I'm in way too many facebook groups and when I think about leaving, I get sucked in. Some are great, some I have no idea why I am even in there, and others are useful.
One of them had a post about jobs. What's your current job and what's your dream job.
For most people this seems to be an easy answer. If you are lucky, they're the same answer. For me though - I don't have an answer. I love what I do. I love that I'm my own boss and that I get to take ideas and make them happen for my customers. I love creating things - even if I'm not particularly creative myself. Is it my dream job though? Probably not. I say probably because I don't have one. When I was probably 10 I wanted to be a photographer. I got my first camera and I would tear through film. So many pictures. I would run around on vacation snapping pictures and videos and loving all of it. Only about half the pictures came out but I didn't care. When we had kids we bought a nice camera and I learned the very basics from real photographers. If I tried I could get some pretty kick ass pictures of my kids but I had no desire to learn more. I love to capture the moments but it's not something I dream of getting paid to do.
When I was in 6th grade I started writing a book. It was on this grey recycled paper and I remember the blue pen I had wrote so smoothly. I walked around with it in a binder and let very few people read it. I would go on to write variations of that same story throughout the years. Some I would type on my word processor and others would eventually be saved to a computer. I would never get very far. I have a friend that often asks about that original story, he's been asking for over 20 years if I finished it. I haven't. Someday maybe I will. Probably not.
I know that I express myself better in writing. I can stop and think about what I am saying and how I am saying it. I can read it over and over again to make sure it's perfect. I can't do that when I talk, once those words are out there, there's no taking them back. There's no backspace or edit option. I like writing for me but again, I don't see it being a dream.
I'm not sure what my dream is. I'm not sure I need to have one. Maybe just enjoying what I do until the next thing comes along is enough.
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Another year
So it's been almost another year since my last post. It's been one of the craziest years of my life. I'm still not sure how I feel about it all.
I did go to counseling, a lot of counseling, for 11 months. I learned a lot. I learned that even very small things can add up to very big feelings and emotions and that's okay. There doesn't have to be some big life changing event that sets your path in life. Sometimes - a lot of times - it's just LIFE. I talked about my kids, my husband, my marriage, my parents, and even myself occasionally. I learned new coping skills and new ways of looking at things and all of the things you are supposed to learn - but I still feel like something is missing. I wanted pushed a little harder to dig a little deeper. I'm still an emotional mess, although CBD oil has been been the best thing since someone decided to mix chocolate and peanut butter. I never thought I would say that but it's been 2 months and these last few days, the days I forgot to take it, have been the most 'off' I've felt.
I did't do most of what I wanted to do last year - I never went to the gym, never kept up with writing, didn't read as many books as I wanted...but I did try to make myself a priority. I tried to talk more, to speak my truth more, to let people know how I was feeling more. It wasn't perfect, I still made lots of mistakes, and I was still sad way too much, but I made progress.
I want to make more progress this year. I want to get back to counseling, although with new insurance it's much more expensive so it won't be as often. I want to learn more about myself, I want to work on the anxiety that keeps me in bed far longer than I should be, I want to figure out some of those questions I had last year that still linger. I want to learn and grow just a little more.
I want to write more. I don't know if I'll do it or if I'll still get hung up in all the day to day bullshit but I want to try. Maybe I'll fail. Either way, I'm here for it.
I did go to counseling, a lot of counseling, for 11 months. I learned a lot. I learned that even very small things can add up to very big feelings and emotions and that's okay. There doesn't have to be some big life changing event that sets your path in life. Sometimes - a lot of times - it's just LIFE. I talked about my kids, my husband, my marriage, my parents, and even myself occasionally. I learned new coping skills and new ways of looking at things and all of the things you are supposed to learn - but I still feel like something is missing. I wanted pushed a little harder to dig a little deeper. I'm still an emotional mess, although CBD oil has been been the best thing since someone decided to mix chocolate and peanut butter. I never thought I would say that but it's been 2 months and these last few days, the days I forgot to take it, have been the most 'off' I've felt.
I did't do most of what I wanted to do last year - I never went to the gym, never kept up with writing, didn't read as many books as I wanted...but I did try to make myself a priority. I tried to talk more, to speak my truth more, to let people know how I was feeling more. It wasn't perfect, I still made lots of mistakes, and I was still sad way too much, but I made progress.
I want to make more progress this year. I want to get back to counseling, although with new insurance it's much more expensive so it won't be as often. I want to learn more about myself, I want to work on the anxiety that keeps me in bed far longer than I should be, I want to figure out some of those questions I had last year that still linger. I want to learn and grow just a little more.
I want to write more. I don't know if I'll do it or if I'll still get hung up in all the day to day bullshit but I want to try. Maybe I'll fail. Either way, I'm here for it.
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Step One
Wow. I wasn't even sure this blog would still be here. It's in desperate need of an update but instead of spending hours trying to pick a new theme and new pictures, avoiding what I actually want to use this platform for - I am going to leave this as is and just, write.
Every year I start out thinking this will be the year that is different. It's the year I'll start using the gym membership, the year I'll put myself first, the year I'll stop stuffing my face with chocolate for no good reason, the year I try to fix all of the things I don't understand about myself.
I don't know if that is this year, I can't make any promises at this point, but what I do know is that for the first time ever I reached out to a professional. Thank god they do emails because heaven knows I am not picking up the phone to do such things. If only I could make all appointments via email.
In the intro packet they sent it said that the first appointment will be talking about what I want to get out of our sessions.
So here we go. What do I want.
I want to feel happy again. I know at some point I was happy and there are days when I think I still am - but it's not true complete happiness where there's nothing else to worry about.
I want to figure out so much about why I do the things I do. Why do I put simple tasks off, why do I wait until the very last minute to do everything, why do I always feel like I'm not enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not a good enough mother or wife.
I'm very good at looking at others with similar issues, I'm good at figuring out what in their life started them down that path. Usually there are events that shape you but I lived a pretty typical life. I've lost people, I've had really shitty days but for the most part my life has been good...so why do I always fear the worst?
I should be excited to take this step but I'm just scared. Really fucking scared.
Here's to whatever this year brings.
Every year I start out thinking this will be the year that is different. It's the year I'll start using the gym membership, the year I'll put myself first, the year I'll stop stuffing my face with chocolate for no good reason, the year I try to fix all of the things I don't understand about myself.
I don't know if that is this year, I can't make any promises at this point, but what I do know is that for the first time ever I reached out to a professional. Thank god they do emails because heaven knows I am not picking up the phone to do such things. If only I could make all appointments via email.
In the intro packet they sent it said that the first appointment will be talking about what I want to get out of our sessions.
So here we go. What do I want.
I want to feel happy again. I know at some point I was happy and there are days when I think I still am - but it's not true complete happiness where there's nothing else to worry about.
I want to figure out so much about why I do the things I do. Why do I put simple tasks off, why do I wait until the very last minute to do everything, why do I always feel like I'm not enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not a good enough mother or wife.
I'm very good at looking at others with similar issues, I'm good at figuring out what in their life started them down that path. Usually there are events that shape you but I lived a pretty typical life. I've lost people, I've had really shitty days but for the most part my life has been good...so why do I always fear the worst?
I should be excited to take this step but I'm just scared. Really fucking scared.
Here's to whatever this year brings.
Monday, August 1, 2016
When Life (Death) Isn't Fair
We all take this thing called life for granted. We say we're not going to, we say we're going to live in the moment and take life by the horns and all of those other cliche quotes but the truth is, we don't. We let one day roll right in to the next and we assume that things will be the same when we wake up the next day. We assume that we *will* wake up the next day.
People die. It happens, circle of life and all that. I've been to more funerals than I care to think about. I've buried so many my own age, starting before I was even out of middle school. It's never easy, there's never a proper way to say "I'm sorry" to a grieving mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother, husband, wife....it all feels so hallow. We leave those funerals with a renewed faith that we are going to be different, that starting today no more skipping the ice cream or putting off that trip we swore we would take...and yet, it happens. *LIFE* happens. Life gets in the way of living, which really seems so contradictory but it's true. We can't just do what we want, when we want, because we have obligations and the world does not simply revolve around what we want to do right now. We have other people around that depend on us, that need us to be here with them, we have work that requires us to show up and so we put it off. We say we'll schedule it, we'll plan it, we'll figure it out and then those days turn in to weeks, months, years. If you're reading this you are probably going through your mental checklist of things you thought you'd do and haven't. I'd like to tell you to drop what you're doing and go, just go right now, but I won't. I can't because I would be a fraud. I can't tel you to do something that I know I won't do myself. I know that I'll go through the motions of my life today and tomorrow I will do the same. This life that I am living though, this is good. It's not adventurous or crazy but it's good and it's mine.
Then there something happens and there's a death that just knocks you down. Hits you so hard you're not even sure you can get up. I've watched people battle cancer and fight off diseases only to lose. I've watched as families cry over losing someone they loved dearly to addiction. I've watched as children try to process what is happening and that those people are gone for good. It's sad and it's a terrible feeling of helplessness but there's something expected in those cases. Not that we ever plan on having to bury the ones we love but when there is an outside force involved, even if you don't admit it out loud, you know there is a chance. When someone is living their healthy, beautiful, amazing life one day and the very next they're gone, it's not fair. It's not right. When the choice someone else made to live recklessly leaves a husband without his wife, a son without his step-mom, a father without his daughter and so so many others without their friend...what else can you say? This life...this DEATH...it's not fair. It's not expected, there is no way to prepare our mind, our body, our soul. There's no goodbye, there's no closure.
Sometimes in life we get lucky and we have those people that we know we can count on. We know that no matter what, no matter how often we talk, no matter how many months we go without talking, they'll always be there. They will answer your texts and your calls, they'll find the time to meet you for dinner, and if you need something in the middle of the night they'll answer and ask how they can help. We lost one of those people and while maybe she wasn't my best friend she was by far one of the truest. You knew you'd get a real answer from her, no bullshit answers, no telling you what you want to hear, there was only love, kindness, laughter, smiles, tears and humanity. These real life moments, these are the ones that make you second guess everything. These are the things that make you look at your life and wonder what the fuck is going on and how is this right? How is this fair? Some would say that she is in a better place, that she was needed somewhere else, that she is now looking over us...but what if that's not what we want? What if we'd rather she be watching out for us here? I want to be like her, I want to cry and then find a way to honor her life because that is what she would do for any one of us but right now? Right now I want to be upset, I want to cry and I want to hold the ones I love just a little tighter because it's not okay. It's not right and it's certainly not fair.
People die. It happens, circle of life and all that. I've been to more funerals than I care to think about. I've buried so many my own age, starting before I was even out of middle school. It's never easy, there's never a proper way to say "I'm sorry" to a grieving mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother, husband, wife....it all feels so hallow. We leave those funerals with a renewed faith that we are going to be different, that starting today no more skipping the ice cream or putting off that trip we swore we would take...and yet, it happens. *LIFE* happens. Life gets in the way of living, which really seems so contradictory but it's true. We can't just do what we want, when we want, because we have obligations and the world does not simply revolve around what we want to do right now. We have other people around that depend on us, that need us to be here with them, we have work that requires us to show up and so we put it off. We say we'll schedule it, we'll plan it, we'll figure it out and then those days turn in to weeks, months, years. If you're reading this you are probably going through your mental checklist of things you thought you'd do and haven't. I'd like to tell you to drop what you're doing and go, just go right now, but I won't. I can't because I would be a fraud. I can't tel you to do something that I know I won't do myself. I know that I'll go through the motions of my life today and tomorrow I will do the same. This life that I am living though, this is good. It's not adventurous or crazy but it's good and it's mine.
Then there something happens and there's a death that just knocks you down. Hits you so hard you're not even sure you can get up. I've watched people battle cancer and fight off diseases only to lose. I've watched as families cry over losing someone they loved dearly to addiction. I've watched as children try to process what is happening and that those people are gone for good. It's sad and it's a terrible feeling of helplessness but there's something expected in those cases. Not that we ever plan on having to bury the ones we love but when there is an outside force involved, even if you don't admit it out loud, you know there is a chance. When someone is living their healthy, beautiful, amazing life one day and the very next they're gone, it's not fair. It's not right. When the choice someone else made to live recklessly leaves a husband without his wife, a son without his step-mom, a father without his daughter and so so many others without their friend...what else can you say? This life...this DEATH...it's not fair. It's not expected, there is no way to prepare our mind, our body, our soul. There's no goodbye, there's no closure.
Sometimes in life we get lucky and we have those people that we know we can count on. We know that no matter what, no matter how often we talk, no matter how many months we go without talking, they'll always be there. They will answer your texts and your calls, they'll find the time to meet you for dinner, and if you need something in the middle of the night they'll answer and ask how they can help. We lost one of those people and while maybe she wasn't my best friend she was by far one of the truest. You knew you'd get a real answer from her, no bullshit answers, no telling you what you want to hear, there was only love, kindness, laughter, smiles, tears and humanity. These real life moments, these are the ones that make you second guess everything. These are the things that make you look at your life and wonder what the fuck is going on and how is this right? How is this fair? Some would say that she is in a better place, that she was needed somewhere else, that she is now looking over us...but what if that's not what we want? What if we'd rather she be watching out for us here? I want to be like her, I want to cry and then find a way to honor her life because that is what she would do for any one of us but right now? Right now I want to be upset, I want to cry and I want to hold the ones I love just a little tighter because it's not okay. It's not right and it's certainly not fair.
Friday, April 8, 2016
Thoughts on doctors...and patients.
It's been a crazy few months since my last post.
At the end of February my mom and I spent the afternoon doing some shopping and then decided to take the kids for a walk. We live close to a path that gets us right in the heart of our little downtown. It's about a 2 mile walk and once we're there we get ice cream. About halfway my mom mentioned that her hip was starting to bother her. We took it slow and stopped a few times along the way. I let my dad know that he'd need to pick her up from downtown instead of my house so she didn't have to walk back. Her hands started to swell and we stopped a few more times before reaching the library.
As I'm walking towards the library she stops at the corner and looks around, confused. If you've met my mom, you know that she's no stranger to being confused. She definitely has good days and bad days (don't we all!) but this was different. She looked right at me and told me that she needed to find her dog. When I asked what dog she was looking for she got more agitated and started asking for Columbo.
Columbo has been gone for years. They had him put to sleep when he was 18 years old, deaf and blind. I was probably 9 or 10 at the time. (it's okay, I'll do the math for you, it had been nearly 25 years). After some tears, and me trying to keep the kids from really paying attention to what is going on, my dad finally picked her up. I gave him a quick update as she was still upset and wanting to know if he was going to help her find her dog.
Sunday goes by and she's okay. Tired, stays in bed most of the day but okay.
Monday I go to work and I send her a message (she loves her some facebook messenger!) to ask if she'd called the doctor. She replies asking me why and that she wants to go out and find her dog. I'm trying hard to keep it together and I call the husband to ask him if he can go over and check on her.
**Quick side story, as he's pulling out of our neighborhood to check on her, he gets pulled over for rolling through the stop sign at the end of our street. He told the cop his mother in law was having stroke like symptoms and he was in a hurry, the cop asked where she lived and in true hubby fashion he couldn't remember the name of the street but told the cop he could follow him and give him the ticket when he got there. I swear, this shit only happens to him! The cop let him go and did not follow**
So anyway, he gets there and she's all upset because she's trying to make a smoothie and she can't do anything. Her hands just won't work. She can't open anything, she can't peel her banana, she has zero strength...AND she's still looking for her missing dog. I called her doctor and they sent us straight to the ER.
This is where the fun begins. I'm going to start, before I lose you in the even longer story, by saying do not be afraid to ask questions, questions and more questions. Do not be afraid to ask for a second or even third opinion. Do not be afraid to second guess what someone tells you. I've always felt that doctors should be trusted. They're human like the rest of us but they're really smart humans that went to school for a really long time. They should know what they're talking about and should be trusted...and I do still believe that...but I also believe that they're only human. They can still make mistakes, they can miss something, they can maybe not feel like dealing with the messy unknown that day. You know yourself and you know your family. Speak up. If you don't like what someone says, if you don't agree with a treatment plan you have EVERY right to say no or to ask for someone else.
So here goes. My mom spent over a week in the hospital. She was admitted February 22nd and released March 1st. I saw her every day, I talked to every doctor. She had an entire team of doctors checking on her. Most of them I felt did a really good job. She had some great nurses, she also had one in particular that she didn't care for. He worked at night and he wasn't as gentle with her while helping her walk to the bathroom. You see during all of this my mom, the same woman that was out closing the bar and dancing the night away just a few weeks before this, could not get out of bed and walk to the bathroom on her own. Even with a team of doctors and every test imaginable we heard the same thing over and over, "we're not sure, we don't know, we're going to run more tests"
Finally, at the end of that week all they could come up with was an autoimmune brain disease. This lead us down the path of needing a rhuematologist. Unfortunately nobody local could see her while in the hospital, they only handle out patient. I asked a lot of questions but even looking back, I should have asked more. I should have pressed more. So many little things were missed, so many things were wrong and while it may not have made a difference, we need to be the voice for ourselves and for those that can't be the voice for themselves.
She was released and put on a hefty dose of steroids. I know from her being on them before that typically it's not long term. They always give you instructions to ween off of them, except this time they didn't.
Now we're home and it took some juggling and some craziness but we have a routine down. She can't be by herself because even though my dad installed hand rails in her bathroom and made it so she can get out of bed on her own, she can't really care for herself. She can't make herself food or get around easily. So at 7am my dad brings her over to my house where she hangs out on my couch coloring and watching tv. I work from home and spend my day running between my phone/computer and her downstairs on my couch. I work until 3:30 and then it's homework and chores and dinner. My dad gets to my house around 6. Sometimes they stay for dinner, sometimes they head home. By the time my dad gets her home and settled it's probably close to 8pm. Needless to say, we're all tired, but we're all doing exactly what she would be doing for any one of us in heart beat. It would never cross my mind to NOT do this.
Our first trip to a rheumatologist was a total waste of time. I'd been warned that the local doctors are just not familiar with these rare diseases but it was the first one we could get in to. We'd tried Cleveland Clinic, OSU even U of M. Everyone had waiting lists...waiting lists that went in to June! This was early March, June seems so far away. The unknown is scary. Feeling like maybe this is the new normal or maybe this is just a chapter in this book that will have a crazy plot twist next month is not a fun place to be. This doctor that we saw hadn't even read her chart before we showed up. She sat with a stack of papers, at least 2 inches thick, and went through them while we were in the office. She kept telling us that nothing appeared to be lupus, which we knew, but I guess because the orders from the primary doctor mentioned lupus that was the only thing she was looking for. She never once mentioned the memory loss. My mom can't remember dates, can't remember the vacation we took last summer, can't remember her own phone number or even her anniversary. She knows her family, she remembers things from high school but couldn't tell you what year it was. At one point towards the end of the appointment she told us she was going to run a few more very specific blood tests but if they were clear we didn't have to come back. I am fairly certain the look on my face was something out of a cartoon. This is a doctor, and not just any doctor, a highly sought after specialist. Here is the woman that is clearly sick and we're telling you that this is not her normal. She might be 65 years old but she is not an old lady. Do not tell me that simply because the test results that we already have copies of from the hospital do not show lupus and shove us out the door.
I do not speak up much, I'm much like my dad and I'm very closed off in a lot of ways. I asked her what we should do if we're not supposed to come back. I asked if she could give her instructions to get her off the steroids since I know the doctors at the hospital put her on them simply as a bandaid to get her home so that rheumatology could take over her care. In a nutshell she told me it wasn't her problem, we'd need to follow up with Neuro and we'd need to talk to the prescribing doctor. It was by far the worst appointment I'd ever been to in my entire life. I'd never left an office feeling like a doctor didn't want to help the way I did that day.
I swear I'm getting to the end of this post, even if you've read this far. It's a lot, I know, and I'm not going to lie it's just as much for me to remember how it all played out.
After that I finally reached out on Facebook. I hadn't posted a whole lot about what was going on but I needed help. I asked if anyone had any kind of a connection because we needed a new doctor, a good doctor, and the idea of waiting another 2 months to see someone made me fall in to a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate. (true story) Among Cthe comments was a friend from high school, she said that she knew someone at OSU and she was willing to see my mom. USE YOUR RESOURCES. So much is about who you know, do not be afraid to ask!! It took some time but I finally managed to get her appointment scheduled (to give you an idea, the first available was June 15th!) however the Dr put a note on the chart approving a bump. We went yesterday. Every person we came in to contact with was so nice. They went over every detail of mom's history, her care, what was going on now, how it all started. They asked a ton of questions. When the Dr came in and was talking to my mom and to us I literally almost cried. I wanted to cry because some of what she was saying was scary shit and because she had been in the room for 10 minutes and had done more than any doctor we'd seen over the last month. We walked out of there with instructions on a second opinion from Neuro (which they've already called and scheduled, we go back on Monday), more blood work, forms on getting details from her other doctors on a previous autoimmune diagnosis...but what the most important thing we walked away with was a feeling of (FINALLY!) not being alone in this.
All of this to say: Fight. Do not accept an answer that does not sit well with you. Do not ignore the voice in your head that tells you there has to be more. There has to be someone that is willing to put in the work and ask the tough questions. Find that doctor. Find that person. It could, frankly, be a matter of life or death.
I am sure I will have more updates, hopefully none quite as long as this, as we walk this very long road.
At the end of February my mom and I spent the afternoon doing some shopping and then decided to take the kids for a walk. We live close to a path that gets us right in the heart of our little downtown. It's about a 2 mile walk and once we're there we get ice cream. About halfway my mom mentioned that her hip was starting to bother her. We took it slow and stopped a few times along the way. I let my dad know that he'd need to pick her up from downtown instead of my house so she didn't have to walk back. Her hands started to swell and we stopped a few more times before reaching the library.
As I'm walking towards the library she stops at the corner and looks around, confused. If you've met my mom, you know that she's no stranger to being confused. She definitely has good days and bad days (don't we all!) but this was different. She looked right at me and told me that she needed to find her dog. When I asked what dog she was looking for she got more agitated and started asking for Columbo.
Columbo has been gone for years. They had him put to sleep when he was 18 years old, deaf and blind. I was probably 9 or 10 at the time. (it's okay, I'll do the math for you, it had been nearly 25 years). After some tears, and me trying to keep the kids from really paying attention to what is going on, my dad finally picked her up. I gave him a quick update as she was still upset and wanting to know if he was going to help her find her dog.
Sunday goes by and she's okay. Tired, stays in bed most of the day but okay.
Monday I go to work and I send her a message (she loves her some facebook messenger!) to ask if she'd called the doctor. She replies asking me why and that she wants to go out and find her dog. I'm trying hard to keep it together and I call the husband to ask him if he can go over and check on her.
**Quick side story, as he's pulling out of our neighborhood to check on her, he gets pulled over for rolling through the stop sign at the end of our street. He told the cop his mother in law was having stroke like symptoms and he was in a hurry, the cop asked where she lived and in true hubby fashion he couldn't remember the name of the street but told the cop he could follow him and give him the ticket when he got there. I swear, this shit only happens to him! The cop let him go and did not follow**
So anyway, he gets there and she's all upset because she's trying to make a smoothie and she can't do anything. Her hands just won't work. She can't open anything, she can't peel her banana, she has zero strength...AND she's still looking for her missing dog. I called her doctor and they sent us straight to the ER.
This is where the fun begins. I'm going to start, before I lose you in the even longer story, by saying do not be afraid to ask questions, questions and more questions. Do not be afraid to ask for a second or even third opinion. Do not be afraid to second guess what someone tells you. I've always felt that doctors should be trusted. They're human like the rest of us but they're really smart humans that went to school for a really long time. They should know what they're talking about and should be trusted...and I do still believe that...but I also believe that they're only human. They can still make mistakes, they can miss something, they can maybe not feel like dealing with the messy unknown that day. You know yourself and you know your family. Speak up. If you don't like what someone says, if you don't agree with a treatment plan you have EVERY right to say no or to ask for someone else.
So here goes. My mom spent over a week in the hospital. She was admitted February 22nd and released March 1st. I saw her every day, I talked to every doctor. She had an entire team of doctors checking on her. Most of them I felt did a really good job. She had some great nurses, she also had one in particular that she didn't care for. He worked at night and he wasn't as gentle with her while helping her walk to the bathroom. You see during all of this my mom, the same woman that was out closing the bar and dancing the night away just a few weeks before this, could not get out of bed and walk to the bathroom on her own. Even with a team of doctors and every test imaginable we heard the same thing over and over, "we're not sure, we don't know, we're going to run more tests"
Finally, at the end of that week all they could come up with was an autoimmune brain disease. This lead us down the path of needing a rhuematologist. Unfortunately nobody local could see her while in the hospital, they only handle out patient. I asked a lot of questions but even looking back, I should have asked more. I should have pressed more. So many little things were missed, so many things were wrong and while it may not have made a difference, we need to be the voice for ourselves and for those that can't be the voice for themselves.
She was released and put on a hefty dose of steroids. I know from her being on them before that typically it's not long term. They always give you instructions to ween off of them, except this time they didn't.
Now we're home and it took some juggling and some craziness but we have a routine down. She can't be by herself because even though my dad installed hand rails in her bathroom and made it so she can get out of bed on her own, she can't really care for herself. She can't make herself food or get around easily. So at 7am my dad brings her over to my house where she hangs out on my couch coloring and watching tv. I work from home and spend my day running between my phone/computer and her downstairs on my couch. I work until 3:30 and then it's homework and chores and dinner. My dad gets to my house around 6. Sometimes they stay for dinner, sometimes they head home. By the time my dad gets her home and settled it's probably close to 8pm. Needless to say, we're all tired, but we're all doing exactly what she would be doing for any one of us in heart beat. It would never cross my mind to NOT do this.
Our first trip to a rheumatologist was a total waste of time. I'd been warned that the local doctors are just not familiar with these rare diseases but it was the first one we could get in to. We'd tried Cleveland Clinic, OSU even U of M. Everyone had waiting lists...waiting lists that went in to June! This was early March, June seems so far away. The unknown is scary. Feeling like maybe this is the new normal or maybe this is just a chapter in this book that will have a crazy plot twist next month is not a fun place to be. This doctor that we saw hadn't even read her chart before we showed up. She sat with a stack of papers, at least 2 inches thick, and went through them while we were in the office. She kept telling us that nothing appeared to be lupus, which we knew, but I guess because the orders from the primary doctor mentioned lupus that was the only thing she was looking for. She never once mentioned the memory loss. My mom can't remember dates, can't remember the vacation we took last summer, can't remember her own phone number or even her anniversary. She knows her family, she remembers things from high school but couldn't tell you what year it was. At one point towards the end of the appointment she told us she was going to run a few more very specific blood tests but if they were clear we didn't have to come back. I am fairly certain the look on my face was something out of a cartoon. This is a doctor, and not just any doctor, a highly sought after specialist. Here is the woman that is clearly sick and we're telling you that this is not her normal. She might be 65 years old but she is not an old lady. Do not tell me that simply because the test results that we already have copies of from the hospital do not show lupus and shove us out the door.
I do not speak up much, I'm much like my dad and I'm very closed off in a lot of ways. I asked her what we should do if we're not supposed to come back. I asked if she could give her instructions to get her off the steroids since I know the doctors at the hospital put her on them simply as a bandaid to get her home so that rheumatology could take over her care. In a nutshell she told me it wasn't her problem, we'd need to follow up with Neuro and we'd need to talk to the prescribing doctor. It was by far the worst appointment I'd ever been to in my entire life. I'd never left an office feeling like a doctor didn't want to help the way I did that day.
I swear I'm getting to the end of this post, even if you've read this far. It's a lot, I know, and I'm not going to lie it's just as much for me to remember how it all played out.
After that I finally reached out on Facebook. I hadn't posted a whole lot about what was going on but I needed help. I asked if anyone had any kind of a connection because we needed a new doctor, a good doctor, and the idea of waiting another 2 months to see someone made me fall in to a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate. (true story) Among Cthe comments was a friend from high school, she said that she knew someone at OSU and she was willing to see my mom. USE YOUR RESOURCES. So much is about who you know, do not be afraid to ask!! It took some time but I finally managed to get her appointment scheduled (to give you an idea, the first available was June 15th!) however the Dr put a note on the chart approving a bump. We went yesterday. Every person we came in to contact with was so nice. They went over every detail of mom's history, her care, what was going on now, how it all started. They asked a ton of questions. When the Dr came in and was talking to my mom and to us I literally almost cried. I wanted to cry because some of what she was saying was scary shit and because she had been in the room for 10 minutes and had done more than any doctor we'd seen over the last month. We walked out of there with instructions on a second opinion from Neuro (which they've already called and scheduled, we go back on Monday), more blood work, forms on getting details from her other doctors on a previous autoimmune diagnosis...but what the most important thing we walked away with was a feeling of (FINALLY!) not being alone in this.
All of this to say: Fight. Do not accept an answer that does not sit well with you. Do not ignore the voice in your head that tells you there has to be more. There has to be someone that is willing to put in the work and ask the tough questions. Find that doctor. Find that person. It could, frankly, be a matter of life or death.
I am sure I will have more updates, hopefully none quite as long as this, as we walk this very long road.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
To The Little Old Lady at Grocery Store
Thank You.
Thank you for stopping me while I was bagging my groceries to tell me how much you liked my hair, thank you for telling me how beautiful I was when I turned around. That smile, that was genuine.
Unfortunately, I am terrible at accepting compliments, I never know what to say aside from my cheeks turning red and saying Thank You. I assure you though, you made my day.
I'm not going to lie, as a redhead I get comments on my hair all the time, always have. Yes, you'd think I would be used to it after 35 years, I'm not. This was different, and let me tell you my pony tail was not all that fabulous today! This, this was kindness from a lovely older woman that had her own hair perfectly curled and her make-up on and I wish I hadn't been so flustered at the time and could have told her that. I wish I could have told her that she was the sweetest and made this tired on the verge of a nasty cold mom that didn't want to be out of bed much less grocery shopping feel...beautiful. This isn't a search for compliments or looking for "oh of course you are", that's not the point of this post at all. My husband and my friends must abide by the unwritten code of agreeing. This is just a public thank you to a woman I will never see again.
As for everyone else, let's try to be more like that little old lady. Let's try to stop people and compliment their shoes, their hair, their well behaved kids. So many times I will be behind someone at Starbucks or Target (where else would I be?!) and think "wow, they look adorable" but I don't say anything. Why? Why do we keep it to ourselves? Let's share the beauty and share the love, you never know just how much that one little sentence could mean to someone that day.
Thank you for stopping me while I was bagging my groceries to tell me how much you liked my hair, thank you for telling me how beautiful I was when I turned around. That smile, that was genuine.
Unfortunately, I am terrible at accepting compliments, I never know what to say aside from my cheeks turning red and saying Thank You. I assure you though, you made my day.
I'm not going to lie, as a redhead I get comments on my hair all the time, always have. Yes, you'd think I would be used to it after 35 years, I'm not. This was different, and let me tell you my pony tail was not all that fabulous today! This, this was kindness from a lovely older woman that had her own hair perfectly curled and her make-up on and I wish I hadn't been so flustered at the time and could have told her that. I wish I could have told her that she was the sweetest and made this tired on the verge of a nasty cold mom that didn't want to be out of bed much less grocery shopping feel...beautiful. This isn't a search for compliments or looking for "oh of course you are", that's not the point of this post at all. My husband and my friends must abide by the unwritten code of agreeing. This is just a public thank you to a woman I will never see again.
As for everyone else, let's try to be more like that little old lady. Let's try to stop people and compliment their shoes, their hair, their well behaved kids. So many times I will be behind someone at Starbucks or Target (where else would I be?!) and think "wow, they look adorable" but I don't say anything. Why? Why do we keep it to ourselves? Let's share the beauty and share the love, you never know just how much that one little sentence could mean to someone that day.
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Walk down memory lane
Aiden's birthday always makes me think back to when I first found out I was pregnant. We'd been together 3 years, we were living together and even though we hadn't talked about it, I think we both figured this was it. I honestly don't remember what I felt back then. I was happy, I was busy working multiple jobs, I was just enjoying life. What I do remember is buying a test after work and going home to take it. I don't remember which job Jared had at the time but I know he got home really late. I want to say maybe he was baking muffins for Perkins and worked some kind of crazy shift. I know that I set my alarm that night for work and went to bed. When the alarm went off I got out of bed and called off sick, then crawled back in and waited for him to wake up.
When he finally woke up I remember telling him and crying. I didn't know what we'd do or how he'd take it. We were young, we didn't have a plan for the future, we very much lived in the moment. In that moment though, and the following minutes, hours, he showed me just why I fell in love with him. Why it was going to be okay. Why I could spend the rest of my life with him by myside. He pulled me close and kissed my head "why are you crying? Isn't this supposed to be a happy thing?" I laughed and hugged him as tight as I could. From that day on, it was a happy thing.
Our life hasn't always been perfect, we've had our share of ups and downs but we've always had each other. No matter what we always know who has our back. I look at my now teenager and he's so much of the good in both of us. He's kind and considerate, he's loyal and trustworthy, he's funny and sarcastic. He's my baby and he's taught me so much about myself, about the mother I want to be, about the friend I want to be...about the person I want to be.
I can't imagine my life any other way. People say that all the time and it sounds so cliche but it's so true.
Saturday, January 2, 2016
The Resolutions Post
I wasn't going to post anything about resolutions because who wants to read another one of *those* posts.
The thing is, for me, Jan is the first time I can sit and think after my birthday and as I've mentioned before my birthday hit me like a ton of bricks. So, this year I need to make some changes. I need to find ME and find my happy. My life is pretty great already. My kids kind of rock and my husband makes me smile every day. I recently found a quote to my wall that says "I love you and I like you" and I'm struck by just how true that is. So many times the people we love we don't always like...and vice versa. When you find those people that fit both, hold on tight, they're the keepers.
I'm getting off subject here though.
Do you make resolutions? Big ones for the year, little ones for the month? The week?
Right now, I'm trying to focus on eating better. I can't go crazy and deny myself everything (as I sip a glass of wine while writing this) but I need to cut back on the fast food, the crap lunches at work and then lack of water. I hate water so that's a big one.
I also want to do more creative stuff just for fun, not because I'm planning a party (although I do LOVE a party!) but just because I want to create something. Write, use my fancy cameo, scrapbook, take pictures...something. Something, every single day, that is for just me and makes me happy. Tonight, it's this post. I almost went to bed instead...and to be honest, that qualifies as something I love! I love my sleep! BUT, instead, I grabbed my laptop and am sitting on the couch while 2 of my boys watch the old Star Wars movies. This my friends, this is the good stuff.
I suppose I should add "update blog pictures" to the list. My kids are almost 13 and 7.5...although that screaming over Santa's cookies is still one of my favorites!
Happy 2016! Whatever you decide to do this year, I hope you do it...and if you don't, that's okay too. Let's not call them resolutions...how about suggestions? :)
The thing is, for me, Jan is the first time I can sit and think after my birthday and as I've mentioned before my birthday hit me like a ton of bricks. So, this year I need to make some changes. I need to find ME and find my happy. My life is pretty great already. My kids kind of rock and my husband makes me smile every day. I recently found a quote to my wall that says "I love you and I like you" and I'm struck by just how true that is. So many times the people we love we don't always like...and vice versa. When you find those people that fit both, hold on tight, they're the keepers.
I'm getting off subject here though.
Do you make resolutions? Big ones for the year, little ones for the month? The week?
Right now, I'm trying to focus on eating better. I can't go crazy and deny myself everything (as I sip a glass of wine while writing this) but I need to cut back on the fast food, the crap lunches at work and then lack of water. I hate water so that's a big one.
I also want to do more creative stuff just for fun, not because I'm planning a party (although I do LOVE a party!) but just because I want to create something. Write, use my fancy cameo, scrapbook, take pictures...something. Something, every single day, that is for just me and makes me happy. Tonight, it's this post. I almost went to bed instead...and to be honest, that qualifies as something I love! I love my sleep! BUT, instead, I grabbed my laptop and am sitting on the couch while 2 of my boys watch the old Star Wars movies. This my friends, this is the good stuff.
I suppose I should add "update blog pictures" to the list. My kids are almost 13 and 7.5...although that screaming over Santa's cookies is still one of my favorites!
Happy 2016! Whatever you decide to do this year, I hope you do it...and if you don't, that's okay too. Let's not call them resolutions...how about suggestions? :)
Friday, January 1, 2016
Facebook Haters
**this post was saved as a draft in June of 2014.**
All the time we hear about how annoying Facebook his, how people complain or post too many pictures of their kids, their husbands, their pets...whatever it is. I'm guilty of this, some people are just annoying and usually that means that I block their posts or delete them all together. Why? Because they're not my real life friends, most of my real life friends don't post annoying shit...but then again, sometimes they do. Ya know what? Who cares.
Most people post about what is going on in their lives right now. Yea, someone may post too much about their kids, their "amazing" significant other, their pets, school work, complaining about work...but it's what is going on RIGHT NOW, what else would you have them say? Some are fake and we know they're fake, we know your husband isn't that amazing and we know your kids fight just as much as ours do but whatever. It is what it is and so why sit around bitching and moaning that this person complains about work all.the.time and that person posts way too much about their crappy college courses. I'm sure I post too many pictures of my kids (lies, my kids are freaking cute, I know) but ya know what? That's my life right now and I'm not going to apologize for it.
The Facebook haters are just as annoying as those that post all those things we find so annoying. Newsflash, Facebook is annoying. It is. We have over 100, 200, 300+ friends, we talk to maybe 10 of them on a regular basis and probably want to actually hang out with even less. We're nosy and we want to know if that person we went to highschool with got fat, if that ex boyfriend married the girl he cheated on us with, if your best friend from when you were 6 is still a brat. The internet is a magical wonderful place, perfect for pissing us off and finding fault in everyone else while we sit around convinced that we can't possibly be *that* annoying. But we probably are.
I've said that if I would run down a different aisle at the grocery store to avoid you (come on, you know you've done it!) then I don't want you on my friend list. It's true. Why am I going to share my day to day annoying life with people that I wouldn't want to say hi to if I bumped in to them in person? It doesn't make sense!
**a year and a half later and I still delete people I wouldn't say hi to at the grocery store or I just don't accept their friend request to begin with.
All the time we hear about how annoying Facebook his, how people complain or post too many pictures of their kids, their husbands, their pets...whatever it is. I'm guilty of this, some people are just annoying and usually that means that I block their posts or delete them all together. Why? Because they're not my real life friends, most of my real life friends don't post annoying shit...but then again, sometimes they do. Ya know what? Who cares.
Most people post about what is going on in their lives right now. Yea, someone may post too much about their kids, their "amazing" significant other, their pets, school work, complaining about work...but it's what is going on RIGHT NOW, what else would you have them say? Some are fake and we know they're fake, we know your husband isn't that amazing and we know your kids fight just as much as ours do but whatever. It is what it is and so why sit around bitching and moaning that this person complains about work all.the.time and that person posts way too much about their crappy college courses. I'm sure I post too many pictures of my kids (lies, my kids are freaking cute, I know) but ya know what? That's my life right now and I'm not going to apologize for it.
The Facebook haters are just as annoying as those that post all those things we find so annoying. Newsflash, Facebook is annoying. It is. We have over 100, 200, 300+ friends, we talk to maybe 10 of them on a regular basis and probably want to actually hang out with even less. We're nosy and we want to know if that person we went to highschool with got fat, if that ex boyfriend married the girl he cheated on us with, if your best friend from when you were 6 is still a brat. The internet is a magical wonderful place, perfect for pissing us off and finding fault in everyone else while we sit around convinced that we can't possibly be *that* annoying. But we probably are.
I've said that if I would run down a different aisle at the grocery store to avoid you (come on, you know you've done it!) then I don't want you on my friend list. It's true. Why am I going to share my day to day annoying life with people that I wouldn't want to say hi to if I bumped in to them in person? It doesn't make sense!
**a year and a half later and I still delete people I wouldn't say hi to at the grocery store or I just don't accept their friend request to begin with.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
For me
I was going to go back and remove old posts since this blog is terribly outdated but I'm not. I don't really care about the old posts. They all applied to whatever was happening in my life at the time and they can stay. I'm pretty sure nobody actually reads this and that's okay too. I just like to write. I like to write about all the things rattling around in my head that don't always make sense. I like to write about the random things my kids say, the things I wish I could say but don't, the good and the bad. I just like to write. I may not do it well, I may not be a facebook internet sensation and I may be the only one that reads any of it...but that's okay.
Here, this is my place. This is the place where I can just do or say whatever I want and I'm not answering anyone. I'm not out to impress anyone, I'm not worrying that someone will judge me. If they do, too bad, get out of my space.
My space.
Just me.
Me and many stories about my kids and my husband because let's face it. I can only write so much about myself without them. Me, Myself, and I. We're not all that entertaining and even though it's just me here, I still like to be entertained.
Here, this is my place. This is the place where I can just do or say whatever I want and I'm not answering anyone. I'm not out to impress anyone, I'm not worrying that someone will judge me. If they do, too bad, get out of my space.
My space.
Just me.
Me and many stories about my kids and my husband because let's face it. I can only write so much about myself without them. Me, Myself, and I. We're not all that entertaining and even though it's just me here, I still like to be entertained.
Thirteen
It's Christmas night.
Thirteen years ago was my due date with Aiden. I had just turned 22 and even though I was going to have a baby any day, I still knew nothing. I did know that he (although at the time I didn't even know he was a he!) wasn't coming that night. Call it mother's intuition or call it just being stubborn, I had plans and we were following through. We spent the morning with my parents and then headed to see Jared's family. It was snowing but it was only a 45 minute drive and we were staying over. No big deal. Both sides tried to convince us that we shouldn't go but we did anyway and it's a good thing since Aiden decided to wait another 2 weeks before making is grand entrance in to the world.
Now...now it's Christmas night 2015 and I'm sitting here going through a baby book, looking at pictures of the day my now almost teenager was born. I.have.a.teen.ager. Let that sink in.
I. Have. A. Teen. Ager. Well, in 2 weeks I will.
I just turned 35 last month and I had a really hard time with it. I didn't think I would. 25 was fine, 30 was easy...but 35? Fuck, 35 was rough. I can't say why exactly, maybe it's because I knew that it wasn't just a milestone for me. If I'm getting older these little humans that live with me and depend on me are getting older too.
So here I am. I'd love to say that I'm 35 and I'm in the best shape of my life and exactly where I'm supposed to be. You know, one of those uplifting posts that gets shared all over facebook. The truth is, I'm probably in the worst shape of my life, I'm kind of in this weird place where I'm just not sure what I'm doing and damnit, my kids are growing up too damn fast!
Thirteen years ago I didn't know much and I didn't think much beyond getting through the whole birth part of having a baby. Now...now I still don't know much but all I think about are the what ifs, the am I doing this whole parenting thing right, the questions...endless questions about what the hell I am doing in this big bad world of trying to help raise respectable young men while at the same time wanting them to be themselves. That shit is scary. Teenagers are scary!
For the next few weeks if you see me randomly tear up...or if I seem to be drinking even more wine than usual, you'll know why.
In the meantime...I have an epic birthday party that needs to be planned. Thirteen is big...and as such, must be celebrated to the fullest extent of my ability. And my wallet.
Thirteen years ago was my due date with Aiden. I had just turned 22 and even though I was going to have a baby any day, I still knew nothing. I did know that he (although at the time I didn't even know he was a he!) wasn't coming that night. Call it mother's intuition or call it just being stubborn, I had plans and we were following through. We spent the morning with my parents and then headed to see Jared's family. It was snowing but it was only a 45 minute drive and we were staying over. No big deal. Both sides tried to convince us that we shouldn't go but we did anyway and it's a good thing since Aiden decided to wait another 2 weeks before making is grand entrance in to the world.
Now...now it's Christmas night 2015 and I'm sitting here going through a baby book, looking at pictures of the day my now almost teenager was born. I.have.a.teen.ager. Let that sink in.
I. Have. A. Teen. Ager. Well, in 2 weeks I will.
I just turned 35 last month and I had a really hard time with it. I didn't think I would. 25 was fine, 30 was easy...but 35? Fuck, 35 was rough. I can't say why exactly, maybe it's because I knew that it wasn't just a milestone for me. If I'm getting older these little humans that live with me and depend on me are getting older too.
So here I am. I'd love to say that I'm 35 and I'm in the best shape of my life and exactly where I'm supposed to be. You know, one of those uplifting posts that gets shared all over facebook. The truth is, I'm probably in the worst shape of my life, I'm kind of in this weird place where I'm just not sure what I'm doing and damnit, my kids are growing up too damn fast!
Thirteen years ago I didn't know much and I didn't think much beyond getting through the whole birth part of having a baby. Now...now I still don't know much but all I think about are the what ifs, the am I doing this whole parenting thing right, the questions...endless questions about what the hell I am doing in this big bad world of trying to help raise respectable young men while at the same time wanting them to be themselves. That shit is scary. Teenagers are scary!
For the next few weeks if you see me randomly tear up...or if I seem to be drinking even more wine than usual, you'll know why.
In the meantime...I have an epic birthday party that needs to be planned. Thirteen is big...and as such, must be celebrated to the fullest extent of my ability. And my wallet.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Perspective
The kids had a long weekend with no school Friday or Monday, you know because all those snow days didn't give them enough days off. Really?! Anyway we took them to Kalahari for a night, I had to pick them up early on Thursday and they had to miss their Valentines Day parties but it was the only way to make it worth it. Even with the deal rooms were expensive and I wanted to be able to take full advantage of the waterpark. Of course, as it always happens, we were running late and missed a good 3 hours of swim time.
The park was nice, only one area was really warm though. The water near the slides for my 5 year old was really kind of chilly. The hot tubs were nice but the swim up bar was under construction while we were there. The little guy was just done by Friday afternoon and ended up playing his DS rather then even swimming.
The kids really liked the arcade but it was expensive and we spent way more then I would have liked for them to pick out some crappy candy and dollar store toys. Oh and the air hockey table lacked air. wth!?
We only stayed the one night and came home on Friday which also happened to be Valentines Day. We were all tired so no fun themed dinners for us. HH and I don't really celebrate anyway but I couldn't help but be jealous of all the posts on Facebook with steak dinners, flowers and cupcakes. I made a heart themed breakfast on Saturday and gave the boys their little treats I'd picked up for them.
We headed out to grab a coffee and walk around the mall, I wanted to find jeans and had no luck. I never have luck, I'm going to wear baggy jeans that don't fit forever.
We got to dinner and it was delicious even if they were out of the dinner HH wanted and the drink I was told I *had* to try. Overall it was a pretty nice night but all things must come to an end. The eldest child has been fighting us every step of the way on finishing a paper that is due tomorrow. It's going to be a long Monday off!
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It's a long weekend for the kids, no school on Friday OR today! Thursday they had their Valentines parties but since we were leaving for Kalahari I gave them the option of staying for the party or leaving early. They eagerly chose to leave early and luckily HH has a pretty flexible schedule and we could do that. Kalahari was great, the kids had an absolute blast and we went with our friends and their kids so everyone, even the adults, had someone to hang out and swim with. Win Win for everyone involved! Ian absolutely loved the big wave pool which worked out b/c it was also the warmest area aside from the hot tubs (omg, hot tubs! I can't wait to go back and take advantage of the swim up bar when they're finished with the expansion!) Aiden had a blast on all of the crazy big slides, especially the "toilet bowl", I barely saw him while inside the park! This was his birthday present and I'd say it went over pretty well :) We checked in around 3 and hit the park until dinner and then headed back down once our friends arrived for another few hours before closing. Friday we were able to stay and swim some more, eat lunch and do the arcade before heading home. Ian was exhausted by that point so it was the perfect amount of time for us.
Friday was Valentines Day but we were SO tired we just hung out and played games, watched tv and were generally lazy. It was kind of fabulous. Saturday morning I did give the boys their little treats and made a themed breakfast.
When we got back out to the car we still had time to kill, so what else to do...but make out in the car like teenagers. If you haven't done this with your husband, I highly recommend it. Sometimes it's fun to just pretend like you're young and in love and can't keep your hands off each other ;)
Dinner was ah.ma.zing. So so good, everything we tried. We still have another gift card to use (that they were kind enough to replace since I'm pretty sure I accidentally threw ours away while cleaning out my car. yea. whoops!) so I can't wait to try more of the menu. It was the perfect date night, I think sometimes that unplanned nights are so much better then the ones I try to figure out down to the last detail. We slept in on Sunday, I picked the kids up and then headed out for my first ever Bunco. Fun times my friends, fun times!
We're ending the weekend with homework and chores, time to get back to real life but it sure was nice to put it on hold for the weekend.
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So the above are two recaps of the exact same weekend. Life is all about what you choose to focus on. If you focus on all the things that went wrong, you're going to miss all the things around you that are just right. The second recap is exactly how I see the weekend. I could have easily let all the things that didn't go smoothly ruin my weekend but I chose not to.
Choose to be happy. Choose to see the good in what is around you, even when things aren't going exactly the way you'd like.
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| The card from our 11 year old. Yea, awwwww. |
Friday, May 31, 2013
A month has gone by
Wow, I'm not sure where the month of May went. I swear it was just here but in a few short hours it'll be June 1st.School is out and we're home from our mini family vacation to Great Wolf Lodge. I'll be posting a full review with all of my budget tips soon. I want to put all the things I wanted to know on my blog for others to find, Pinterest is great, but even it couldn't answer some of my questions. Shocking, I know.
In other news...well, there's just not much. Maybe that's how I missed the month of May. We were busy going through the motions of day to day life and that's not exactly exciting blog material.
I have a little man that's turning 5 and I have one week to get his birthday party put together. It's going to be crazy and I hope I'll blog about it...but you know, I don't think I've blogged about the Nerf party for the 10 year old that happened in January. Hmmm.
A friend of mine, over at Chatter From a Single Mom, is doing 30 Thing My Kid Should Know About Me. I think it's a pretty cool idea for when I have nothing else to write about and might start it. Maybe. But you know, I'm the master of starting things I don't finish.
Hmmm, this was a terribly boring post but I'm going to publish it anyway so that it can't be added to the list of things I don't finish. :)
Monday, April 1, 2013
Be the mom you want to be
There has been a lot of talk lately about how out of control the holidays are "these days" (gah, I feel so old saying that!) While part of me agrees, part of me feels like people claim that they think it's over the top and ridiculous to make themselves feel better for being lazy.There needs to be a happy medium and I think we've done a pretty decent job with our kids at finding it. I dye food to match the holiday, pink milk for Valentines Day, green eggs for St Patty's day etc. It's fun, the kids get a kick out of it and really? It takes me 30 seconds to do it. It's really not that hard and it's not over the top. We bake cookies at Christmas and I make a big deal out of decorating them, I love Christmas and having tons of gifts under the tree. Do I think I need to have a leprechaun that shows up and hides gold or some weird elf that I need to move every night for a month? Um, no. I will embrace my absentmindness and tell you that I'd never remember to move that damn elf the way I'm supposed to.
If you're lazy and you don't want to celebrate the little holidays (or even the big ones), or even if you're not lazy but you simply don't care and don't want to do it and it's not your thing...then embrace it. Admit it. Say "you know what, I don't care. My kids aren't going to end up in therapy because I didn't put dye in their milk or because I think they should only have 3 gifts on Christmas" I'm fine with that.
What I'm not fine with is making us that want to do those goofy little things or make a big deal out of the bigs things out to be the bad guys. Don't blame us for the holiday being commercialized to make yourself feel better because you've decided your kids are too old for the Easter bunny and Santa Claus. If you think your kids are too old, fine, they're your kids...but you know what? My kids will be in college and I'll still be hiding Easter baskets for them and signing gifts from Santa...and I'm okay with that because that's the mom I want to be.
There are some aspects that I get annoyed with along with everyone else. I hate that Christmas shows up before Halloween, it drives me batty when holidays turn in to a game of one upping each other and bratty kids are the worst. Easter is not Christmas and I don't treat it as such. My kids get a reasonable basket with candy and some toys, usually things they're going to need for summer anyway but they love it! I hope I'm the mom that can still do all the fun things I want to do and yet teach my kids to be thankful for what they have, to realize that they have more then some and less then others and to be okay with that.
Just as we're raising kids that we hope we can be proud of, I hope we're also being the parents we (and our kids!) can be proud of. When my boys are off with families of their own I want them to say things like "every year my mom used to make the coolest food on Halloween" or "oh yea, I have the best memories from the birthday parties I had growing up". And it's not just about the holidays/special occasions, it's about making the memories year round. I've been told by friends that it always looks like I'm doing something fun with my kids. Guess what? I'm not. There are plenty of days that we're lazy or that we spend the day doing one boring chore after another...but those other times? The trips to the zoo, the painting, the road trips, the swimming or picnics in the park...those are the things that will stick out when they're grown with their own kids. What do you remember about your childhood? What do you hope your kids will remember? For me, I remember the walks to the park, the walks around the neighborhood ( when your mom doesn't drive you do a lot of walking), the sleepovers with friends, the parties during the summer, family dinners during the holidays and camping! I hope my kids look back and remember having FUN, remember family traditions and smile a little when something like the smell of a campfire triggers a memory.
I'm not the mom everyone wants to be, I'm probably the complete opposite of some but I'm the mom *I* want to be...or at least I'm trying to be.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Stop fighting who you are
In this land of pinterest and facebook I feel like everyone is driven to be "that" mom or wife or daughter. The one that remembers every holiday or special event and has a card ready to go, the one that has adorable little treats all made up for every kid in the class, the one that has a perfectly organized home office, regular office, kitchen and playroom.
I'm so NOT that girl.
I'm the one that didn't even get Christmas cards in the mail this year, still has gifts for friends that aren't.even.wrapped! I have cards that rarely make it in to the mail. My desk has shit all over it, all.the.time. It just does. Papers, pictures, toys, the kids school stuff, coupons. It's all here. It's chaos.
It's MY chaos.
Here's where I stop trying to fight who I am. Stop trying to fit in to some little box that Pinterest and Facebook say I should fit in to. First of all, I'd like to see you try to find a box for my ass, it's not happening. Second and more importantly, why should I beat myself up over the fact that my desk is a mess, my playroom looks *gasp* like it's been played in or that the boys bathroom always *ALWAYS* has toys in the bathtub. Here's the thing about me, I'm very VERY much out of sight, out of mind. If I neatly file a bill away in my "to pay later" file, I don't get it out until it's way past due. (are you shaking your head yes yet? I'll bet you are!) If my kids bring home a paper that needs signed I must sign it right then and there or else I will totally forget. As soon as I clean off my desk and make it all organized and pretty and "presentable" I can't find something I need and I have to dig through all that organized nonsense to find it.
I recently cleaned out my disaster area of a pantry, when we first moved in I had it all organized and everything had a home. It was fabulous. Until it wasn't.
It's organized chaos which is exactly what I need to function on a day to day basis. Cute little storage boxes and places to hide things away b/c ohmahgawd people might SEE, it doesn't work for me. I will forget what is in those cute little boxes and then really? What's the point.
And for the record, I have nothing against those that are supremely organized and everything has it's place tucked away inside some perfectly matched little storage cube. I'm just not going to fight myself to be that person.
I'm so NOT that girl.
I'm the one that didn't even get Christmas cards in the mail this year, still has gifts for friends that aren't.even.wrapped! I have cards that rarely make it in to the mail. My desk has shit all over it, all.the.time. It just does. Papers, pictures, toys, the kids school stuff, coupons. It's all here. It's chaos.
It's MY chaos.
Here's where I stop trying to fight who I am. Stop trying to fit in to some little box that Pinterest and Facebook say I should fit in to. First of all, I'd like to see you try to find a box for my ass, it's not happening. Second and more importantly, why should I beat myself up over the fact that my desk is a mess, my playroom looks *gasp* like it's been played in or that the boys bathroom always *ALWAYS* has toys in the bathtub. Here's the thing about me, I'm very VERY much out of sight, out of mind. If I neatly file a bill away in my "to pay later" file, I don't get it out until it's way past due. (are you shaking your head yes yet? I'll bet you are!) If my kids bring home a paper that needs signed I must sign it right then and there or else I will totally forget. As soon as I clean off my desk and make it all organized and pretty and "presentable" I can't find something I need and I have to dig through all that organized nonsense to find it.
I recently cleaned out my disaster area of a pantry, when we first moved in I had it all organized and everything had a home. It was fabulous. Until it wasn't.
Yikes!
So I emptied it out and started over. I found all kinds of random crap I bought for recipes and then promptly forgot all about. The key? I must be able to see everything, at all times. So while there appears to be a lot of wasted space, it works b/c it's organized AND I can see where everything is. I kind of love it. Probably more then I should. 
It's organized chaos which is exactly what I need to function on a day to day basis. Cute little storage boxes and places to hide things away b/c ohmahgawd people might SEE, it doesn't work for me. I will forget what is in those cute little boxes and then really? What's the point.
And for the record, I have nothing against those that are supremely organized and everything has it's place tucked away inside some perfectly matched little storage cube. I'm just not going to fight myself to be that person.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Get Dressed!
As most of you know I'm a WAHM...which really, is such a stupid term. All moms work at home even if it's not where they collect their paycheck. Anyway, point being is that I run two businesses. I'm a Premier Designs jewelry lady and part owner of the amazing and fabulous Love Knots Photography.
Now before you get all ohhh ahhh over the fact that I can set my hours, work when I want to and when I don't want to, sleep until 12pm and work until 3am...let's be realistic. I have 2 kids, 2 cats and a husband. I fit work in between laundry, dishes, carting kids from one friends house or activity to another and playing peace keeper. Is this still a pretty sweet deal? Of course it is but it's HARD. It's hard to keep the distractions to a minimum when I have things to do. It's hard to force myself to work on marketing research, catalog labels and customer calls rather then sitting around with a cup of coffee and chatting with my friends abut couponing (which is pretty awesome, btw) and Game of Thrones (also awesome).
So for those of you that might read this and are thinking I'm crazy and I should just shut my fat face for complaining about the fact that I don't have to report to a shitty office 8 hours a day. I get it, I do. I'm super lucky in that I have the opportunities I do and that my husband 100% supports me even though it's putting a serious crimp in his beer brewing hobby (hello budget 2013!). HOWEVER, there are plenty of times that I wish I had the structure of working hours.
Which brings me to the point of this (so far) pointless post! Yep, I do have a point, I swear. Here are a few things that work for me but I've been seriously slacking on in the working at home arena:
1. Set work hours. Don't make them ridiculous, be realistic. On Tuesday and Thursdays I have no kids from 9am-3pm (so really 9:30-2:30 with drop off/pick up). Am I going to sit down and work for those 6 hours? Um, probably not. I'm realistic and I know I'm going to catch up with friends, have coffee, play on Facebook and maybe throw a load of laundry in. Instead my goal is to make a list of what needs accomplished in those hours and DO IT (no, blogging was not on the list for today, but whatever)
2. Get dressed. It's hard to feel like a professional while sitting at your desk or on your couch in PJ's. Don't do that. In my case I need to shower, get dressed, put some make up on and put my jewelry on. How we feel about ourselves reflects in how we talk to people. I hate the phone, I hate calling people more then anything else and it's 100x worse if I'm in lazy mode. This also means I appreciate those lazy days when I don't have to be dressed even more.
3. Put the phone away. If you are constantly attached to your phone (GUILTY!!!) I've found that you're more likely to put things off. How many times have you read an email when you're in the middle of something else and then you forget to reply? Come on, you know you have. I do it all.the.time. It's not at all intentional, I'm better off if I wait for my work hours to sit down and read my work emails and then reply to them all at once.
4. We're not that busy. Everyone has their own definition of "busy" and we all get so caught up in what we have going on but the fact is...we're not that busy. Stop playing the busy card, stop acting like nobody else can possibly understand what is going on with your life b/c it's SOOOO busy. It's life. Make the time for work, make the time for FUN, make the time to visit with friends, sip a cup of coffee or set up that playdate your kid has been begging for.
Like I said, these are ALL things I need to work on but I figure if I need to work on them someone else out there may need to as well.
Now I shall return to my regularly scheduled work hours!
Now before you get all ohhh ahhh over the fact that I can set my hours, work when I want to and when I don't want to, sleep until 12pm and work until 3am...let's be realistic. I have 2 kids, 2 cats and a husband. I fit work in between laundry, dishes, carting kids from one friends house or activity to another and playing peace keeper. Is this still a pretty sweet deal? Of course it is but it's HARD. It's hard to keep the distractions to a minimum when I have things to do. It's hard to force myself to work on marketing research, catalog labels and customer calls rather then sitting around with a cup of coffee and chatting with my friends abut couponing (which is pretty awesome, btw) and Game of Thrones (also awesome).
So for those of you that might read this and are thinking I'm crazy and I should just shut my fat face for complaining about the fact that I don't have to report to a shitty office 8 hours a day. I get it, I do. I'm super lucky in that I have the opportunities I do and that my husband 100% supports me even though it's putting a serious crimp in his beer brewing hobby (hello budget 2013!). HOWEVER, there are plenty of times that I wish I had the structure of working hours.
Which brings me to the point of this (so far) pointless post! Yep, I do have a point, I swear. Here are a few things that work for me but I've been seriously slacking on in the working at home arena:
1. Set work hours. Don't make them ridiculous, be realistic. On Tuesday and Thursdays I have no kids from 9am-3pm (so really 9:30-2:30 with drop off/pick up). Am I going to sit down and work for those 6 hours? Um, probably not. I'm realistic and I know I'm going to catch up with friends, have coffee, play on Facebook and maybe throw a load of laundry in. Instead my goal is to make a list of what needs accomplished in those hours and DO IT (no, blogging was not on the list for today, but whatever)
2. Get dressed. It's hard to feel like a professional while sitting at your desk or on your couch in PJ's. Don't do that. In my case I need to shower, get dressed, put some make up on and put my jewelry on. How we feel about ourselves reflects in how we talk to people. I hate the phone, I hate calling people more then anything else and it's 100x worse if I'm in lazy mode. This also means I appreciate those lazy days when I don't have to be dressed even more.
3. Put the phone away. If you are constantly attached to your phone (GUILTY!!!) I've found that you're more likely to put things off. How many times have you read an email when you're in the middle of something else and then you forget to reply? Come on, you know you have. I do it all.the.time. It's not at all intentional, I'm better off if I wait for my work hours to sit down and read my work emails and then reply to them all at once.
4. We're not that busy. Everyone has their own definition of "busy" and we all get so caught up in what we have going on but the fact is...we're not that busy. Stop playing the busy card, stop acting like nobody else can possibly understand what is going on with your life b/c it's SOOOO busy. It's life. Make the time for work, make the time for FUN, make the time to visit with friends, sip a cup of coffee or set up that playdate your kid has been begging for.
Like I said, these are ALL things I need to work on but I figure if I need to work on them someone else out there may need to as well.
Now I shall return to my regularly scheduled work hours!
Monday, January 14, 2013
It's not about a number
It's a new year which means RESOLUTIONS!
No, not really. Not for this girl.
That being said the husband and I are trying to curb our weight gain. It's getting out of control and the fact is we are the only ones that have control over it. I like food so I'm not dieting, I'm not giving up my coffee or my chocolate. I'm not going to start some kind of crazy diet like I thought I was going to. I'm just going to try to get my shit together, stop shoving my face with crap whenever it's near me and get active.
I spent this morning writing goals on post it notes and putting them around my monitor to remind myself why I need to work hard and to not let the little things get me down. If I eat chocolate that doesn't mean I should follow it up with ice cream for dinner and a cheeseburger for dessert. It means I ate chocolate and damn was it good. If I mess up a customer order it doesn't mean I suck as a jewelry lady and should throw in the towel. It means I apologize and I work harder next time to make things right. I am my own worst enemy and it needs to stop at some point.
I was going through old pictures, trying to find one that would be a good goal. One where I remember feeling awesome about myself. One where I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I looked hot. One where I wasn't scrutinizing the picture for every out of place roll.
I couldn't find one. Not ONE!
I went back to before Ian was born, I didn't gain a ton with Aiden and I was back in my size 6-8 dress pants by the time I went back to work 6 weeks after he was born. I was the girl everyone hates. I was also 22. I'm not 22 now, I'm 32 and I'm pushing a size 16. I'm heavier then I have ever been in my entire life INCLUDING pregnancy. That's a scary and sobering thought for me....BUT I'm realizing that it's not about what size pants I fit in to. Even looking back at those pictures when I was rolling around on a beach and drinking margaritas on a girls trip...I still distinctly remember hating how I looked in a swim suit, hating that my clothes felt just a little too tight. Today? Today I would LOVE to fit in to that same swim suit. It's not about what size is on the back of my pants, it's about my mental state of mind. It's about how I FEEL when I look in the mirror. At some point I have to start loving the woman I've become, embracing the rolls my children (and my addiction to chocolate and peanut butter anything...and wine...and margaritas) have given me and do my best to just be healthy, be happy and rock my curves.
No, not really. Not for this girl.
That being said the husband and I are trying to curb our weight gain. It's getting out of control and the fact is we are the only ones that have control over it. I like food so I'm not dieting, I'm not giving up my coffee or my chocolate. I'm not going to start some kind of crazy diet like I thought I was going to. I'm just going to try to get my shit together, stop shoving my face with crap whenever it's near me and get active.
I spent this morning writing goals on post it notes and putting them around my monitor to remind myself why I need to work hard and to not let the little things get me down. If I eat chocolate that doesn't mean I should follow it up with ice cream for dinner and a cheeseburger for dessert. It means I ate chocolate and damn was it good. If I mess up a customer order it doesn't mean I suck as a jewelry lady and should throw in the towel. It means I apologize and I work harder next time to make things right. I am my own worst enemy and it needs to stop at some point.
I was going through old pictures, trying to find one that would be a good goal. One where I remember feeling awesome about myself. One where I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I looked hot. One where I wasn't scrutinizing the picture for every out of place roll.
I couldn't find one. Not ONE!
I went back to before Ian was born, I didn't gain a ton with Aiden and I was back in my size 6-8 dress pants by the time I went back to work 6 weeks after he was born. I was the girl everyone hates. I was also 22. I'm not 22 now, I'm 32 and I'm pushing a size 16. I'm heavier then I have ever been in my entire life INCLUDING pregnancy. That's a scary and sobering thought for me....BUT I'm realizing that it's not about what size pants I fit in to. Even looking back at those pictures when I was rolling around on a beach and drinking margaritas on a girls trip...I still distinctly remember hating how I looked in a swim suit, hating that my clothes felt just a little too tight. Today? Today I would LOVE to fit in to that same swim suit. It's not about what size is on the back of my pants, it's about my mental state of mind. It's about how I FEEL when I look in the mirror. At some point I have to start loving the woman I've become, embracing the rolls my children (and my addiction to chocolate and peanut butter anything...and wine...and margaritas) have given me and do my best to just be healthy, be happy and rock my curves.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Political Stance
No, not mine. This is straight from the 9 year old that knows it all.
Husband was showing the boys pictures of Mars, explaining to them how they managed to get said pictures and how cool it was. There were a lot of ohhs and ahhs even though I'm sure they didn't totally understand what he was talking about.
Husband was showing the boys pictures of Mars, explaining to them how they managed to get said pictures and how cool it was. There were a lot of ohhs and ahhs even though I'm sure they didn't totally understand what he was talking about.
A: So it's a robot?!
H: Yea, just like you're building in Lego League
A: REALLY?!
H: Yea, it's the same basic concept.
A: We can't send OUR robot to MARS!!
H: Well, no.
A: Where are the aliens?
H: They haven't found aliens
A: I wish they would, that would be so cool
H: Me too
I: ALIENS!!!!!
A: Then we could send Mitt Romney
H: What? What does Romney have to do with aliens?
A: Then we could send him to mars so the aliens could eat him.
H: ::turning to me:: Are you hearing this?
I just pulled the covers back over my head and giggled. Ah, kids. Never a dull moment
Monday, October 8, 2012
Work From Home Mom
I'm pretty sure anyone reading this already knows that I work from home. I've been working from home since December of 2008. First for another company and now for my own company(ies). In so many ways it.is.awesome. I mean, who doesn't want to work with a glass of wine or be able to decide when everything gets done. I'm the only person I have to answer to. (Well, and my kick ass business partner...and my clients.)
The problem? I have myself to answer to. I'm really really hard on myself and it puts me in to this funk I struggle to get out of. Recently it's been over money the lack of it and it's made things worse. To the point that I just wasn't getting anything done because I had a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where things would all work out. They always work out, I know this, but for the last several weeks I couldn't SEE it.
Another big issues is that you can't leave your feelings, your mood, your bad day or whatever it is that's bothering you at the door and just work. The laundry is still there, the dishes need done, games of candy land need played and it's all pulling me in 1400 different directions. Days like that I wish I could get in my car at 8am and drive to an office and leave everything else behind and actually be forced to do ONLY work. I know, if you're sitting in an office reading this you're thinking I'm fucking crazy...but I'm not, I swear. I'm not saying I want to work a job with regular hours any time soon...I don't. I have zero desire to punch a time clock. I just sometimes miss the structure and as crazy as it sounds, the fear of letting someone else down. Okay, maybe I lied, maybe I am crazy.
I woke up today after a LOT of soul searching, thinking, talking and I'm feeling better. I've learned some things recently that I don't love but weighed against what I do love...and knowing where my heart is, I'm good. I'm confident in where I am...and now I just need to find a way to leave everything else at the door so I can enjoy the rewards of working from home. It's kind of an evil cycle.
The problem? I have myself to answer to. I'm really really hard on myself and it puts me in to this funk I struggle to get out of. Recently it's been over money the lack of it and it's made things worse. To the point that I just wasn't getting anything done because I had a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where things would all work out. They always work out, I know this, but for the last several weeks I couldn't SEE it.
Another big issues is that you can't leave your feelings, your mood, your bad day or whatever it is that's bothering you at the door and just work. The laundry is still there, the dishes need done, games of candy land need played and it's all pulling me in 1400 different directions. Days like that I wish I could get in my car at 8am and drive to an office and leave everything else behind and actually be forced to do ONLY work. I know, if you're sitting in an office reading this you're thinking I'm fucking crazy...but I'm not, I swear. I'm not saying I want to work a job with regular hours any time soon...I don't. I have zero desire to punch a time clock. I just sometimes miss the structure and as crazy as it sounds, the fear of letting someone else down. Okay, maybe I lied, maybe I am crazy.
I woke up today after a LOT of soul searching, thinking, talking and I'm feeling better. I've learned some things recently that I don't love but weighed against what I do love...and knowing where my heart is, I'm good. I'm confident in where I am...and now I just need to find a way to leave everything else at the door so I can enjoy the rewards of working from home. It's kind of an evil cycle.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Men are not children
Now stop rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself "who are you kidding, of course they are"
Please, please PLEASE stop acting as if men are infants and need us women to swoop in and save them from themselves. Just STOP.
I have two children that I'm responsible for. I make sure they eat their vegetables, have clean clothes, get enough sleep and are taken care of. I also have a husband. I cook meals, I wash clothes, I clean the house and I ask if he's okay or if he needs anything. I'm generally pretty considerate and thoughtful, it's in my nature. However, I do not baby him. I am NOT his mother, I am his wife. It's not up to me to determine if he's getting enough sleep, if he needs to change out of his work clothes before going to throw a football with the boys, if he's going to be late for work or if he needs a specific shirt clean for the next day.
Guess what? He's a grown up, just like me. I'm perfectly capable of getting up on my own, making sure my own clothes are clean and deciding what I'm going to eat for lunch. I don't need someone to remind me of these things. I can't handle when women act as if their husbands are helpless and can't do things for themselves. It drives me bat shit crazy and we all know I don't need any help in the crazy department. I've always been this way, I remember getting SO mad at my mom because everything seemed to revolve around my dad. Now, don't get me wrong, my parents have a marriage that works for them and I won't judge. Or, I'll try not to anyway, it's just not for ME and I have a hard time understanding why anyone that's been married in the last decade feels like they must baby the poor confused man in their life. He's not confused, he's just going to let you do everything for him because hey, why the hell not?!
So help me if my boys ever get to a point where they forget how to do dishes, wash clothes or pick up after themselves. You'd better believe I will march my ass over to their house and I will not be there to clean up after them. I'll be there to take their wives out for drinks while they figure out how to fend of themselves.
Ladies, please, stop acting as if these men need you to fix everything for them and make all of the decisions for them. They don't. You can be a good wife and a good mother but you need to find that middle ground in between the two.
Please, please PLEASE stop acting as if men are infants and need us women to swoop in and save them from themselves. Just STOP.
I have two children that I'm responsible for. I make sure they eat their vegetables, have clean clothes, get enough sleep and are taken care of. I also have a husband. I cook meals, I wash clothes, I clean the house and I ask if he's okay or if he needs anything. I'm generally pretty considerate and thoughtful, it's in my nature. However, I do not baby him. I am NOT his mother, I am his wife. It's not up to me to determine if he's getting enough sleep, if he needs to change out of his work clothes before going to throw a football with the boys, if he's going to be late for work or if he needs a specific shirt clean for the next day.
Guess what? He's a grown up, just like me. I'm perfectly capable of getting up on my own, making sure my own clothes are clean and deciding what I'm going to eat for lunch. I don't need someone to remind me of these things. I can't handle when women act as if their husbands are helpless and can't do things for themselves. It drives me bat shit crazy and we all know I don't need any help in the crazy department. I've always been this way, I remember getting SO mad at my mom because everything seemed to revolve around my dad. Now, don't get me wrong, my parents have a marriage that works for them and I won't judge. Or, I'll try not to anyway, it's just not for ME and I have a hard time understanding why anyone that's been married in the last decade feels like they must baby the poor confused man in their life. He's not confused, he's just going to let you do everything for him because hey, why the hell not?!
So help me if my boys ever get to a point where they forget how to do dishes, wash clothes or pick up after themselves. You'd better believe I will march my ass over to their house and I will not be there to clean up after them. I'll be there to take their wives out for drinks while they figure out how to fend of themselves.
Ladies, please, stop acting as if these men need you to fix everything for them and make all of the decisions for them. They don't. You can be a good wife and a good mother but you need to find that middle ground in between the two.
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