's been one of the craziest years of my life. I'm still not sure how I feel about it all.
I did go to counseling, a lot of counseling, for 11 months. I learned a lot. I learned that even very small things can add up to very big feelings and emotions and that's okay. There doesn't have to be some big life changing event that sets your path in life. Sometimes - a lot of times - it's just LIFE. I talked about my kids, my husband, my marriage, my parents, and even myself occasionally. I learned new coping skills and new ways of looking at things and all of the things you are supposed to learn - but I still feel like something is missing. I wanted pushed a little harder to dig a little deeper. I'm still an emotional mess, although CBD oil has been been the best thing since someone decided to mix chocolate and peanut butter. I never thought I would say that but it's been 2 months and these last few days, the days I forgot to take it, have been the most 'off' I've felt.

I did't do most of what I wanted to do last year - I never went to the gym, never kept up with writing, didn't read as many books as I wanted...but I did try to make myself a priority. I tried to talk more, to speak my truth more, to let people know how I was feeling more. It wasn't perfect, I still made lots of mistakes, and I was still sad way too much, but I made progress.

I want to make more progress this year. I want to get back to counseling, although with new insurance it's much more expensive so it won't be as often. I want to learn more about myself, I want to work on the anxiety that keeps me in bed far longer than I should be, I want to figure out some of those questions I had last year that still linger. I want to learn and grow just a little more.

I want to write more. I don't know if I'll do it or if I'll still get hung up in all the day to day bullshit but I want to try. Maybe I'll fail. Either way, I'm here for it.