He missed the memo

You know, the memo that every husband SHOULD receive that says:

Dear Husband,
When your wife spends more then her usual 30 seconds getting ready, slips in to a brand new (CUTE!) black dress and puts on her fuck me red heels, you should probably acknowledge it. Here are some replies, depending on the circumstances, that are acceptable:

"Wow honey, you look amazing"
"Have I told you how gorgeous (sexy, beautiful etc.) you are?"
"I am going to be the luckiest man at (insert location here)"
"Do we have to leave?" while leering (yes, in this case, leering is appropriate)
"I can't wait to get you home" Again, this is appropriate (depending on the occasion)

All of these things should be said before sex...compliments during sex do not count ...and for the record, same goes for those made during foreplay.

Things you should NOT say when your wife is standing in front of you looking hot:

"Are you wearing your girdle?" while caressing her backside.
"You're getting veins like your mom."
"Your toenail polish does look pink"
"How much did those shoes cost?"

Also, for such occasions as, oh I don't know, anniversaries...if she plans it, saves the money for it and makes the reservations, it is in your best interest to do something for her. A simple card, a Thank You maybe even a box of chocolates or just STFU about how much money is being spent for one (or 2) night/s.

Sincerely,
The Happy Husband Help Team


P.S.
When it says in your vows that you will buy your wife a white rose each year, on your anniversary, do not make her remind you 4 days later. Chances are good, it won't end well for you.

** I can not disclose if some or all of the above were mentioned at some point in the past 3 days, for fear that if I do, I will be forced to hurt someone**

Dum Dum Da Dum

It's my FIVE YEAR anniversary. Someone please explain to me how I am even old enough to have been married 5 years?! I mean really, I should still be like, 19, right?! RIGHT!?

I posted wedding pics last year, you can see them here
And also, my fabulous wedding officiant posted some on her blog, Something Blue {and something pink}

So, I'm not going to repost those. Instead, I'll post a few others

I told him not to smash cake in my face b/c I spent a long time on my make up :)


One of my faves


and of course, the cutest ring bearer ever!!


Niagara Falls:



Happy Anniversary, Handsome! I love you!

Girls are evil

I am spending my morning catching up on blogs. My mom has the littlest guy and the other one is at school. I should be cleaning...or grocery shopping...or fighting my way through the mound of laundry in my basement, but I'm not. Instead I made myself a homemade white mocha (not as good as Starbucks but I'm trying here!) and I'm sitting in front of my computer reading blogs I've missed all week. I see the Sissy has a new post...she's one of my faves so of course I run over to check it out. You should too, here!

Okay, back now?? Great. Moving on.

You see her post about her son being invited to a sleepover...at a girls house...got me thinking (hey, it happens!). Thing 1 has always had a thing for the ladies...and now that he's a big 1st grader, we can't walk down the hall without girls saying "Hi" or rolling down windows and screaming from their cars as we leave school, some I know from last year and some are new. Sometimes he'll grin and wave and other times he pretends not to hear them, of course I smack him on the head and tell him to say hi. Yes, some things will never change...like boys ignoring the cute girls b/c really, they're just scared...and the girls thinking they're so cool and mysterious, when really they're just kind of an ass. (wait...did I just call my son an ass?)
Here's the thing though...girls are evil. They're mean and manipulative and someday they're going to break my poor boys heart(s)...and then there will be that one who doesn't and I'll have a daughter in-law. I don't think I want that. So, I've decided he should just be gay.

I know, I know...what kind of mother would wish that on her child....but hear me out. Aside from the lifetime of ridicule, having to fight for every little thing, not being treated as an equal because, you know, marriage in only right if it's between a man and a woman (sarcasm people, sarcasm)...BUT it would take the whole prissy girl issue out of the equation, and that's good for me.

What? It's not about me? psh!




p.s.
How many months of therapy will he be in when he's old enough to find this post online? hmmm

One month and 3 days

I will be 29.

Seriously, how the hell did that happen?!

Oddly enough, the idea of turning 30 in a year doesn't bother me...but I'm having a really hard time with 29.

I guess because I keep thinking I have plenty of time to do things before I turn 30...buy a house, go to Vegas, find some kind of balance between work, kids, HH, ME (in no particular order) and get to a place I want to be. Not that I'm unhappy, because I'm not, I'm just not where I ever thought I'd be at this point in my life. I feel like a lot of times it's 2 steps forward and 1 step back, rinse and repeat. We're getting ahead but it's very little at a time.

Ah well...29 will come and go and while I say I'm fine with 30 now, talk to me at this time next year when I'm crying in to my margarita.